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Copy Edit Suggestion

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I copy edited this pretty rigorously, but since it's up for GA I feel like a second editor should go over it before removing the header tag. DNA Ligase IV (talk) 00:57, 6 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]

GA Review

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This review is transcluded from Talk:Loboc Church/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Biblioworm (talk · contribs) 20:27, 6 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]


  • Is the article well-written? -
    • The San Pedro Apostol Parish Church (Saint Peter the Apostle Parish Church), commonly known as Loboc Church, is a Roman Catholic church in the municipality of Loboc, Bohol, Philippines within the jurisdiction of the Roman Catholic Diocese of Tagbilaran.
      • Add comma between "Philippines" and "within".
Done. --Carlojoseph14 (talk) 15:58, 29 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]
    • The church is classified as a National Historical Landmark by the National Historical Commission of the Philippines and a National Cultural Treasure by the National Museum of the Philippines. It is also under consideration for the UNESCO World Heritage Tentative List of the Philippines as a member of two categories, the Baroque Churches of the Philippines (Extension) and the Jesuit Churches of the Philippines.
      • The references to the UNESCO award are not uniform. In the lede, it is referred to as "UNESCO World Heritage Tentative List of the Philippines", and in the body, it is referred to as "UNESCO World Heritage Sites of the Philippines". I'm also curious about what the "(Extension)" note means.
Claried to World Heritage Sites. The "(Extension)" means additional churches to the previously approved UNESCO list --Carlojoseph14 (talk) 15:58, 29 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]
    • After the establishment of the Jesuit mission in Bohol, Father Juan de Torres, SJ, moved to the community along Loboc river in late 1596 to establish a second mission station.
      • Add "the" between "along" and "Loboc", and capitalize "river".
Done. --Carlojoseph14 (talk) 15:58, 29 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]
    • The first church, made of wood, was built by the people of the area, under the patronage of Saint Michael the Archangel, on a site called Calvario, Sawang, near the location of the present-day church.
      • This sentence has excessive comma use. It would probably look better if it was broken up into two.
Done. --Carlojoseph14 (talk) 15:58, 29 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]
    • Due to pirate attacks on Baclayon and the strategic position of Loboc, the Jesuits chose Loboc to become the center of their mission,[1] and so the Jesuit superior for Bohol resided here until the Jesuits' expulsion in 1768.
      • I believe that "and so" is considered to be improper in professional use. Also, "here" should be changed to "there".
Done. --Carlojoseph14 (talk) 15:58, 29 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]
    • The church complex is a candidate for UNESCO World Heritage Sites of the Philippines, under two distinct categories: Jesuit Churches of the Philippines, together with the churches of Maragondon in Cavite and Guiuan, Eastern Samar;[9] and Baroque Churches of the Philippines (Extension), along with the churches of Patrocinio de Maria in Boljoon, Cebu, La Inmaculada Concepcion in Guiuan, Eastern Samar, San Matias in Tumauini, Isabela, and San Isidro Labrador in Lazi, Siquijor.
      • Once again, there is too much information crammed into a short amount of space, to the point of confusion. It should be separated.
Done. --Carlojoseph14 (talk) 15:58, 29 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]
    • The interior of the church is adorned with ceiling paintings by Canuto Avila and his son Ricardo and Ray Francia, created from May 1926 to July 1927, and retouched by Cris Naparota in 1995.
      • Make "sons" plural, and then add a comma between "sons" and "Ricardo".
Done. --Carlojoseph14 (talk) 15:58, 29 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]
    • Along the pediment are a wooden bas-relief on galvanized iron of the papal tiara over crossed keys, the symbol of Saint Peter, on the center and medallions carrying the icons of the Augustinians and Saint Peter on both ends.
      • Change "are" to "is", and clarify the sentence, as the last part is confusing.
Done. --Carlojoseph14 (talk) 15:58, 29 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]
    • The central retablo (or retablo mayor) at the altar houses images of Saint Peter, the patron, paired with Saint Paul on the uppermost niche, Our Lady of Guadalupe, a secondary patron, in the center of the lowest level and Saint Lucy as elected patron of the people against typhoon and Saint Francis Xavier against flood and alligators in 1697, on the side niches of the Virgin Mary
      • Run-on and confusing sentence.
Done. --Carlojoseph14 (talk) 15:58, 29 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]
    • Behind the walls of the retablo mayor are the remains of the former Jesuit altarpiece, a bas-relief of Saint Ignatius Loyola and St Francis Xavier dressed as pilgrims.
      • Change "pilgrims" to singular form, and then add "a" between "as" and "pilgrim".
Done. --Carlojoseph14 (talk) 15:58, 29 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]
    • The larger altar on the right side currently houses the image of St Francis Xavier as preacher on the topmost level, Saint Vincent Ferrer in the center, Saint Augustine on the left, and Saint Monica to the right on the middle level, and Nuestra Señora de la Consolacion in the center, Saint Anne to the right and Saint Thérèse of Lisieux (originally St Joachim) on the left of the lowest level.
      • Another sentence that needs to be broken up.
Done. --Carlojoseph14 (talk) 15:58, 29 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]
    • The tomb of Father Aquilino Bon and other Recollect priests who served Loboc are also on this side of the church.[15] Remains of Jesuit priest Alonso de Humanes were formerly interred in this area before the transfer of his remains to San Ignacio in Intramuros.
      • Add "The" in front of the second sentence, and decapitalize "Remains". Also, should "Recollect" stay capitalized, or does it refer to a particular period of time?
Done. Recollect refers to the group of priests from this order. --Carlojoseph14 (talk) 15:58, 29 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]
    • An apocryphal account tells of a fire in a former Loboc Church stopping at the foot of Humanes' tomb;[16] this story spread across the people of the Loboc and nearby towns, which drew pilgrims to light candles in memory of Humanes.
      • Decapitalize "Church", as it is just referring to a church, not a particular church, in which case it would take a proper noun.
Done. --Carlojoseph14 (talk) 15:58, 29 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]
    • The larger altar, which is a twin of the altar opposite it, houses an image of a unidentified saint on the topmost level, presumably Michael the Archangel, and the Crucified Christ (originally Madonna and Child) in the center, Saint Anthony of Padua on the left, and Saint Nicholas of Tolentino on the right on the middle level.
      • Should "Crucified" be capitalized? Also, I would recommend changing "on the right on the middle level" to "on the right-middle level".
Done. --Carlojoseph14 (talk) 15:58, 29 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]
    • In the sacristy is another retablo, with a crucifix in its central niche,[16] and two bas-reliefs, of Saint Ignatius and the first Jesuits before Mary and the Child Jesus, and of St. Ignatius holding a book (in stucco[16]) are on the doorframes.
      • I'm not sure if "Child" should be capitalized. You should also remove the comma between "bas-reliefs" and "of", and then break up and clarify the sentence, as is kind of run-on, in my opinion.
Done. --Carlojoseph14 (talk) 15:58, 29 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]
    • Comment. (Since there are too many occurrences to reasonably list, I'll put this as a separate comment.) Per WP:HONORIFIC, shouldn't the title of "Father" be removed from the names?
I don't think so that the title Father be removed since this is not a biography. Per my previous GA nominations which passed (in Maribojoc Church), Father was not removed --Carlojoseph14 (talk) 15:58, 29 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • Is the article verifiable with no original research? - Mostly. I found one unsourced statement:
    • It was also listed as a National Cultural Treasure by the National Museum of the Philippines.
Add citation. --Carlojoseph14 (talk) 15:58, 29 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • Is the article broad in its coverage? - Yes.
  • Is the article neutral? - Yes.
  • Is the article stable? - Yes.
  • Is the article illustrated? - Yes.
@Biblioworm:, please see changes.--Carlojoseph14 (talk) 15:58, 29 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks. I'll read over them shortly. --Biblioworm 16:38, 29 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]

@Carlojoseph14: A few more things I've found:

  • It was dedicated under the patronage of Saint Michael the Archangel
    • Sentence is missing a period.
  • Due to pirate attacks on Baclayon and the strategic position of Loboc, the Jesuits chose Loboc to become the center of their mission,.
    • Sentence has an extra comma before the period.
  • The Jesuit superior for Bohol later resided in Loboc until the Jesuits' expulsion in 1768.
    • "For" might sound better as "of".
  • On the other hand, the Baroque Churches of the Philippines (Extension) nomination, nominates Loboc Church along with the churches of Patrocinio de Maria in Boljoon, Cebu, La Inmaculada Concepcion in Guiuan, Eastern Samar, San Matias in Tumauini, Isabela, and San Isidro Labrador in Lazi, Siquijor.
    • "On the other hand" is not really needed. Also, can you explain why you italicized "Jesuit Churches of the Philippines" and "Baroque Churches of the Philippines (Extension)"? Thanks.
Remove italicized formatting. --Carlojoseph14 (talk) 06:52, 11 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • The inner baroque façade, which is part of the 1734 church built by the Jesuits, is decorated with pilasters, capitals, blind niches and volutes.
    • Is "which is part of the 1734 church built by the Jesuits" really needed? After all, the article is about the 1734 church, right?
This is to distinguish the portico facade which is not part of the original structure. --Carlojoseph14 (talk) 06:52, 11 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • Along the pediment is a wooden bas-relief on galvanized iron of the papal tiara over crossed keys, (the symbol of Saint Peter) on the center and medallions carrying the icons of the Augustinians and Saint Peter on both ends.
    • This sentence is a bit unclear. Is the bas-relief in the center? If so, the comma is not needed and makes comprehension more difficult.
  • Located on the side niches of the Virgin Mary on the lowest level are statues of Saint Lucy, elected patron of the people against typhoon and Saint Francis Xavier against flood and alligators in 1697.
    • The phrase "on the side niches of the Virgin Mary" could be reworded for clarity, and "typoon" and "flood" should probably be changed to plural form. Also, I'd advise clarifying "in 1697", because it's not very obvious what it refers to. Does this mean that the people elected their patrons in 1697, or something else?
  • On the doorframes of the sacristy are two bas-reliefs depicting Saint Ignatius and the first Jesuits before Mary and the child Jesus and of St. Ignatius holding a book (in stucco)
    • Remove the italics (not sure how they got there), and add a period at the end of the sentence.

Thanks, --Biblioworm 20:59, 9 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

@Biblioworm:, please note of the changes. --Carlojoseph14 (talk) 06:52, 11 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]
@Carlojoseph14: I made a few minor copyedits. Most of the issues appear to be fixed, so I'll ✓ Pass this. --Biblioworm 03:51, 14 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]
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