Talk:Lee Sweatt/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: KnowIG (talk) 11:30, 14 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for criteria)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

Prose needs looking at and a bit of work to it before we get to GA standards. I'll sort it later. KnowIG (talk) 09:58, 15 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

General thought, lead seems a bit to focused on his college career, which most of he is not notable for. imo, plus do you need to mention his degree here. KnowIG (talk) 10:01, 15 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I'd prefer to keep the degree in there, keeping in mind that the lead is supposed to summarize the entire article. I'd say his degree is a pretty significant aspect of his personal life. I'll see about being more concise with the college material though.

I respect that choice

freshman.Is fresherman not the better word/phrase to use here.

Maybe another Americanism? Freshman is the standard term for a first-year college student/player.

No I'm well aware of it just didn't seem to read as well imo.

In addition to ranking first among team defensemen in scoring. Gives the impression that it's going to be a league high before you state team

What would you suggest?

How about he was the team's leading defenseman in scoring

career-high. The dashes don't look right in the article but you've used the correct ones

Is it okay then?

Yeah guess so

After starting off the 2009–10 season slowly. off is redundent

Sweatt's brother, Bill Sweatt,. Shorten the link to Bill.

team history . Team's

how did he do with the Moose.

Mentioned how many points he got with the Moose before being called up. Sufficient?

That's what I was after. I assume there is one than more player for his position, so he got picked on merit.

team's roster and placed on the long-term injured reserve (injured players are not eligible to be sent down to the minors).[15][16]. List needs to be inserted at the end.

Are you referring to putting the stuff in parentheses into a footnote?

No just insert the word list to make the sentence make sense. That's what I was after. e.g. injured reserve list.

has won two gold (2004, 2006), one silver (2009) and two bronze medals (2003, 2005) with the United States. Has redunedent. With the US redundent

Possibley put all the stuff on inline hockey in one paragraph

International ice hockey. One line. Can you expand. Or merge somewhere else until he plays more games

It's really hard to find info on this stuff as these are pretty low-profile tournaments. I'll see about simply incorporating the material into the playing career section.

Ok. As I say it can alway be reestablished later when he plays more internationals

brother Bill Sweatt, in Highland Park, Illinois, a drive of an hour-and-a-half away from Elburn. Does the reader really care how far away it was

Reference the awards and your done. KnowIG (talk) 22:24, 15 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

With the exception of the replies I've left regarding specific issues, I think I've addressed everything else. I'll await your response. Orlandkurtenbach (talk) 01:20, 17 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Further revisions done. Orlandkurtenbach (talk) 01:38, 21 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]