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Talk:Marie Lang/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 09:23, 20 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]


Comments

  • The lead feels too large for an article of this length. The article is currently around 10,000 characters, and MOS:LEAD suggests "One or two paragraphs".
 Done SusunW (talk) 14:50, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Once that's been trimmed appropriately, I review it.
  • " class[4]" move that ref to the end, it's not too many words away and it would improve the aesthetic.
 Done SusunW (talk) 14:50, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Marie and Theodor Köchert, 1880–1884" I'm perplexed by how this year range applies to a photograph, a snapshot in time?!
Because we have no idea when it was taken, but since it is with her first husband, it clearly took place in the time of their relationship. I've added circa if that helps SusunW (talk) 14:50, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "they divorced, but the two would remain close.[6] Upon their marriage," they divorced, their marriage, I think it might be helpful to clarify who's who in this little segue.
I've rearranged it a bit and reworded it. Hopefully it's clearer now.  Done SusunW (talk) 14:50, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • ", Erwin[6] who" comma after Erwin.
 Done SusunW (talk) 14:50, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "very involved in th" just my ear, but "heavily involved" would sound better than "very involved".
 Done SusunW (talk) 15:07, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "famously known" no need for famously.
 Done SusunW (talk) 15:07, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Frederick Eckstein " our article has k instead of h for Fred.
 Done (Though I must say I cannot figure out the penchant for changing people, place and thing names to Anglophile them. I am fairly certain in Austria, his name was Friedrich, with an i and an h, as the sources specify. ) SusunW (talk) 15:07, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Lang's friend Rosa Mayreder.[11] Lang and Mayreder" repetitive.
 Done changed it to "The women" SusunW (talk) 15:07, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "whom she cared for in " -> "for whom she cared in"
 Done SusunW (talk) 15:07, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "At the end of the 1880s, " again, my ears, but "Toward the end of the 1880s" after all the "end of the 1880s" is probably midnight on 31 December 1889.
 Done SusunW (talk) 15:54, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "of Section 30, " section 30 of what?
Good catch, thanks for asking.  Done SusunW (talk) 15:38, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "networks[19] pressing f" awkward ref, but I feel there should be a comma after networks anyway, so perhaps that would make it less awkward...
Reworded and hopefully that is better.  Done SusunW (talk) 15:38, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Could link intelligentsia.
 Done SusunW (talk) 15:38, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • " Frauenverein's" use the {{'}} template here to avoid the apostrophe crashing into the italic text.
Not remotely sure I did this right. Would that coding were not part of writing on wp. The technology is very difficult for non-techies. SusunW (talk) 15:38, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "1903[31] and " awkward ref placement again.
 Done SusunW (talk) 15:38, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
 Done SusunW (talk) 15:38, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Amsterdam[36] and gave a" I would also move that ref just a few words to the right, behind the full stop.
 Done SusunW (talk) 15:54, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "support.[15][14] " ref order.
 Done SusunW (talk) 15:54, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "House[9] and then retired and devoted her time to her family.[4]" -> "House,[9] and then retired to devote her time to her family.[4]"
 Done SusunW (talk) 15:54, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "A – H" unspaced.
 Done SusunW (talk) 15:54, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Excellent work. On hold while we fix these. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 11:00, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you so much for taking on the review The Rambling Man. I truly appreciate it. I think I addressed the concerns, but if you need anything else, just ping me. (Safely in isolation in Mérida since February, though I do wander in my walled back garden, a lot. Someone must harvest the bananas and oranges ). SusunW (talk) 15:54, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
You got the template sorted, and I'm happy with your updates, so I'm promoting. Cheers. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 16:33, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
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