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GA Review

[edit]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: 3family6 (talk · contribs) 22:48, 15 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]


GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
  7. Overall: Numerous grammatical, phrasing, and word choice errors. Significant citation errors, inaccuracies, and lack of referencing. --¿3family6 contribs 22:48, 15 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
The issue are resolved, it's good to go. It's been a pleasure working with you, STATicVapor and DepressedPer.--¿3family6 contribs 13:37, 18 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  1. Pass/Fail:

Writing

[edit]
  • What is the "Ruthless Records situation?"
"Hopsin has said that the overall vibe of the album is different from his previous album Raw and that he has said all he needs to about the Ruthless Records situation." - What is the "situation?" I don't expect a lot of prose on this, but there should be a bit of an explanation here as to what the situation was.
 Done There is a link to his article to provide any needed information about the situation. It is overall irrelevant to this album. STATic message me! 07:17, 17 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Maybe re-write as "...said all that he needs to about leaving Ruthless Records" or something to that effect? I know that the link is there, but "Ruthless Records situation" is still too ambiguous.
Took care of it. DepressedPer (talk) 16:16, 17 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • Some awkward sentence phrasing or lack of clarity
Render the prose in the "Background" section in past tense
 Done STATic message me! 07:17, 17 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
"On April 20, 2012, Hopsin and Funk Volume posted pictures on their official Facebook pages of Hopsin with Blink-182 drummer Travis Barker." - Official Facebook pages of Hopsin with Travis Barker? That's the title of the pages? Rewrite as something like "On April 20, 2012, Hopsin and Funk Volume posted to their respective official Facebook pages pictures which depicted Hopsin with Blink-182 drummer Travis Barker.
 Done STATic message me! 07:17, 17 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
"He also indicated the album will be released with a bonus CD that will have all the "Ill Mind of Hopsin" songs remastered, however this did not happen." - I admit that I have not mastered the English language, but I think this should be rephrased as "He also indicated the album would be released with a bonus CD that will have all the 'Ill Mind of Hopsin' songs remastered, however this did not happen." [emphasis added through italics]
 Done STATic message me! 07:17, 17 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
"'Tears to Snow' is an emotional song about him and his ex-girlfriend having issues and breaking up. He explains how she would think he would be cheating on her." - I do not understand the second sentence (maybe merge the two sentences as well?)
 Done STATic message me! 07:17, 17 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
"It had also charted at number 18 on Billboard's Hot R&B/Hip-Hop Digital songs chart." - "had" here is redundant
checkY Done, though I noticed now that the paragraph does not distinguish between the single and the music video. The video attracted millions of views, the single charted.--¿3family6 contribs 01:33, 17 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
"In February 2013, Hopsin would say the album should be released around September 2013" - just say it straight: "In February 2013, Hopsin said the album should be released around September 2013" or "...would be released..."
checkY Done.--¿3family6 contribs 03:13, 16 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
"At the end of the "Old Friend" music video the release date was confirmed as November 26, 2013, along with Hopsin also releasing the album cover for Knock Madness." - rewrite as something like this: "At the end of the music video "Old Friend", Hopsin revealed the album cover for Knock Madness, as well as the album's release date, November 26, 2013."
 Done STATic message me! 07:17, 17 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
"The series featured how Hopsin gets inspired, comes up with new lyrics, and mixes the songs for Knock Madness." - The sentence is grammatically sound, but would flow better with the context if rendered in past tense
 Done STATic message me! 07:17, 17 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
"It would end up being excluded from the album." - the music video or the single?
 Done STATic message me! 07:17, 17 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
"Hopsin stated that he planned to premiere the first official single of Knock Madness at the 2013 Paid Dues Festival, though he would end up not performing any new material." - rewrite as "Though Hopsin stated... ...Festival, he would end up not performing any new material." Right now it sounds like the absence of any new material was part of his original statement.
"In July 18, 2013, Hopsin released the music video for "Old Friend" on his YouTube channel,[41] and to iTunes the next day as a single." - the music video was released as a single? You need to differentiate here.
 Done STATic message me! 07:17, 17 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
"Following the album's leak, it was released to iTunes early on November 24, 2013." - say "digital release" rather than "leak", as leak implies illegality or at least lack of authorization
checkY Done.--¿3family6 contribs 03:13, 16 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
It was an illegal leak, which resulted in them releasing it to iTunes two days earlier. STATic message me! 23:12, 16 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Could this be explained then? I don't see anything about that in the article, and I think that it is rather important.--¿3family6 contribs 00:16, 17 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Removed, I do not feel like trying to look for the tweet/facebook post where that was announced. STATic message me! 07:17, 17 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • Grammatical errors
"Knock Madness was supported by three singles, "Old Friend", "Hop Is Back", and "Rip Your Heart Out", the latter of which features Tech N9ne." - should be "the last of which"
checkY Done--¿3family6 contribs 03:13, 16 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
In "Recording and production", states "... currently recording the album and that he hoped to have it completed by June, and consisting of eighteen songs." - rewrite as "... currently recording the album, having recorded eighteen songs, and that he hoped to have the album completed by June."
 Done STATic message me! 07:17, 17 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
"In October 2013, Hospin confirmed that he had finished recording the album, and had turned it in to Funk Volume." - eliminate the comma after "recording the album" (perhaps also merge the next sentence —about him remastering the album 20-30 times— with this one?)
 Done STATic message me! 07:17, 17 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
In Hopsin's explanation of "Hip Hop Sinister", it quotes him as saying "It's just a rap song just have bars and sound dope." Is that error in the original, or was it made during transcription to Wikipedia? I couldn't verify myself, as the citations are wrong (see my comments below)
I have no idea who messed that up, of course I cited it properly when I first added that section-.-. Now its all good. STATic message me! 07:17, 17 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
"He later confirmed that the song is not the sixth in the "Ill Mind of Hopsin" series, but rather the first single from Knock Madness" - eliminate the comma here
 Done STATic message me! 07:17, 17 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
"'Rip Your Heart Out' featuring Tech N9ne was released as the album's third single on November 12, 2013." - use commas to separate "featuring Tech N9ne" from the rest of the sentence
 Done STATic message me! 07:17, 17 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
"The same day, Hopsin and Tech N9ne filmed the music video for "Rip Your Heart Out",[50] The music video for 'I Need Help' was released on April 6, 2014." - should be a period at the end of the first sentence
 Done STATic message me! 07:17, 17 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
"In the end saying..." - should be "In the end Burgess said..." (You also add "Hopsin" inside brackets into the quote like so - "When he [Hopsin] strikes the..." to help distinguish from Burgess).
checkY Done--¿3family6 contribs 13:48, 16 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
"Grillo of DJBooth... ...conceding that there are moments when he 'weighs himself (and the audience) down with layers upon layers of negativity', though admitting that the album 'works best when Hopsin is either angrily fighting or humorously poking fun at some sort of ludicrosity.'" - I had trouble distinguishing between Hopsin and Grillo. Rewrite this portion of the sentence as "...conceding that there are moments when Hopsin 'weighs himself (and the audience) down with layers upon layers of negativity', though admitting that the album 'works best when Hopsin is either angrily fighting or humorously poking fun at some sort of ludicrosity.'" [italics added for emphasis]
checkY Done--¿3family6 contribs 03:13, 16 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • Song titles inside quotes
Make sure to render song titles inside quotes with a single quotes, 'like this', instead of double, "like this"
 Done STATic message me! 07:17, 17 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • Expressing numbers - make sure all numbers rendered in prose, apart from the charting info, sales figures, and the Metacritic rating
What do you mean? STATic message me! 07:17, 17 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Ah, here we are: WP:NUMERAL. I wasn't entirely correct in my comment, follow this guideline. And for numbers that can either be expressed as numerals or as words, just make sure that the article is consistent and applies the same rule throughout the article.--¿3family6 contribs 13:55, 17 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Looks to be all good to me. STATic message me! 06:20, 18 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Referencing

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  • In the "Background" section, the citation for Hopsin's Twitter posts confirms that the album was his top priority, but doesn't support the statement that he might step back from the music business
Removed. STATic message me! 07:31, 17 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • No citation given for the pictures of Hopsin with Travis Barker - how is that noteworthy without a source saying so? Is this in the ten-minute video that's cited in the next sentence about Barker potentially producing the album?
It used to be cited, do not know what happened. No way I am going to find a two year old facebook post, so removed. STATic message me! 07:31, 17 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "On July 19, 2012, Hopsin stated via Ustream that new Funk Volume artist Jarren Benton would also be featured on the album." - no citation for this
checkY This sentence was deleted.--¿3family6 contribs 13:48, 16 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • In "Recording and production", states "...consisting of 20 songs." - Source says eighteen songs
checkY Done--¿3family6 contribs 13:48, 16 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • The citations for Hopsin's explanation of "Hip Hop Sinister" link to the release of "Good Guys Get Left Behind" - there's absolutely no information about "Hip Hop Sinister" in those sources
Someone f'd this up, I went back a few months and added the citation back and the sentence that was cited by those two seemingly random sources. STATic message me! 07:31, 17 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Old Friend" - article quotes Hopsin saying that the song "I wanted to show what early wrong decisions can do to youngsters in the long run. I also wanted to show what they can possibly miss out on." But according to the source, that's what Hopsin said about the album.
No he is talking about the song, that the press release was accompanying. The way the source wrote it might have confused you. STATic message me! 07:31, 17 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for clearing that up.--¿3family6 contribs 13:55, 17 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • The info about the meaning of "What's My Purpose" is verifiable in the XXL article cited for the other songs, but there's no citation to that article for that song
Huh? The citation at the end of the paragraph supports; "The song "What's My Purpose" is, according to Hopsin, "about a human born into this current dark society. How everybody is doing the same thing. Nobody is really different. And the government has us here to just make money." He also touches on his race-related arrest after a concert in Orlando, Florida. The album's outro "Caught In the Rain" discusses about how Hopsin is soul-searching and needing to find himself." all that. STATic message me! 07:31, 17 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Because the Hopsin is directly quoted in this Wikipedia article, there NEEDS to be a citation at the end of the sentence. Normally at the end of the paragraph is fine, but because he is quoted, there needs to be a citation there, too.
 Done STATic message me! 06:20, 18 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • The Billboard article with the chart info for "Ill Mind of Hopsin 5" says it peaked at No. 17, not No. 18. The second link to Hopsin's chart info on Billboard is a bare url, and as of now does not contain info on the song (and may I just say that Billboard's website is an absolute nightmare to work with)
checkY Done.--¿3family6 contribs 01:30, 17 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • No citation given for the delay of Hopsin's EP collab with Barker
checkY This sentence was deleted.--¿3family6 contribs 13:48, 16 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • Funk Volume tour - first citation doesn't mention the tour at all, the second source says forty-four shows in fifty days
A link to a poster on Facebook replaced the first source, but it doesn't support the fifty-eight days claim in the article. The site that it links to does support this, however.--¿3family6 contribs 13:48, 16 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
The XXL source says 44 shows in 50 days and then once the European dates from the Facebook source are added that is the total that you get. STATic message me! 07:31, 17 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Ok, thank you.--¿3family6 contribs 13:55, 17 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • Article says that Hopsin ended up not performing any new material at Paid Dues, but there is no source confirming that
checkY This sentence was deleted.--¿3family6 contribs 00:16, 17 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • Article says that the music video for "Old Friend" came out on the 18th of July, and the single dropped on iTunes the next day, but both the video and the single say that they were released on the 17th.
checkY Done--¿3family6 contribs 13:48, 16 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]


  • Reference section does not follow a consistent format. For example, XXL is sometimes listed as XXL and other times as Xxlmag.com, sometimes publisher information is given while other times it isn't, etc.
Are there any citations that still have any problems? STATic message me! 07:31, 17 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Needing publisher information: #8, #12, #19, #32, # 39, #53, #60 and #61
Needing wikilinks: #50 (for CBS Interactive), #60 (for the source).--¿3family6 contribs 13:55, 17 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
The wikilinks I fixed. The last three reference citations seem to have the right info. DepressedPer (talk) 16:16, 17 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Anything still outstanding in the refs? STATic message me! 06:20, 18 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Overall

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Once these issues are resolved, I'll be happy to promote the article to Good Article status.--¿3family6 contribs 22:48, 15 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you, DepressedPer, for the work you have done so far.--¿3family6 contribs 03:14, 16 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for the review 3family6, I should be getting to the rest shortly. STATic message me! 23:12, 16 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
You're welcome, STATicVapor, it's been a pleasure reviewing this.--¿3family6 contribs 00:16, 17 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
@3family6: Mostly everything is done bro, I left a few comments so I am looking forward to hearing from you. STATic message me! 07:32, 17 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
@STATicVapor: I've commented on the changes.
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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