Talk:Margaret (singer)/Archive 1

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Archive 1

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GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Margaret (singer)/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Freikorp (talk · contribs) 04:12, 3 April 2017 (UTC)

Is it reasonably well written?
The first paragraph of the lead is weak in content, and should be expanded. How about adding that her manager discovered her through her blog?
Done

Conversely your second paragraph is a bit over-detailed. Perhaps trim that "In Poland, it was the third best-selling digital single of 2013 by a Polish artist." and "(the official song for the 2014 FIVB Volleyball Men's World Championship)"
Done

"contained three successful singles" - what defines a single's success is subjective. To be more neutral i'd drop the word successfully and instead add the single's chart positions in Poland.
Done

"Margaret gained worldwide recognition" - this might be a bit of a stretch. Did she get recognition in Asia, Africa, or the US? I can assure you she's not well known here in Australia. Consider a more neutral wording, perhaps 'gained recognition throughout Europe', assuming that's what the sources say
Done

"Margaret attended the Schools Complex" - what is the Schools Complex?
Done does that make sense now? I've added the explanation but I'm still not sure if the translation is correct and if there is a correct translation, should I perhaps use the Polish name instead and with the information in brackets it should make sense

What's the significance of the prefix "XIV" in XIV Liceum ogólnokształcące?
as in countries such as the UK many schools are named after saints such as St. Paul's High School etc. in Poland we use numbers and often Roman numerals are used however this is not a rule, should I change that to "14th Liceum ogólnokształcące" to make it more clear?
So there's 14 or more other Liceum ogólnokształcące's? In that case calling it the 14th or 'Liceum ogólnokształcące No. 14' would be more clear.
I would stick to No. 14

"currently resides" - please reword this as per WP:REALTIME. Perhaps say, "where she was still living as of 2015/6/7 etc,
Done

Can you tell us what genre of music 'oNieboLepiej (Much Better)' played? It would be of interest.
Done

Do your sources relevant to Margaret comment on the fact that Chris Marrs Piliero previously worked with The Black Keys, Britney Spears and Kesha? If not, you shouldn't mention people he previously worked with.
they do:)

"and the events organised by Andy Warhol" - this is a bit vague. What kind of events?
Done as the source doesn't state exactly what events influenced the video's directors I'd change that to 'Andy Warhol's work'

"with the likes of Joakim Buddee, Thomas Karlsson and Martin Eriksson" - drop "with the likes". Consider dropping Joakim Buddee and Thomas Karlsson altogether as they don't have their own wikipedia articles and are unlikely to be known to the average reader
I would keep them as they are the main producers and writers of the album.

"In November, Wprost named her one of the 50 Most Influential Polish Celebrities" - did they mention what number they ranked her at?
Done

I suggest rewording "bookies'", or at least piping it, to a more formal title.
Done

"Outside Poland, the single achieved considerable success," again, what defines 'considerable'? Your source doesn't say that. In fact, I'm not sure if that source would even be considered reliable. I suggest you drop the whole phrase 'Outside Poland, the single achieved considerable success,' and instead just directly say where it charted in Romania and Sweden.
Done

"in a Brant Hotel" - what is a Brant Hotel? Is it a hotel chain? Where is it?
Done

" were widely compared to" - suggest you drop the word 'widely' unless you can find several more sources, or a source commenting on how many other sources made the comparison
Done

"by her was bidden in aid of the local orphanages" - do you mean 'sold at auction'?
Done

"(who worked with the likes of Selena Gomez, Hilary Duff and Irina Shayk)" again, does your source relating to Margaret comment on who this man has previously worked with?
it does:)
Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
A. Has an appropriate reference section:
I'm going to assume good faith for most sources as I don't speak Polish.

B. Citation to reliable sources where necessary:
Can we get an inline citation to 'Thank You Very Much' being called a sleeper hit?
as there is no source should I get rid of that?
On second thought I think it should be OK.

C. No original research:
Aside from minor notes above
Is it broad in its coverage?
A. Major aspects:

B. Focused:
Is it neutral?
Fair representation without bias:
Aside from minor words noted above
Is it stable?
No edit wars, etc:
Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content:

B. Images are provided if possible and are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:
I'm not convinced the picture of the university improves the article; I think it has limited relevance as her studies there are not of particular interest to this article/her current fame, but i'll leave the decision up to you.
Done Removed

The final image has the caption "Margaret at one of her concerts in 2016". This isn't as specific as I'd like it to be. I contacted the uploader on commons asking him to specify what country and the name of the concert/event. If you can't specify this, I don't think this image should remain, partially because you already have several better quality images with more detailed captions.
Done added the place and the date
Overall:
Pass or Fail:

Article looks good overall. Placing this one on hold until issues are addressed. Freikorp (talk) 05:17, 3 April 2017 (UTC)

Happy for this to pass now. Freikorp (talk) 11:38, 3 April 2017 (UTC)

Requested comments

In general, looks pretty good. A number of minor usage quibbles, mostly.

I do not think the first paragraph of the lede says much about who she is other than that she is a singer. The first paragraph should have more bang for the buck. The first paragraph is all the reader may see, especially in this era when we are often the #1 Google result. Give us the career highlights, say why the reader should care.
"Ińsko, Poland" link? In general, I think the places where she lived are worth links, as a reader might want to see what sort of place she grew up in, for example. Warsaw probably does not need a link.
"Małgorzata Jamroży was born on 30 June 1991 in Stargard Szczeciński, Poland, to teachers Ryszard and Elżbieta.[1] She has an older brother Tomasz, with whom she grew up in Ińsko, Poland.[1] She adopted the name "Julita" as her confirmation name." I would not repeat Poland, but I would give the last name of the parents. I imagine it's the same but often it isn't. I would not repeat Poland, and I would cut the words "the name" as duplicative.
"she would usually lose in most of them" I would cut the last four words as unneeded; "usually" has covered the field.
"She is also a graduate of Ignacy Jan Paderewski first degree State Music School " The shift to the present tense is a bit jarring. I would put it in the past tense, "She graduated from ..."
"Shortly after finishing school her nasal septum was damaged in a bike accident which temporarily prevented her from playing the instrument." the link on "bike" is possibly not necessary, but not a big deal. I would put a comma after "accident".
"however she resigned after three semesters." I might say "left" rather than "resigned".
"Career beginnings", well, "Beginnings" is probably enough as a heading
"with whom she performed the sung poetry genre" possibly "with whom she performed sung poetry"?
"Whilst a blogger Margaret was approached by her future manager, Sławomir Berdowski, who was interested in working with her, after discovering her cover of Adele's "Right as Rain"" comma after "blogger", I think, and remove the one after "working with her". I might say "became interested" rather than "was interested".
"Her market value was estimated at 235 238 zł" I think you must put a comma in there, thus: 235,238. I might say the dollar equivalent, or possibly euros.
"Don't You Worry 'bout Me" this is, I assume a translation, so why the 'bout?
"That same month she released a notebook called Notebook by Margaret" It's not clear what the notebook is. Can this be clarified, and possibly avoid the repetition?--Wehwalt (talk) 16:19, 23 April 2017 (UTC)

A few more comments. This is based off the diff left on my talk:

Thank You Very Much is linked multiple times in lede
" Ignacy Jan Paderewski first degree State Music School in Choszczno." I'm not convinced it's necessary to link Paderewski. If an American went to George Washington Middle School, you probably wouldn't link the George Washington ...
"However, shortly after the release of the music video, it has been banned by YouTube as it violated their no nudity and sexual content policy. " "has been" should be "was"
"which debuted and peaked at number fifty in Poland." I read this to say the debut was at #50 and it thereafter declined.
"Both, the single and the EP, were released only in the singer's native country." I might suggest, "Both, single and EP, were ..."
"Margaret was nominated for several awards at the 2013 Eska Music Awards," to avoid the repetition, I might say she was nominated "in several categories".
You use "peaked" a number of times with regards to the singles etc. Consider using as an alternative now and then, "reached number xxx", just for variety.
"released only into Polish market" needs a "the" before Polish. Same with "released in December only into Polish market."
If Melody Smurf has an article, that would be a useful link, otherwise I would link Smurf.
"she became the face and the ambassador of the nail products brand Semilac in Poland" this reads like a press release. She was a paid endorser.
"Her market value was estimated at 235,238 zł, which resulted in the singer being ranked sixty-seventh on the list." I would add "as a performer" after the word "value". Also, I still think there should be a dollar or euro equivalent to the zloty. Few people minded to consult the English version will think in zloty.

In general, it's better than most articles about performers I've read. Keep alert for the sort of minor English irregularity I've targeted . Good luck with it.--Wehwalt (talk) 04:28, 26 April 2017 (UTC)