Talk:Martha Yujra/GA2

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Mike Christie (talk · contribs) 20:58, 11 September 2022 (UTC)[reply]

I'll review this. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 20:58, 11 September 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Images are appropriately tagged. Earwig reveals no issues. The YouTube source is OK as it's the Unitel official channel showing a Unitel broadcast; other sources are also reliable as far as I can judge.

~~"As its executive secretary, Yujra aligned the parallel institution with the Bolivia Says No alliance": what does "parallel institution" refer to?~~
- "Parallel" in the sense that there is an opposing group claiming to be the legitimate organization. Hers being the anti-government faction. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 07:01, 14 September 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  How about "As its executive secretary, Yujra aligned this faction with"? Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 13:05, 16 September 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  Went with "aligned the union". Krisgabwoosh (talk) 18:23, 17 September 2022 (UTC)[reply]
"There, she actively rebelled against the traditional machismo gender roles imposed by her community, seeking instead to pursue a career in the organized labor movement": "instead" doesn't make much sense as a conjunction here -- she didn't pick a career in labour instead of a machismo gender role.
- Indeed. Removed. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 07:01, 14 September 2022 (UTC)[reply]
"In her adolescence, Yujra moved to El Alto, where she studied at the Eduardo Abaroa School, later graduating from the Simón Bolívar Educational Unit.[3] During this time, Yujra began a lengthy career in trade unionism; in 2000, she joined the Parent Federation (FEDEPAF)" The timing seems oddly described. She was 36 in 2000, which is long after adolescence.
- Perhaps "during this time" implies that she joined right after moving, which is incorrect. Any suggestions for a better transition? Krisgabwoosh (talk) 07:01, 14 September 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  How about "In her adolescence, Yujra moved to El Alto, where she studied at the Eduardo Abaroa School. After graduating from the school's Simón Bolívar Educational Unit, she began a lengthy career in trade unionism; in 2000, she joined the Parent Federation (FEDEPAF)". I think you're right that "During" is the problem. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 13:05, 16 September 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  Went with "sometime thereafter". Krisgabwoosh (talk) 18:23, 17 September 2022 (UTC)[reply]
~~"Even so, she often faced typical patriarchal attitudes": I think you could cut "Even so".~~
- Replaced with "despite her tenure". Krisgabwoosh (talk) 07:01, 14 September 2022 (UTC)[reply]
~~"to prolong himself in power": he was attempting to prolong his tenure, not himself.~~
- Is that not the same? Krisgabwoosh (talk) 07:01, 14 September 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  Colloquially it would be understood, but what is being prolonged is the person's term in power, not the person themselves. In shorter versions of the phrase the distinction is clearer: the 1944 US presidential election didn't prolong Roosevelt. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 13:05, 16 September 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  Changed "himself" with "his term". Krisgabwoosh (talk) 18:23, 17 September 2022 (UTC)[reply]
~~"COR's pro-government sect": "sect" has connotations of religious schisms; I would suggest "faction" instead, or perhaps "bloc".~~
- Replaced with "faction". Krisgabwoosh (talk) 07:01, 14 September 2022 (UTC)[reply]
~~When she's expelled from the COR we don't say she kept her version of the COR going, but then it appears from the mention of "Yujra's COR" that she did. I think this ought to be explicit.~~
- How would you suggest wording that? Krisgabwoosh (talk)
  Well, I don't know what the sources will support, but can we do something like "On 8 December, the COR's pro-government faction expelled Yujra from its ranks, accusing her of making commitments with political parties in violation of the union's statute of neutrality. Yujra and some COR members who supported her continued to function as an independent organization, described in the media as 'Yujra's COR'". Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 13:05, 16 September 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  Added "Despite her removal, Yujra's rival union continued to operate in the city." Krisgabwoosh (talk) 18:23, 17 September 2022 (UTC)[reply]
"rejecting President Morales' re-nomination to a fourth term, a decision that contravened a 2016 referendum that voted down the abolition of term limits" suggest "...a fourth term, which contravened..." -- a nomination is not a decision, and it's the fourth term that's the important point here, not the nomination.
~~Suggest explaining "21F" inline -- it'll be completely obscure to readers unfamiliar with the events.~~
"in which accessible and viable solutions to face the difficult situation were outlined": does "accessible" add anything to "viable"? And I suspect that, as with most such conferences, some non-viable options were discussed; the goal was probably to find a viable option among the solutions discussed.
- Done. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 07:01, 14 September 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  Looks like this wasn't changed? Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 13:05, 16 September 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  Apologies. My reply here actually referred to your comment on Morales' re-nomination. This one has now been corrected as well. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 18:23, 17 September 2022 (UTC)[reply]
"Additionally, the Federation of Neighborhood Councils of El Alto (FEJUVE) accused Yujra of not coordinating anti-COVID measures with local authorities, despite being appointed as a presidential delegate to the city for that very purpose." Needs rephrasing; as written this says that FEJUVE was appointed as a presidential delegate.
- Added "her". Krisgabwoosh (talk) 07:01, 14 September 2022 (UTC)[reply]
~~Footnote a is uncited.~~
- Which one? Krisgabwoosh (talk) 07:01, 14 September 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  "Sabina Orellana, as minister of cultures, decolonization, and depatriarchalization; nominally Víctor Hugo Cárdenas, as minister of education, sports, and cultures; and partially Marcelo Bazán, as vice minister of interculturality." Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 13:05, 16 September 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  It's cited in the text: "Yujra was nominally succeeded by Víctor Hugo Cárdenas, minister of education, though the vice ministry of interculturality—charged with heading the cultures portfolio—remained vacant for three months, with Marcelo Bazán being appointed to head it in September." Krisgabwoosh (talk) 18:23, 17 September 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  Yes, but since it's physically separated on the page a reader who is looking at the note doesn't know that. I would just duplicate the cites in the body into the note. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 21:47, 17 September 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  Done Krisgabwoosh (talk) 19:14, 19 September 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Spotchecks:

FN 39 cites "For her part, Yujra—herself a chola—stated that "with this law, women in polleras are going to have a place that corresponds to us"." Verified.
FN 24 cites "Ultimately, the BDN alliance failed to gain substantial traction in the La Paz Department, attaining only 1.19 percent of the vote." Verified.
FN 14 cites "On 8 December, the COR's pro-government sect expelled Yujra from its ranks, accusing her of making commitments with political parties in violation of the union's statute of neutrality." Verified. The source doesn't really say this is the "pro-government" faction of the COR but given the surrounding narrative I think that's fine.
FN 38 cites "In her first major action as minister, Yujra endeavored to achieve official State recognition of Bolivia's indigenous chola community. On 27 January 2020, in a ceremony attended by dignitaries of various chola groups, Áñez signed a draft bill commemorating cholas from five departments and the Afro-Bolivian community, recognizing their identities as part of the country's intangible cultural heritage." Verified.
FN 25 cites "By the time the official count in La Paz concluded, however, Bolivia had entered a period of widespread unrest driven by accusations of electoral fraud at the national level." Verified.

-- Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 21:50, 11 September 2022 (UTC)[reply]

FYI, I just made some WP:INDENTMIX fixes. I think this is something I've seen you do in several GA reviews so you might want to take a look at that page. In a nutshell the rule is: duplicate the previous indent and add a colon or asterisk at the end; don't add your indent at the beginning. These errors cause problems for screen-readers; it's not just a cosmetic issue. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 12:52, 16 September 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Passing. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 19:47, 19 September 2022 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.