Talk:La Tortura/GA1

GA Review

Passed. Thebiguglyalien (talk) 21:48, 27 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Thebiguglyalien (talk · contribs) 17:33, 25 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

I'll have a review posted for this within the next day or two. Thebiguglyalien (talk) 17:33, 25 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

11JORN, the review is posted below. Thebiguglyalien (talk) 02:17, 26 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Well-written

I made a few minor copyedits, feel free to review them.
Shakira doesn't need to be called "the singer". We can just say "Shakira" or "she".

I used "the singer" so "Shakira" and "she" don't get too repetitive. Alex ^{reach me!} 16:51, 26 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

As it's written, it makes it read more awkwardly. It looks like the author is looking for any way to avoid saying "Shakira" (which is what's happening). It's better to be a little repetitive than to interrupt the flow like this. Thebiguglyalien (talk) 18:57, 26 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Thebiguglyalien I respect your opinion, but I don't think it interrupts the flow. Anyway, I have removed all "the singer" occurrences. Alex ^{reach me!} 21:35, 27 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Lead:

There are two sentences in a row with the word "also".

Background:

she wanted to work on an album – This doesn't really tell us anything. It can just say she hadn't decided whether to release the next album in Spanish or English.
the singer wanted to release its follow-up – Again, this is just telling us that she wanted to make an album, but we already know that she makes albums.
This would be her first since Dónde Están los Ladrones? (1998) – Her first what? Her first Spanish language album? Her first English/Spanish project?
a little girl but a giant woman who lives madly in love with her dreams and this song is not only an anecdote that proves that the obsession is the proof of love towards the characters of her songs – Are you sure this is an accurate translation? It's meandering and it doesn't make sense in some parts.

The source wrote the quotes totally wrong, so I have added the original source for the quotes. Alex ^{reach me!} 16:51, 26 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Recording and composition:

The first two sentences of this section use the word "also" three times.
According to Shakira herself, – This doesn't need to say "herself".
you better keep all that to another dog with that bone and we say goodbye – This doesn't sound right.

Critical response:

Spence D. from IGN noted that – Avoid "noted" for opinions. It can make it sound like we're saying he's right.

Music video:

Shakira declared that she really liked his work, and as she felt he was "a very sensitive man and he lived in Spain". – This doesn't make sense in this context.
the priest gave her the go-ahead – Informal
From that moment on, they remember things the pair had done – "From that moment on" doesn't make sense here.

Verifiable with no original research

All sources appear reliable. A better source than an Amazon page would be preferred to confirm its German release, but it's not that important.

Does the citation [1] Cobo (2005) link to the right article? It looks like a different issue.
There are a lot of quotations in this article. It's generally better to paraphrase when possible.
It might be a good idea to add the original Spanish quotes as footnotes so readers can see what the original wording was.
Some details of the music video are unsourced. If it's based off watching the music video, we can only say what we see on screen:
- Sanz' new girlfriend's apartment – How do we know she's a "new girlfriend"?
- she cries when she starts cutting the onions, but he does not know it – How do we know what he knows?
- while Shakira reveals her alter-ego dancing erotically on the building's roof – What does this mean? How do we know that it's her "alter-ego"?
- covered with black paint – Is it paint? At least one of the sources I checked called it something else.

Spot checks:

[2] Montgomery (2005) – Does this support that Laundry Service brought about her crossover success?

I have added a new source which also supports this. Alex ^{reach me!} 16:51, 26 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

[19] Diaz-Zuniga (2014) – The song ends as she finally leaves him, despite his pleas, by saying she will not cry over him is copied almost exactly from the source.
[30] Univision (2006) Y
[68] Gell (2006) Y
[72] Castaneda (2013) – This just says that it was the first Spanish language performance, not the first non-English performance. Diaz-Zuniga (2014) supports this claim though, so that one could be added.

Broad in its coverage

The "Background" section goes into a lot of detail about the entire album. A few sentences explaining the album is fine, but this article should mostly be about the song. Most of this belongs on the article Fijación Oral, Vol. 1. This section also has a lot of information about the recording and release, which should be in their own sections. This section should be about things before they started recording.

Neutral

No ideas are given undue weight.

Stable

No recent disputes.

Illustrated

Both of the non-free images and the non-free sound file have valid non-free use rationales. All other images are Creative Commons. All images have relevant captions. There's no exact rule for when an image is relevant and I'm not going to count it against the review, but I'm not sure about the relevance of an image of Enrique Iglesias, who's only mentioned in passing.

Thebiguglyalien, thank you for this review. I have made some additional changes to the article, which are listed below:

The "Background" section was renamed to "Background and development" and rewritten, omitting bits about the album and adding info about the song's recording.
The "Recording and composition" section was renamed to "Composition" and I left only the composition credits and info about the song's musical style and lyrics.
I have rewritten much of the music video's synopsis considering your notes, please take a look.

Alex ^{reach me!} 16:51, 26 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.