Talk:Kelsey Wakefield/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Ruby2010 (talk · contribs) 00:07, 21 April 2012 (UTC)

Hello, I will be this article's reviewer. Ruby 2010/2013 00:07, 21 April 2012 (UTC)

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

1. It is reasonably well written.

   a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):

2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.

   a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):

3. It is broad in its coverage.

   a (major aspects): b (focused):

4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.

   Fair representation without bias:

5. It is stable.

   No edit wars, etc.:

6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.

   a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):

7. Overall:

   Pass/Fail:

Comments

Lead

• Water polo could use a wikilink in the lead. There are others you could add too (FINA Water Polo World League for instance - I think that's the correct link...)
  • • Fixed. --LauraHale (talk) 03:41, 21 April 2012 (UTC)
• The lead is a bit too vague and confusing in its current form for someone unfamiliar with water polo:

• "She has been a member of the Australia women's national water polo team at the junior and senior level" - this could be better specified by gauging the time (amt of years or span of years)

• • • Fixed. --LauraHale (talk) 03:41, 21 April 2012 (UTC)

• Also, I think placing the tournaments in the order they were played would be better (2010, 2011)

• • • Fixed. --LauraHale (talk) 03:41, 21 April 2012 (UTC)

• The lead also could use a copyedit (each sentence starts with "she" a lot, which is hard on the eyes)

• • • Fixed. --LauraHale (talk) 03:41, 21 April 2012 (UTC)

• When did she win "a championship as a member of the Brisbane Barracudas in the National Water Polo League"? (you give so many years already, that it seems odd not to have one for this championship)

• • • Fixed. --LauraHale (talk) 03:46, 21 April 2012 (UTC)

• What does "the junior and senior level" mean? I don't intend for you to add unnecessary detail, but are there any wikilinks you could input here to aid readers?

• • • Not sure how to fix this other than creating an article for the Australian women's national under-20 team, which could probably be written that way. But yeah, one is an open team for the top players regardless of age who compete in all events. (Hence, senior.) The juniors are an age restricted development squad that feed to the senior team. (They also compete internationally and represent the country.) --LauraHale (talk) 03:46, 21 April 2012 (UTC)

Personal life

• "She is based in Brisbane, Queensland." seems out of place in that part of the section
  • • Fixed. --LauraHale (talk) 04:17, 21 April 2012 (UTC)
• The section seems like it could use more wikilinks (I see a lot of uncommon terms, like specific championships)
  • • Cannot find links for some of these. For example, no article about the Australian junior national athletics championship or mention of the event in Australian Athletics Championships or Little Athletics. Did add a few more links. --LauraHale (talk) 04:17, 21 April 2012 (UTC)

Water polo

• "In 2007, she as a member of the U16 national team" - typo ("was a member"?)
  • • Fixed. --LauraHale (talk) 04:17, 21 April 2012 (UTC)
• The Seniors section has a lot of redlinks (are you planning on eventually turning those into articles?) The section can probably be split into more than one paragraph
  • • Fixed. Removed most red links. Left Pan Pacific Championship as red as that really does need some one to create it. (Though not me today.) It is one of the major water polo competitions. --LauraHale (talk) 04:26, 21 April 2012 (UTC)
• "Only two of them would move on be named to the national team to compete at the Olympics." - missing word
  • • Fixed. --LauraHale (talk) 04:26, 21 April 2012 (UTC)
• "She attended training camp that started on 20 February 2012 at the Australian Institute of Sport." -> "She attended training camp that started on 20 February 2012 at the Australian Institute of Sport (AIS)."
  • • Fixed. --LauraHale (talk) 04:26, 21 April 2012 (UTC)
• "She competed in the second and matches..." - typo
  • • Fixed. --LauraHale (talk) 04:26, 21 April 2012 (UTC)

I'm glad you've chosen to focus on female athletics; you've really been productively editing! I don't think this article needs too much extra work to bring it to GA, so I'll place it on hold for seven days. You can respond here when you've finished adding your improvements. Thanks, Ruby 2010/2013 02:20, 21 April 2012 (UTC)

I'm satisfied with your changes. Passing the article for GA. Nice work! Ruby 2010/2013 05:14, 21 April 2012 (UTC)