Talk:Marketing of Halo 3/GA1

GA Review

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Decided to take a break from changing usernames and hopped by to see what was in the GAN pool. I'll be coming up with a review shortly. bibliomaniac 1 5 00:52, 5 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I haven't taken a great big look into prose, but here are some preliminary things that I think should be addressed.

I think that "extensive marketing campaign" in the first sentence should be bolded.
One of the more serious problems I'm seeing is that there is a lack of transitioning between sentences. As a result, the prose seems rather choppy. For example, in Halo 3 marketing#Other tie-ins: "Bungie produced a Halo 3-themed Microsoft Zune which was preloaded with Halo content, including a custom episode of the popular series Red vs. Blue.[35] Microsoft sponsored the #40 car driven by David Stremme for Chip Ganassi Racing in the Dover 400 Nextel Cup Series. The car featured a Halo 3 inspired paintjob featuring the title for the game printed prominently on the hood and rear bumper, as well as large pictures of Master Chief on each of the rear fenders.[36] Pontiac announced a sweepstakes with a Halo 3-branded Pontiac G6 GXP Street and being the first to play the game on an IMAX screen as prizes. Pontiac will also have a promotion tour featuring their vehicles.[37]" There aren't any transitions between the Zune, the racecar, and the Pontiac, so it all feels rather random and choppy. Even an "also" in that sentence would do.
Some of the refs have not been formatted properly, namely refs 31-37, 46, and 47.

bibliomaniac 1 5 01:32, 5 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

- I fixed the refs, bolded the header, and condensed and cleaned up the section in particular. I figure it's better to remove some of the minutiae so that it reads better. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs^(talk) 18:55, 6 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

The prose reads much better! I've just completed a big copyedit. Since everything else has been fixed up now, I see no reason not to pass this article. bibliomaniac 1 5 23:57, 7 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

By the way, when this gets to FAC, give me a call at my talk page, okay? bibliomaniac 1 5 00:02, 8 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]