Talk:Mark Stockwell/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 07:32, 9 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

Lead could use bulking up a bit to cover all major aspects of the article.

Done Beefed up the lead a bit. Dirtlawyer1 (talk) 14:26, 10 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I take it this is written in Aus Eng (e.g. medallist)? Do they spell specialize or recognize or organization with a z?

Done Like British English, Australian English accepts the "z" spellings, but strongly prefers the "s" spelling. I have tweaked accordingly. It was an oversight on my part. Dirtlawyer1 (talk) 14:26, 10 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"He also attended the University of Florida..." was this after his time at the ANU?

Not sure of the sequence in which he attended the three universities mentioned, but he was 22 at the time he attended and swam for Florida, which would suggest it was later. I have no source for his exact years of attendance at the Australian institutions, and I did look. Dirtlawyer1 (talk) 14:26, 10 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Standard comment: 4x400m (etc) should use a multiplication symbol, not an x.

Done Dirtlawyer1 (talk) 14:26, 10 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"0.44 of a second" - you've already said that Stockwell finished in 50.24 while Gaines finished at 49.80, so is it necessary to reiterate the winning margin?

Done Not really -- redundancy deleted. Dirtlawyer1 (talk) 14:26, 10 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Is "attended the University of Florida" in the swimming career section the same as "He also attended the University of Florida in the United States" in the previous section? I'm not sure about the repetition.

I think there needs to be an introduction and explanation of his American college swimming stint; logically, there also needs be some mention of his attending Florida together with his enrollment at Queensland and ANU. Or maybe not. As a third-party reader, if you have any suggestions how this can be done more efficiently, I'm receptive. Dirtlawyer1 (talk) 14:26, 10 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Yes, I thought that as I was writing, that it perhaps did belong in both sections, and on reflection, perhaps it should stay. It's certainly not worth too much debate, better to be told something sort-of twice than not at all. The Rambling Man (talk) 15:56, 10 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

" a third-place bronze medal" it may be me but this seems a little tautological...

Mmm . . . yes and no. If we were writing exclusively for a sports publication, I would agree, but for a general audience I like to include some hints of the order of gold-silver-bronze medals for non-sports fans. I've tweaked it so the wording is not as circular. Dirtlawyer1 (talk) 14:26, 10 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Happy with this. I know we need to attend to our readers, but I think it's not too much of a stretch to assume that the general public associate a bronze medal with third place, I think it transcends sports by now. Blame the Greeks. The Rambling Man (talk) 15:57, 10 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Yes, but the Greeks awarded only laurel leaves to the winners, and nothing to 2nd and 3rd. Of course, the ancient winners were often immortalized in poetry, too. Dirtlawyer1 (talk) 16:24, 10 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I was reluctant to say "blame the Americans", but it seems that 1904 was the start of that affectation.... ! The Rambling Man (talk) 16:30, 10 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Not keen on the uber-brief paragraphs at the start of the "Life after swimming" section.

I'm not big on single-sentence paragraphs, either, unless it is done intentionally for rhetorical emphasis. My problem here is that combining the one-sentence mention of his ASM seems to be an awkward fit with any of the other content in the "life after" section. I am open to suggestions, TRM. Dirtlawyer1 (talk) 14:26, 10 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Yep, I understand, just to clarify, he's never won any other accolades or awards that could be used to create more of a paragraph? The Rambling Man (talk) 15:56, 10 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Not that I found, and I was using his own online CVs and profiles as a backstop to the independent reliable sources. Given his extensive involvement in Aussie national sports organizations, it's probably just a matter of time until he receives an OAM. I will double-check for the usual "hall of fame" stuff. Dirtlawyer1 (talk) 16:24, 10 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"He currently serves..." see WP:ASOF.

Done Tweaked per ASOF. Dirtlawyer1 (talk) 14:26, 10 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I'll put it on hold for now. The Rambling Man (talk) 12:42, 10 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

@The Rambling Man: Thank you for your concise review, TRM. I have addressed most of your concerns above with easy tweaks of the text, but there are several questions I have asked in response above. If you have further questions, comments or suggestions, please let me know. Dirtlawyer1 (talk) 14:32, 10 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Okay, promoting to GA. If you do find anything more out, I'm certain you'll add it in, so I'm not holding off on promoting it because of that. Good work. The Rambling Man (talk) 07:29, 11 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

@The Rambling Man: Thank you, TRM. I somehow overlooked Stockwell's membership in the Queensland Sport Hall of Fame -- whose profile of the subject I had already added as a footnote in the career history section -- and failed to add a reference to it in the "after swimming" section. I rectified that yesterday. Dirtlawyer1 (talk) 15:15, 11 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]