Talk:Martin Evans/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: DrKiernan (talk) 12:24, 16 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for criteria)

The article is neutral, stable and well-formatted with a good picture of the subject. However there are some concerns: the arrangement of material in the "Stem cell research" section, the odd unsourced word, and the coverage of his career.

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose): b (MoS):
See "Prose" comments below
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
See "Verifiability" comments below
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
See "Coverage" comments below
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Generally, OTRS permission is preferred, but I accept that use of the image has been approved in a personal e-mail in good faith.
Overall:
Pass/Fail:
Article requires further expansion to be broad in its coverage.

Prose

In the first sentence the repetition of "culture...cultivate" seems unnecessary. Other specific points:

"the method of using", why not "the use of"
In the sentence "After Kaufman left", the tenses are confused between present "upgrading" and past "continued...isolated...established". Probably best to stick to the past tense.
"isolated the embryonic stem cell of" indicates that there is only one cell. Should it be "isolated embryonic stem cells from"?
"He genetically modified and implanted it into adult female mice with the intent of creating genetically modified offspring, resulting in the Nobel Prize." He only intended or did he succeed? Also, the work resulted in him being awarded the Nobel Prize, the work didn't result in the Nobel Prize.
"their work in discovering a method for introducing homologous recombination in mice employing embryonic stem cells" seems cumbersome. Why not "their discoveries in employing embryonic stem cells for introducing homologous recombination in mice".

Abbreviations are inconsistent: "B.Sc." but "PhD".

The main concern with the prose is the "Stem cell research" section: it's repetitive. The information in the first paragraph is repeated in the next two, presumably because the first paragraph is acting as an introduction, which is fine, but then the information in the final three sentences of the second paragraph appears to be repeated in greater detail in the third paragraph. I think it would be better to re-organise this so that the chronological order is clear and so that the reader isn't reading essentially the same material twice.

Verifiability

There are a few sentences that need clarification:

On his nationality, in the lead it is given as British, but in the infobox as English. His surname is Welsh and he works at a Welsh University. I think it is best to stick to British in this case.
"quiet, shy and inquisitive": this is a description that needs attribution
"worked hard" is unsourced
"fortunate": this is quote from Evans' autobiography so it needs to be attributed to him
I don't see that Judith is the granddaughter of Christopher Williams anywhere in the source cited at the end of that sentence. If this is kept in, then explain who Williams is (just two words "Welsh painter" will do), and possibly put it in a different sentence as it is unrelated to her nursing work or her MBE.
There are hidden comments with citation needed tags attached. If these cannot be sourced, or included, then remove them.

Coverage

I think the early life section could be expanded to mention that his family were in Gloucestershire as evacuees, and his education initially suffered because of a succession of childhood illnesses.

In the career section, you may wish to expand a little on the major advances in genetics, just with a sentence or two. I think that mention of his move from the Cambridge Department of Genetics to the institute founded by John Gurdon, of which Evans was a founder member, could be worked in. The people who worked for him, and went onto their own important careers, are currently not mentioned: maybe Robin Lovell-Badge (winner of the Louis-Jeantet Prize for Medicine), David Latchman, and Elizabeth Robertson (winner of the Pearl Meister Greengard Prize) deserve a brief note?

In the personal life section, the names of the children are not given. Why are we told about his sons' studies but not their careers? What happened to his daughter?

The main material that is missing is his work on the cystic fibrosis mouse model, and the breast cancer gene BRCA2. I think these topics should be covered in a fair amount of detail, maybe one paragraph. The other knockouts, particularly the ones that mirror human disease, such as the Crouzon syndrome one, would also be a useful indication of how work in his laboratory directly impacted the genetic understanding of disease. DrKiernan (talk) 14:41, 16 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Some of the additions I wrote into the early life section have been removed over recent months. The material is from the radio series Desert Island Discs. As far as I am aware there should be no problems is using a BBC radio program as a reference. Snowman (talk) 10:10, 30 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]