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GA Review

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Reviewer: Petergriffin9901 (talk · contribs) 10:33, 22 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you Peter for taking this review :). XXSNUGGUMSXX (talk) 13:28, 22 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Of course buddy :)--PeterGriffin • Talk2Me 19:40, 22 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]
When can the review be expected to begin? XXSNUGGUMSXX (talk) 19:54, 22 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Peter's Review

[edit]

References and general

  • I don't mind Yahoo! articles written by Grein on chart stats from Nielsen etc. However... A Yahoo! blog is not sufficient to claim her net worth.
  • Before I remove/replace it, got any better sources for her net worth? Forbes is only displaying her yearly earnings and not her actual net worth. There's this (which is noted for being unreliable) and this (which could be questionable). Yahoo! was the best I could find at the time I added it. I'm hesitant to have net worth empty, as her financial earnings have been prominent in recent years. XXSNUGGUMSXX (talk) 22:35, 22 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]

*Seem to have a typo in Ref #1

  • What makes #19 reliable?
  • I don't see how it's appropriate whatsoever to have YouTube as a source in a GA high profile article (there are several instances).
  • There are several. Videos can be easily manipulated (both audio and visuals). Here is further reading on the matter. No YouTube/Facebook/Twitter sources will be acceptable (critical analysis on her popularity on said platforms will, of course, be OK.--PeterGriffin • Talk2Me 13:47, 23 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • Inconsistencies in ref formatting (see #s 15 & 38, both Rolling Stone).
  • See issues apply with using Facebook/Twitter etc.
  • Definitely not third-party, though I disagree about an artist's own official page being unreliable. A fan's Facebook/Twitter would most certainly unreliable, though. In any case, replacing..... XXSNUGGUMSXX (talk) 21:35, 25 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]

*Forbes' editor is Steve Forbes, not the publisher. The company is Forbes Inc. You can pick whether you want to include it or not.

  • Ref #103 seems to be missing some parameters
  • What makes Ref #113 reliable?
  • Do you not have any better sources for her tour/dates than these cheesy ticketmaster sites?

*Ref #120 has some issues

  • Ref #121 not consistent with other Billboard format used (same for #125 etc).
  • What makes #129 a high quality and journalistic critic/review? Same for #s 149 & 151 & 153..
  • Ref #136 is missing some parameters and inconsistent with other newspaper formats used
  • Ref #144 has some issues
  • I don't know how I feel about "AskMen".. It's not really an encyclopedic and credible source/tally/opinion
  • Ref #159.. Flavor Flav?
  • What makes #178 reliable? Or #220?

Lead/Infobox

  • Don't you think it would be appropriate to list some of her thuper duper frequent collaborators by "Associated acts?
The only acts that frequently collaborate with her are producers/co-writers, and I'm not sure they would qualify for "Associated acts". Anyone else's thoughts? S△M talk 19:06, 23 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]

::Yeah co-writers and producers are generally not considered associated acts unless they contribute vocals or something. XXSNUGGUMSXX (talk) 20:30, 23 May 2014 (UTC) [reply]

  • Pick US or U.S. - not both.
 Done, I am assisting with this G.A. Happy 2 Help!--Shane Cyrus (talk) 13:55, 23 May 2014 (UTC) [reply]
Look who found themselves on yet another page that has nothing to do with them...--PeterGriffin • Talk2Me 14:04, 23 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • She was born near Santa Barbara, California and primarily grew up there before moving to Los Angeles -> I think it would read best to mention her birth and then continue onto "moving to LA to pursue a career in the entertainment industry etc." or something of the like
 DoneI've added "to pursue a career in the music industry." at the end. S△M talk 19:06, 23 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]
You missed my point partly. I find "primarily grew up there as well" to be superfluous. You improved it, but it needs a bit more tightening.--PeterGriffin • Talk2Me 06:42, 24 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]
There's another issue too. The way it is now implies that she moved to LA before releasing her gospel album, when in fact she didn't move there until a year later, in 2002. I've reworded that paragraph. S△M talk 15:26, 24 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • Per best read, "as a result of her limited exposure to mainstream music during her upbringing" should be at the end of the sentence.
 Done
  • pursue a career in the music industry. She pursued a career in -> Now you've replaced it with another issue. "In 2001, Perry released her debut [...]
  • She later recorded a collaborative album with The Matrix and a solo album she worked on with Glen Ballard, the latter of which was never released. -> This sentence is kind of iffy. Lose later. Also, she released the collaborative album. It reads as though both were recorded, however never released. Definitely could use some improvement.
 Done Tried to fix this but not sure if I've made it even more complex in all honesty. Anyone else is free to change it again. S△M talk 19:06, 23 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Better, but can still be tightened and improved further.

*She rose to prominence -> Prominence is kind of vague (I know what you mean). Maybe "top of pop music"? Just my opinion honestly.

Maybe rose to fame? I'm not sure how to word that one. S△M talk 19:06, 23 May 2014 (UTC) [reply]
  • with the release of her single "I Kissed a Girl" followed by her second album, One of the Boys (2008), -> Maybe taken from her second album. I don't know why it was written as though they are separate entities.
I think it's because the single was released before the album, so it's clarifying that the album came later. S△M talk 19:06, 23 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • which is predominantly pop rock. -> Awkwardly written. Weird shift in tense (rose, is).
 Done Made it a separate sentence.
from her second album, One of the Boys (2008). The album is predominantly pop rock. -> repetitive, small and choppy prose. Not enough.

*Perry's third record, Teenage Dream (2010), -> record is vague. Could mean a single.

 Done Changed to "album".
  • Billboard Hot 100 -> Link Billboard and Hot 100 (separately).
 Done
  • Teenage Dream became the first album recorded by a female artist -> recorded seems superfluous
 Done
  • in history -> A bit weird. Really only Billboard's history
 Done Removed that part.
  • All these genres should be linked (especially as most of them aren't even listed in the infobox).
 Done Linked all the genres.
  • she re-released Teenage Dream as Teenage Dream: The Complete Confection, -> repetitive. Maybe just the album
 Done
  • In March 2012, she re-released Teenage Dream as Teenage Dream: The Complete Confection, which contained the number-one single "Part of Me". -> This sentence in general lacks proper structure.
 Done Changed it a bit, but not sure if it's any better. Anyone else is welcome to rethink that sentence. S△M talk 19:06, 23 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • Can use effort as well (instead of only album) etc.
  • The album was originally planned to be darker than Perry's previous material, but ultimately became influenced by Swedish dance music and focuses heavily on self-empowerment. -> Darker is a bit vague. It was planned to be darker? I mean what does that even mean? became influenced, focuses heavily. Awkward.
 Done Removed the "darker" sentence as it's not really relevant enough to be mentioned in the lead. Also removed "focuses heavily on self-empowerment" for the same reason. Perhaps the album's genres could be mentioned as with the other albums? S△M talk 19:06, 23 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • Numerous is problematic and POV
  • including eleven Grammy nominations and Billboard dubbed her as -> Total shift hooked together by and.. reads very awkwardly
 Done Split into two sentences.
Could be much better (still an improvement). Though album, album, nomination, nomination is getting somewhat tiresome.

*the US

 Done Should "the" be there? I'm assuming so, added it.
  • at #14 -> ranker her #14
 Done
  • top moneymakers? I get that's what they call it, but unless it's in quotations, earners would be better.
 Done
  • her 3D -> a
 Done
  • better words to describe her fallout with Brand than "breakdown".
 Done Changed to "ending".
I think the dissolution of her marriage is best.
No problem. XXSNUGGUMSXX (talk) 15:26, 24 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]

*Early November 2013 -> I think we're being a bit to specific.

 Done Changed to just "November 2013".
  • and 81 million singles worldwide and her singles are some of the best-selling worldwide. -> A lot of ands. Reads kind of poorly. In general a lot of sentences use and in an attempt to hook poor prose together
 Done

Perry has sold more than 11 million albums and 81 million singles worldwide, with her singles being some of the best-selling.[7][8] As of May 2014, she holds the record for most quintuple-platinum certified singles in the United States, with six holding the certification. -> Too much man. Just record after stat after stat hits you in the face. Trim and fix.

  • she holds the record for most 5x platinum singles in the United States, -> Reads poorly. That aside, I think quintuple-platinum certified would be better.
 Done Changed to "quintuple-platinum certified". Not sure how else to word the sentence, anyone else is free to try. S△M talk 19:06, 23 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Better but.. certified.. certification.
  • with six of her singles reaching the achievement. -> confusing. Just plain bad.
 Done Tried altering it slightly, still not sure about it though. I'll leave it to someone else to give it a try. S△M talk 19:06, 23 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Early life

  • Her younger brother David is the lead singer of the band Hudson. -> You should introduce him and other siblings first
  • She and David -> kind of iffy
  • Keith is of English descent while Mary is of Irish, Portuguese, English, and German descent. -> Jumping around too much. Finish introducing her parents and their origins, then move on to siblings etc.
  • As children, she and her siblings attended religious schools and camps, including Santa Barbara Christian School for their elementary years. -> As children, they (no need to always put she and siblings). One of which was SBCS
  • While moving around the country and frequently changing schools, -> I see while is being overused. Maybe "Perry found [] difficult, often losing []. Switch it up a bit. Quickly seems unnecessary.
  • She describes herself as sometimes feeling "out of place" during the early part of her childhood. -> She described herself as feeling.
  • A lot of repetition. While, As a child, Growing up. We get it. You're describing her life as a young girl.
  • Perry's family lived in poverty and "barely got by" while she was growing up
  • She described -> again
  • She revealed that sometimes they would eat from the same food bank intended to feed the congregation at her parents' church, and took use of food stamps at one point. She described feeling "embarrassed" of her family's financial struggles as a child. -> Reads poorlyy. Listen, you are the journalist here. You don't need to preface everything with "she described" "according to". Stick with facts as you're the author. Perry often found herself eating []
  • Growing up, she and her siblings were "sheltered from the 'secular world'" and all of their friends were from churches or religious schools. -> again. More of the friends stuff. It's a bit all over the place
  • Perry described
  • For example? -> Not journalistic.
  • Her brother David recalled. Repetitive. You've introduced David as her brother several times already
  • and would watch the music channel at her friends' houses without her parents' knowledge, which led to her discovery of most popular music. -> That last part is a bit run-on
  • Perry initially sang during a phase of "copycatting" her sister Angela -> Totally confusing and poorly written
  • I'm guessing that "Perry initially started singing because she was in the middle of a phase where she was "copycatting" her sister Angela." would be even worse, but am not entirely sure how to TNT this..... for now, going with "Perry started singing while "copycatting" Angela." XXSNUGGUMSXX (talk) 00:22, 25 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • Growing up, she often took cassette tapes -> more of then same
  • cassette tapes Angela practiced with and did likewise. -> not good
  • Why did Angela have different treatment? I thought they were all equally sheltered
  • She performed them in front of their parents, who suggested she take vocal coaching. -> performed them? What? She performed cassettes? Also, you don't take vocal training. You take classes or are vocally trained. She was vocally trained, she received vocal training
  • The next 3 sentences start with she. That's an indication of weak prose
  • performed in various churches and then at restaurants and coffeehouses. -> run-on. Poor punctuation
  • during that time -> during that period
  • She also

1999-2006

  • Perry's church vocals attracted -> Could mean her gospel-flavored vocals, could mean her actual vocals during service.
  • and left school in the pursuit of a career in music. -> try to better incorporate this into the sentence
  • Link Italian Opera
  • was taught by country music veterans -> a bit repetitive. Needs tightening
  • Perry signed to the Christian music label Red Hill Records. She recorded and released her debut album, titled Katy Hudson, on March 6, 2001-> choppy. Merge/fix up
  • She supported this album with The Strangely Normal Tour along with Phil Joel -> She embarked on a tour in support of the album....
  • She shifted away from gospel music towards pop and rock -> She waned from [...], and began traversing into....
  • Having grown up listening to mostly gospel music, she had few references when she began recording songs. -> repetitive
  • Asked by a producer with whom she would like to collaborate, Perry said she had no idea. -> poor
  • She first heard about producer Glen Ballard after turning on VH1 and watching him talking about Alanis Morissette one night in September 2002, prompting her interest in working with him. He had produced Morissette's Jagged Little Pill, which had a "huge influence" on her. -> awkward. Merge/punctuate/fix up
  • After she became interested in working with Ballard, the two met in Los Angeles, California. -> weak
  • Perry presented one of her songs to Ballard, who then helped develop her songwriting over the next few years. -> needs work. Over the next few year, [...]
  • Perry subsequently decided to leave her home for Los Angeles in the hopes of pursuing a music career. -> repetitive. trivial
  • In 2003, she briefly performed as "Katheryn Perry" to avoid confusion with actress Kate Hudson before adopting the stage name "Katy Perry". -> punctuation
  • after Ballard showed her music to executives at the label. -> kind of redundant. Consider re-wording
  • The same year, -> that
  • However, according to Perry, the label at Columbia Records was not amenable with her vision and did not give her full creative control. Instead, one of Columbia's ideas was to pair her with the record production team The Matrix, who was working on an album, to serve as its female vocalist. -> Change it to encyclopedic writing. Perry felt the label, Columbia didn't share her vision etc.
  • At eighty percent completion, however, Columbia decided not to finish it. -> At roughly 80% completion, Columbia halted production....
  • The album ended up being shelved. -> hook that on above
  • Her burgeoning music career led to her being named "The Next Big Thing" in October 2004 by Blender magazine. -> consider re-wording. You just said her first attempt at an album was shelved, now she's all of a sudden got a 'promising and blooming career'?
  • A solo album she had worked on with Ballard was scheduled for release on August 18, 2005 but was cancelled and Perry was subsequently dropped from Columbia Records -> poor.
  • "Simple", one of the songs she recorded with Ballard, -> repetitive
  • What does "I Do Not Hook Up" have to do with Perry?
  • While waiting to find another label, she worked in an independent A&R company called Taxi Music. -> weak
  • In early 2006, she sang backing vocals on P.O.D.'s single "Goodbye for Now" and was featured in the music video -> she provided background vocals and appeared in the music video for [..]
  • Late that November, she played the love interest of her then-boyfriend Gym Class Heroes lead singer Travie McCoy in the band's music video for "Cupid's Chokehold" -> needs tightening. Late that November reads poorly--PeterGriffin • Talk2Me 02:05, 28 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Breakthrough

  • Link Virgin Records
  • At the time Flom was leading -> at the time, Flom
  • At the time Flom was leading a complete revival in fortunes at the label and looking to crown recent achievements by breaking a global pop act. -> super confusing
  • Despite mixed reactions from fellow Virgin executives, Flom became convinced that Perry could be a breakthrough star and as a result, Perry was signed to the newly created Capitol Music Group, a merger between Virgin and Capitol, in April 2007 -> weak, run-on sentence. Consider trimming and re-writing. Also 'mixed reaction'
  • As part of the deal, the label secured the masters to the unfinished album, recorded while at Columbia, that would go on to form a significant part of her album One of the Boys. -> big problems here. What album? You haven't properly introduced anything. Needs a lot of work
  • Since executives felt the album was lacking an "undeniable smash or two", they arranged for her to collaborate with producer Dr. Luke. -> There was nothing leading up to this. No discussion on the album whatsoever, and now boom it's all here? TNT this paragraph mate.
  • The two co-wrote her songs "I Kissed a Girl" and "Hot n Cold". A campaign was started with the November 2007 release of the video to "Ur So Gay", aimed at introducing her to the music market and establishing her image. A digital EP led by "Ur So Gay" was later released to create online buzz and press story.[2][24] Madonna helped publicize "Ur So Gay" by praising the track on the JohnJay & Rich show in April 2008 and encouraging listeners to purchase and listen to it.[25] -> More TNT. I need you to first introduce her work on the album, then the Columbia-Virgin shift, then the collaborations, then the releases. This section up until now needs to go boom-boom-boom ;)
  • "I Kissed a Girl" was released on April 28, 2008 as the album's lead single. -> Again, you haven't really made it clear what album or where it all of a sudden came from
  • Her A&R, Chris Anokute, told HitQuarters the song and its controversial theme had been met with strong resistance at the label. Anokute said that they needed the support of one of the label's radio promoters; otherwise, she would have likely been dropped again. -> very poor read
  • Perry also performed backing vocals on the song "Another Night in the Hills" from Gavin Rossdale's solo album Wanderlust, which was released in early June 2008. -> just a random trivial fact that was poorly introduced. Doesn't really belong here (at least not like that)
  • "I Kissed a Girl" reached the number one position in the United States, and proceeded to top the Billboard Hot 100 for seven consecutive weeks -> redundant. Reached number one on the US Billboard Hot 100
  • The song also became Perry's first number one single in many other countries, including the United Kingdom, Germany, Canada, and Australia. Perry's second album One of the Boys was released on June 17, 2008, to mixed critical reviews.[28] The album reached number nine on the Billboard 200. -> she never had a number 1 period. Needs a lot of work
  • The fourth paragraph is just a big mess
  • Link Matrix and their album separately
  • The Matrix's self-titled debut album, which features Perry, was later released via the team's label Let's Hear It during Perry's solo tour as a result of her success. -> poor
  • When the release date was scheduled, "I Kissed a Girl" had been charting well. Matrix member Lauren Christy spoke to Perry about the decision, but she wanted to hold the release until the fourth single of One of the Boys had been dispatched. Despite their communication, The Matrix was released onto iTunes on January 27, 2009 -> run-on, confusing
  • The following month, she was featured on a remix of Colorado-based band 3OH!3's song "Starstrukk", the idea for the collaboration having come after Perry's tour that featured 3OH!3 as the supporting act. -> the latter part isn't fitted well into the sentence

Teenage Dream

  • Perry appeared as a guest judge alongside Simon Cowell, Cheryl Cole, and Louis Walsh during the Dublin audition stage of the seventh series of the English television show The X Factor on June 28, 2010. -> reads fine. Needs some punctuation
  • The album received generally mixed reviews from music critics, and has since been certified 2x platinum by the Recording Industry Association of America -> References needed for international positions, as well as critical analysis. Also, 'double-platinum' (spell out when under 2 digits.
  • Link RIAA
  • Maybe skip all the fluff and just list the album's sales at 5.7 million?
  • Female artist
  • A lot of the claims here are lacking references (I know they are true)
  • The song is Perry's highest selling single in the United States as of May 2014. -> At 5m, the song remains [..]
  • On February 20, 2011, a few days after the release of "E.T." -> redundant. You already listed ETs date in the previous sentence
  • Spanning 124 shows [..], the California [..] grossed [..]
  • breaking the chart's previous record -> redundant
  • On June 6, the album's fifth single, "Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)", was released. -> choppy, misplaced
  • Perry became the first female artist to achieve five number one Hot 100 songs from one album when "Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)" topped the Billboard Hot 100 on August 17, 2011, and the second artist after Michael Jackson with his 1987 album Bad. -> since you're listing this, it's not necessary to mention the 9 years record and all others prior etc.
  • The week of September 17, with single "Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)", marked Perry's record-breaking 69th consecutive week in the Top 10 -> re-write
  • which was extended to October 2 -> trivial. Didn't mention its original end date either
  • On October 4, 2011, "The One That Got Away" was released as the sixth and final single from Teenage Dream, peaking at three on the Hot 100. -> repetitive. Maybe, "with the release of [..], Teenage Dreambecame the [..]
  • the most by any album and setting a new record in the chart -> obvious
  • Perry's work on the episode received generally positive reviews from critics, who praised her comedic timing and the episode's digital short which featured Perry and Andy Samberg, however some critics noted that Perry's performance in the episode was overshadowed by cast regular Kristen Wiig. -> run-on, too much info
  • Her second fragrance, Meow!, was released shortly afterwards -> not really encyclopedic
  • On December 14, 2011, Forbes ranked her #3 on their "Top-Earning Women In Music" 2011 with $44 million.[59] Also that December, she was elected the Artist of the Year by MTV -> I think the Forbes is enough. 'Forbes ranked Perry [...]
  • That month, later that month.
  • The California Dreams Tour also concluded on January 22, 2012. -> Why also? Random fact
  • In March, Billboard ranked Perry number fourteen on their 2011 list of top 40 earners, grossing nearly $12 million. -> We just said Forbes ranked er 2011 earnings at 44 mil?
  • This last paragraph is very repetitive. Needs to be tnt'ed
  • On March 23, Teenage Dream was re-released under the title Teenage Dream: The Complete Confection. "Wide Awake" was released on May 22 as the second and final single from The Complete Confection, peaking at number two on the Hot 100 -> extra/repetitive. Released, released. You introduced the re-release twice
  • positive critical reviews -> not proper
  • She also made 2013 Guinness Book of World Records as the first female to earn five Billboard number-one singles from an album -> sounds familiar..
  • Again. Very repetitious with dates, amounts, facts etc.

Prism

  • Perry told Billboard in Fall 2012 about Prism: -> In fall 2012, Perry [...]
  • she began work on the album in November 2012 and finished in July 2013. -> revise
  • Killer Queen was released as her third fragrance in August 2013 through Coty, Inc.[80] "Roar" was released as the lead single from Prism on August 10, 2013 -> repetitive/tiresome read
  • It debuted a week before the album was released on August 20, 2013. -> It debuted? Where? Choppy. Repetitive grammar
  • She closed the 2013 MTV Video Music Awards with her first live performance of "Roar" on August 25, 2013 under the Brooklyn Bridge. -> revise
  • Although Perry told L'Uomo Vogue in June 2012 that she planned to have "darker elements" in Prism,[84] she revealed to MTV during the 2013 MTV Video Music Awards that she changed the concept of the album after she "let the light in" through self-reflection and self-help. She said "I felt very prismatic because of that" and stated that "it's almost like I get to beam the colors that I've experienced out from me", which inspired her to name the album Prism. -> run-on/revise
  • On September 4, 2013, Billboard announced that "Roar" reached number one on the Billboard Hot 100. -> .....
  • where she also performed "Roar". -> why also? First song you listed. Better 'She performed 'Roar'
 Done XXSNUGGUMSXX (talk) 20:00, 31 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Unconditionally" was released as the album's second single on October 16, 2013.[88] The next day, Prism became available for streaming online. -> revise
  • Prism was released on October 18, 2013. In the United States, it debuted at number one on the Billboard 200 chart, selling 286,000 copies in its first week -> The writing can be worlds better
  • On October 22, Perry performed Prism tracks for the first time at the iHeartRadio Theater in Los Angeles. -> not really true. Revise. Maybe 'Perry debuted'
  • The repetitive sentence structure (dates/On[..], she)
  • "Dark Horse" was released as the album's third single on December 17.[93] In early January 2014, Perry became a guest curator of Madonna's secretprojectrevolution.[94] On January 29, 2014, "Dark Horse" became her ninth number-one single. -> weak flow
  • Consider heavy copy-edit

Artistry

Influences

  • Having grown up listening primarily to gospel music, Perry's first album Katy Hudson focuses on Christian themes. -> shift in tenses. Could be much better
  • She aspired to be like Amy Grant though "it didn't pan out that way." -> choppy/random/weak
  • Perry names Queen among her influences. -> weak
  • she was introduced to their song "Killer Queen" by a friend at age 15 and describes it as being the track that made her discover music and want to pursue it as a career. -> made her discover music? Problematic. Also, punctuation needs tightening
  • She elaborated, saying "I thought to myself, -> She elaborated, "
  • She is particularly influenced by the band's frontman -> Ex. Perry cited
  • and describes him as her biggest influence musically. She commented "Freddie Mercury was — and remains — my biggest influence. -> redundant
  • She named her third fragrance Killer Queen after the song in homage. -> She payed hmage [...]
  • She describes the Beach Boys and their album Pet Sounds as having a considerable influence on her music. -> Iffy
  • She stated that the album is "one of my favorite records and it influenced pretty much all of my songwriting. All of the melody choices that I make are because of Pet Sounds. -> This section needs stronger connectors.
  • Perry is inspired by Alanis Morissette, in particular her 1995 album Jagged Little Pill — even going on to work with Morissette's collaborator on the album, Glen Ballard, because of that. -> poor
  • She lists Morissette and Fiona Apple as her heroes. -> weak
  • After moving to Nashville to work on her first album Katy Hudson, she discovered the music of Patty Griffin and Jonatha Brooke and lists their albums Flaming Red and 10 Cent Wings, respectively, as being important to her -> revise
  • I think it'd be more appropriate to have Morisette's photo than Madonna. Madonna is more musical admiration than influence
  • Madonna (left) and Freddie Mercury (right) both significantly influenced Perry and her music -> She never credited Madonna with influencing her music. Again, more of an admiration
  • Influence, influenced influence
  • Perry's third album, Teenage Dream, was significantly influenced by the music of ABBA and the Cardigans. She names Robyn as an influence on her fourth record, Prism, and went on to work with Klas Åhlund on the album as a result of his work with Robyn -> revise.--PeterGriffin • Talk2Me 19:54, 30 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Musical style

  • I think it would be best to start off "During the early stages of her career, Perry's music gravitated towards gospel etc. later traversing towards and including" etc
  • and features themes of heartbreak and teenage adventure -> lyrical themes
  • themes, themes
  • features, features. Switch it up. 'Incorporates', 'includes', etc
  • The album's topics focus on -> kind of iffy
  • Overall, so far this section reads a bit list like. Her first album, her second. Try and make it more interesting
  • Swedish dance and pop music -> not saying you're wrong, but from the 5-6ish songs off the album I heard.... I don't see the Swedish dance?
  • The album also includes themes of relationships, self-reflection, and living in the present. -> repetitive. Rmv 'also'. themes again
  • You've listed 'self-empowerment' several times already
  • many of her 'hits' -> a bit NPOV
  • reveals "in confident, just-vague-enough terms snapshots of Perry's emotional life." -> Either misquoted a bit or it just doesn't fit so well
  • Lol 'THE' Kristen Wiig?
  • Perry has been reported as writing with wit and frequently using humor in her songwriting. Her songs have been described as "shot through with a razor-sharp wit" and that "it's easy to get lost ricocheting amongst all of the puns and double entendres. -> revise. Also, this is written improperly considering this is only one critics opinion
  • She has been noted for her "slightly satiric Perry humor"[121] and she describes some of her music as "tongue-in-cheek" -> kind of vague. repetitive
  • Some critics have expressed that this could hinder her task of being viewed as a serious songwriter, with Greg Kot of Chicago Tribune commenting that "being taken seriously may be Perry's greatest challenge yet. -> revise
  • Ann from LA Times said. 'Labeled' used above is great. 'Said' needs fixing
  • er lyric writing and display of her personality through her music has been praised. Craig Marks of Billboard stated that her "ingenious pop hooks and zillion-dollar drum tracks are stamped with Perry's knack for a memorable line and frothy, gum-snapping persona" -> That's really a stretch mate. Not what's said in the quote.
  • Her use of idioms and metaphors in her lyrics has been criticized – with some critics pointing out the frequent use of "clichés" in her lyrics. -> You've gone on and on about everything else. I'm sure you can find a bit more on this (maybe excerpts/criticism of "Roar"?)
  • Aside from writing her own music, -> redundant
  • Perry has. Perry's vocals
  • have been reviewed as both strong and weak on different occasions -> Perry's vocals have received both praise and criticism
  • Link staccato
  • as "processed staccato blips" in a review of Teenage Dream -> Doesn't fit well. Maybe her vocals 'on' TD
  • Her voice has been compared to Alanis Morissette's, with one review of One of the Boys stating that both artists share a "perky voice shifting octaves mid-syllable". Tom Cruise of OHM likened Perry's vocals on OOFB to Alanis etc.

Public image

  • Perry is noted for being a sex symbol. -> perhaps a more structured and encyclopedic sentence/introduction to the section?
  • FHM Australia named her the "sexiest woman of 2011" -> I think this one's a bit over-kill
  • She is noted for her unconventional style of dress. -> Same here. Try and merge with next sentence. Maybe "Noted for her unconventional style of dress, Perry's choice of fashion often includes humorous etc.
  • Back to the previous section. May I suggest removing the photo to make easy room/navigation for the blockquote (as the photo in this section really serves no purpose?)
  • Vogue described her as "never exactly one to shy away from the outrageous or the extreme in any realm, be it the red carpet or her daily wardrobe",[145] while -> a bit lengthy
  • In early February 2009, she described her fashion style as "a bit of a concoction of different things" and stated "I love a good sense of humor in clothes" -> a bit heavy here on the quotes. Try paraphrasing. Not necessarily this one, but this section is quite heavy on them
  • Speaking on her "ability to slip from party girl to polish", as described by Harper's Bazaar, -> awkwardly phrased
  • Perry expressed that she feels she has "learned how to tame that social media dragon", -> this should be cut. The next part should be hooked on with Forbes

Philanthropy

  • I get that's the name, but 2008 Warped Tour seems more appropriate
  • she performed her song "Firework" with an autistic fan named at Comedy Central's -> named at?
  • In early December 2012, Perry was awarded the Trevor Hero Award by The Trevor Project for her work and activism for LGBT youth.[161] -> To avoid repetition, try and hook on with "and was later awarded"
  • In early April 2013, Perry worked with UNICEF and traveled to Madagascar to assist children with education and nutrition. -> switch it up. "Perry joined UNICEF"
  • Every following sentence begins with the date. Try and switch it up/make it more interesting/read less like a list

Personal

  • She told Toronto Star in early December 2013 "My God has changed over the years. Absolutely. I believe there's this 'bigger than me' thing that's looking after me. I don't believe in like God as a really old guy with a beard on a gold throne" and that "I don't believe in heaven or hell as a destination. In fact, the terms of what I believe are still up for debate because I'm still on a journey and I don't even know if I'm going to get to my destination". -> a bit much
  • I don't think it was necessary to remove the entire religious beliefs section; it's a big part of her personal life and just needed some cleaning up in my opinion. Not sure what anyone else thinks. S△M talk 15:45, 3 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • It was certainly big in defining her early life and career, but now doesn't play nearly as much of a role as it used to regardless of what her beliefs are these days. It took some thought before arriving at this conclusion, but in the end there was no hope for it. Not even a TNT could've helped. XXSNUGGUMSXX (talk) 16:36, 3 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • I suspect there are readers that are interested in knowing her current beliefs though, especially given her strictly religious upbringing. Plus it's something that's often mentioned in biographic articles' "Personal life" section. I could try messing around with it in Sandbox and see if I can clean it up a little. S△M talk 16:54, 3 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • Hmm..... there is that, but I doubt much could be done beyond simply incorporate in different bits if the article the increased spiritual senses she has gained (i.e. Eckhart influencing Prism). Since there's not really a good way to phrase it all at the moment, should probably leave out. Yes, it is often mentioned in such sections, though I'm also thinking of at some point removing "Personal life" section altogether and just incorporate relationships as they occurred within "Life and career" section (see Michael Jackson or Charlie Chaplin articles—both of which are FA—for examples of what I mean, or other articles like Madonna (entertainer) or Christina Aguilera) and have politics as its own section. XXSNUGGUMSXX (talk) 17:10, 3 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • That's fine. I do agree; her religious/spiritual beliefs do seem to be a bit hazy at this point, she's not spoken about them enough recently for us to have a complete awareness. Perhaps if she goes into detail in future interviews, the section could be rebuilt (that's if the "Personal life" section still exists and hasn't been merged into the "Life and career" section as you said). Merging the section sounds like a fine idea to me. Perhaps the philanthropy and politics sections could be merged under a separate section titled "Other ventures" (similar to the Beyoncé or Christina Aguilera articles) in future. S△M talk 19:36, 3 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • I don't think Marie Claire announced
  • Try using terms like "romantically-linked" etc.
  • relationship ending, relationship ended.
  • that she voted no on Proposition 8 -> against
  • people's attitudes towards LGBT people -> tightening
  • She has also mentioned her support of -> She has cited her support of

Comments from Shane Cyrus

[edit]
  • Reveal (Nat Mags) is a gossip site and unreliable source.
  • Ref#75 is clearly a blog and unreliable.
Wikipedia doesn't accept blogs whether or not their authors worked at a reliable company earlier.--Shane Cyrus (talk) 15:17, 23 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Well, unfortunately for you, I'd estimate 90% of well-researched GA music-related articles use it (nor will its usage stop me from promoting this article).--PeterGriffin • Talk2Me 15:37, 23 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • All the refs of Entertainment Weekly are unreliable.
It is a tabloid equivalent to Entertainment Wise which are both unreliabe--Shane Cyrus (talk) 15:17, 23 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Maybe since they both have the word "entertainment" you're being a bit thrown off. Trust me. They are very different...--PeterGriffin • Talk2Me 15:37, 23 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • Ref #20 doesn't have any link.
You will however need to provide page #s/isbn #s. It's definitely incomplete.--PeterGriffin • Talk2Me 06:49, 24 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • Youtube interviews of Katy aren't written by her and can't list her as the author.
  • Ref #19:Toonage is unreliable.
  • You should list John Mayer in associated acts.
  • REF #44 has no link at all.
  1. Replace HitFix & The Hollywood Reporter--Shane Cyrus (talk) 05:30, 29 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]
No, Hitfix is not considered reliable.
@Shane Cyrus: If you're going to complain about a source (which has never brought up any issue), you might as well open a discussion at WP:RSN or give the reviewer good reasons to remove it. prism△ 17:14, 3 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I know you won't need but I am always available for help. These are my only concerns, I have no problem with the article getting promoted. I only rose them so that none else can use them in a reassessment. Best of Luck with everything!!!--Shane Cyrus (talk) 05:09, 24 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Vic

[edit]
Comment on references
  • Per WP:SOURCES, second dot, if the writer of the work is an expert in the field, the source can be considered as reliable. Paul Grein, who worked in Billboard for quite some time, can be considered as such. To the nominators, Yahoo! Music should be credited as the publisher.
  • In addition to YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, etc. I've noticed that the article features refs like Epinions (a consumer guide), and iTunes and Amazon (music retailers). These should also be removed because they fall under WP:NOTRELIABLE, which says that they "lack meaningful editorial oversight" and "rely heavily on personal opinion". There are other "suspicious" websites like Ticketek, TradeMe, Tickets For Charity, and Contactmusic.com, but since this is not a FA nomination, I won't make an issue of it.--Вик Ретлхед (talk) 16:58, 24 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • There's absolutely nothing wrong with using iTunes or Amazon as references for release dates in different countries etc. As for Contactmusic.com, I don't really have an issue. The cheesy Ticketmaster sites need to go though.--PeterGriffin • Talk2Me 22:06, 24 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Obviously my miscalculation, as I was watching only the references section. I thought that user comments were being obtained from Amazon and iTunes, but as long as it's for release dates, that wouldn't be a problem. As for Contactmusic, I see that ref 170 is credited to Dom Harrison, but the entrance only shows WENN as the author. But nevermind, the home page of that website looks like a media with high standard.--Вик Ретлхед (talk) 07:51, 25 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Comments on introduction
  • "She was born and raised primarily near Santa Barbara, California." Hmm, this needs to be re-worded somehow; she can be born at one exact place.
  • "The album is predominantly pop rock." Why is this so important to be placed in the lead? Has she started making music in a completely different genre?
  • Can you make a distinction between her film career and the accolades referring to her music career? The third paragraph seems not quite organised. First you talk about the awards she has received, then about the film roles she had played, and to finish with her marriage and worldwide sales.
  • There is no need for references in the lead. Since it's a summary if the entire article, you should mention these information in the article's body as well.
What I meant is, that it would be better if the information regarding album sales, popularity, awards, is explained in the article's body as well. You can place the citations in those places (wherever you chose to incorporate these sentences.)--Вик Ретлхед (talk) 10:01, 26 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]

The lead looks better now. If you have removed all of the references pointed above, then the second criteria can be considered as fullfiled.--Вик Ретлхед (talk) 07:50, 27 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Other stuff
  • The books in "Further reading" need proper formatting (ISSN number, link the publisher, etc.)

I'm not sure if ISBN-10 or ISBN-13 should be used, so I'll leave it up to someone else. S△M talk 18:07, 29 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]

  • The most important things at good or featured articles is that the prose needs to be as clearest as possible. The awards section reads verbose at some places. Hope Peter will successfully detect the rest of these weak areas.
  • "Perry has received many awards and nominations for her work from albums One of the Boys, Teenage Dream, and Prism." Why don't you just say "Perry has received many awards and nominations for her studio albums"?

Way more than 7 days have passed but all issues haven't been addressed.--Shane Cyrus (talk) 04:24, 3 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]

First of all, Shane, the review isn't complete yet as Peter hasn't yet pointed out all that needs addressing. Second, it is his call as to whether this nomination passes since he started the review, not yours. XXSNUGGUMSXX (talk) 05:52, 3 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Anyone is free to suggest failure, ok! Do not underestimate me. But an article may not be on hold more than 7 days per WP:GAG--Shane Cyrus (talk) 06:13, 3 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
It is true that others can suggest failure, but so far review has not been placed on hold. A review is placed on hold after reviewer has pointed out all concerns. Once Peter has given all the comments on what to address, then would be the time to place on hold. Wait until Petergriffin9901 has given all the comments on what should be addressed. XXSNUGGUMSXX (talk) 06:18, 3 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
WP:GAG doesn't say any of that; WP:GAN/I, however, states: Note that the standard holding time is seven days; however, reviewers can shorten/extend the time limit if they wish.. Don't get your panties in a bunch, no one is underestimating you. You're overestimating the power you have over a GAN that you do not control. prism△ 20:12, 3 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
This page is a GAN, though, not GAR :P XXSNUGGUMSXX (talk) 20:24, 3 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Oops, typo... :P prism△ 20:27, 3 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Good work guys. I'm going to continue my copy-edit throughout the day. Should pass very soon :) PS. Please ignore this buffoon. He has nothing better to do than troll.--PeterGriffin • Talk2Me 20:28, 3 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
FUCK YES, AT LONG LAST! :'D XXSNUGGUMSXX (talk) 20:31, 3 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Yey! I'm currently looking at the prose of the article to see if there's anything else I can do. prism△ 21:36, 3 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Simon

[edit]

I just wonder that although Perry is very successful in the music market, yet there is not "Legacy" section in the article? That's kinda odd. — Simon (talk) 07:15, 3 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I've been giving this thought myself, HĐ. It seems that "legacy" sections tend to also include examples of influence, i.e. how she inspires other artists. I know Ariana Grande and Selena Gomez for example take influence from her, but am not sure if there's enough material yet to write such a section. XXSNUGGUMSXX (talk) 10:22, 3 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Such a paragraph, when added, will surely threaten the article's stability.--Shane Cyrus (talk) 14:13, 3 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
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