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Talk:Luis Muñoz Marín/GA1

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GA Review

[edit]

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch
I'll start reviewing this shortly. — LinguistAtLarge • Talk  22:18, 28 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

The following is my initial review. I just read through the article, making notes as I went. You can reply to each item individually, using the correct indentation, so we can keep things organized. Let me know what you think! — LinguistAtLarge • Talk  23:29, 28 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

  • "Father of Modern Puerto Rico" --- The source is not reliable enough to make this claim. Can you find another source that says this?
 Done source added, NY Times --Jmundo 21:55, 30 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
 Done--Jmundo 21:55, 30 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "considered one of the most important political figures in the Americas during the 20th century" --- Do you have a source or two that actually say that, because that is a pretty strong claim to make. If it said "most important figure in Puerto Rico" that would be much more believable.
  • The lead section should be an introduction and summary of the article. As an introduction, it is great. In terms of a summary, I think it's missing just a bit of information to round it out. Try to add a bit more about his early life, poetry, and ideology.
  • "Luis Muñoz Marín was born at 152 Calle de la Fortaleza in Old San Juan" --- I would repeat his date of birth in the leading sentence of the "Early life" section, so readers don't have to scroll back up to the top.
 Done — LinguistAtLarge • Talk  19:34, 1 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Muñoz Rivera assisted in establishing an insular police" --- I'd say "insular police force".
 Done--Jmundo 21:55, 30 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "eventually resigning his office" --- I'd say "eventually resigned from office"
 Done--Jmundo 21:55, 30 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • I'm not happy with jumping back and forth between "Muñoz Marín" (the article's subject), "Muñoz Rivera" (his father), and "Muñoz Iglesias" (grandfather) in the "Early life" section. I think the father's and grandfather's names can be given, but when talking about them, it should always be referencing the subject of the article. So I would prefer seeing "his father" or "his grandfather" instead of using their last names. Also, for clarity, perhaps a separate sub-section of "Early life" should be dedicated to the father and grandfather, instead of mixing all three men together. Let me think about this a bit. --- Ok, here's what I would do. I would have a sub-section for the information on his grandfather and father before he was born. Then have a sub-section for Muñoz Marín starting when he was born. When referring to the father/grandfather in that section, use the terms "father" or "grandfather" instead of referring to "Muñoz Rivera" or "Muñoz Iglesias". This will help reduce confusion. For example: "Muñoz Rivera decided to move to New York City" => "The family decided to move to New York City".
 Done--Jmundo 21:55, 30 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Lee, who hailed from Raymond, Mississippi," --- "hailed" is not very encyclopedic, in my opinion. I'd say: "Lee, [of/from/born in] Raymond, Mississippi". See WP:SAY.
 Done--Jmundo 21:55, 30 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Muñoz Marín noticed that the country's economic situation wasn't solid" --- Try to avoid contractions. See WP:CONTRACTION (The possessive 's is OK) In this case, I'd say: "Muñoz Marín noticed the instability of the country's economy"
 Done--Jmundo 21:55, 30 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Upon arriving, he noticed that some of the landowners were paying the jíbaros two dollars in exchange for their votes" - Jíbaros is linked to an article, but since this is not a well-known word for the average speaker of English, a parenthetical explanation would be appropriate. I'd say: "Upon arriving, he noticed that some of the landowners were paying the jíbaros—the mountain dwelling pheasants of Puerto Rico—two dollars in exchange for their votes".
 Done--Jmundo 21:55, 30 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Upon arriving, he discovered that Hurricane San Felipe had destroyed" --- The hurricane can be linked to its article: 1928 Okeechobee hurricane (if that's the right one).
 Done linked using the Spanish name Hurricane San Felipe Segundo --Jmundo 21:55, 30 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "By this time, Puerto Rico's political scenario had changed..." --- It is better to make concrete references to time. I'd say "By the 1930s, Puerto Rico's political scenario had changed...".
 Done--Jmundo 21:55, 30 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "before traveling to El Fangito a poor sector that" --- A comma is missing after "El Fangito" (Also wouldn't it be "El Fanguito" as a diminutive of "fango"? That's just a wild guess on my part)
Correct, that is the name of the sector or barrio.
I'm not arguing, especially since as far as I can tell you speak Spanish. But there are reliable sources that use both El Fangito and el Fanguito. Compare a Google search for "el fangito" "puerto rico" to "el fanguito" "puerto rico". For example, "El Fangito", and "El Fanguito" (A book about Luis Muñoz Marín which uses "El Fanguito" several times) — LinguistAtLarge • Talk  19:50, 1 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Ah, I see you what you mean now. I replaced "El Fangito" with "El Fanguito" based on the RS sources discussing Muñoz Marín including this Times article. --Jmundo 07:09, 2 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
 Done — LinguistAtLarge • Talk  16:37, 2 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Mendoza was a teacher that had been fired" --- Use "who" instead of "that".
 Done--Jmundo 21:55, 30 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "he would sometimes stay in the houses of some jíbaros during the night" --- Perhpas this is better: "he would sometimes spend the night at a jíbaro's house"
 Done--Jmundo 21:55, 30 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "A month later, Mendoza gave birth to a daughter" --- Perhaps change this to: "A month later, his partner Mendoza gave birth to a daughter, who they named Victoria in commemoration of the victory"
 Done--Jmundo 21:55, 30 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Along with Governor Rexford Tugwell, the last non-Puerto Rican appointed Governor of Puerto Rico by an American President" --- => "Along with Governor Rexford Tugwell, the last non-Puerto Rican Governor of Puerto Rico appointed by an US President"
 Done--Jmundo 21:55, 30 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In the first forty years of this century" --- => "During the first forty years of the 20th century"
 Done--Jmundo 21:55, 30 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The program propiciated a shift from an agricultural" --- "facilitated" would be better than "propiciated" in my opinion.
 Done--Jmundo 21:55, 30 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Jíbaros were taught in Spanish and adriestated to work" --- "taught" instead of "adriestated".
 Done--Jmundo 21:55, 30 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Operación Serenidad (lit. "Operation Serenity")" --- No need for "lit." Just say Operación Serenidad ("Operation Serenity")
 Done--Jmundo 21:55, 30 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Marín received an LL.D. from Bates College." --- Spell out the degree instead of using the abbrebiation: "Marín received a Doctor of Laws degree (LL.D.) from Bates College."
 Done--Jmundo 21:55, 30 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In the 1950s, most jíbaros pursued works in factories" --- "jíbaros" should continue to be italicized here.
 Done--Jmundo 21:55, 30 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "a limit of two terms for elective officials" --- Should be "elected officials".
 Done--Jmundo 21:55, 30 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Victoria, Muñoz Marín's younger daughter" --- Should be "youngest daughter".
 Done--Jmundo 21:55, 30 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Late in his life, Muñoz Marín's health became affected" --- => "...Muñoz Marín's health weakened"
 Done--Jmundo 21:55, 30 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "which had temporary effects in his ability to" --- => "which temporary affected his ability to"
 Done--Jmundo 21:55, 30 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Reference #45 does not have a page number.
  • The image: File:Luis Muñoz Marín Raising PR Flag.gif is borderline. It cannot be used to simply illustrate this article, since it is not freely licenced. It can only be used to "to provide critical commentary on the film, event, etc. in question or of the poster itself". Since you do have a couple of sentences about the enactment of the constitution, then it probably ok. The usage of the images of the stamp and Time Magazine cover also look like they are acceptible.
 Done On second thought, I think this is compliant with copyright policy. — LinguistAtLarge • Talk  19:29, 1 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • The two navigation templates at the bottom shouldn't have a space between them.
 Done — LinguistAtLarge • Talk  19:55, 1 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

**In my opinion, substantial information in regard to the Nationalist Revolts of October 1950 and his role in ordering the National Guard and police to squash the rebellion since he was targeted during the attack of "La Fortaleza" should be included and not omitted from this article in order for it's status as a "GA" be considered. Tony the Marine (talk) 21:45, 1 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

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