Talk:Kalākaua/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Iazyges (talk · contribs) 21:21, 20 August 2018 (UTC)[reply]

GA Criteria

GA Criteria:

Please note that all of these are suggestions, and can be implemented or ignored at your discretion.

Please hold as a copyedit is done. Thank you. Will be done fairly soon.KAVEBEAR (talk) 14:04, 22 August 2018 (UTC)[reply]

@Iazyges: you can proceed with the review. Thank you. KAVEBEAR (talk) 22:01, 22 August 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Two of Kalākaua's accomplishments, the statue of Kamehameha and the rebuilding of ʻIolani Palace, were expensive endeavors but are today popular tourist attractions. suggest changing accomplishments to projects.

in the grass hut compound, belonging to his maternal grandfather ʻAikanaka, at the base of Punchbowl Crater in Honolulu on the island of Oʻahu. suggest:
in the grass hut compound at the base of Punchbowl Crater in Honolulu on the island of Oʻahu, which belonged to his maternal grandfather ʻAikanaka.
Following his formal schooling, he studied law under Charles Coffin Harris. Kalākaua appointed Harris as Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of Hawaii in 1877 suggest:
Following his formal schooling, he studied law under Charles Coffin Harris, who he would later appoint as Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of Hawaii in 1877.

His various government positions, however, prevented him from fully completing his legal training. suggest:
His legal studies under Charles Coffin Harris were cut short by his various government positions.
However, the contest was centered on the two high-ranking male aliʻi, or chiefs: suggest:
However, the contest was centered on the two high-ranking male aliʻi (chiefs):
including leadership involvement with a political organization known as the Young Hawaiians suggest:
including leading a political organization known as the Young Hawaiians
Bishop chose not to run. suggest:
Bishop, despite having been a candidate in the previous election, chose not to run.
British Commissioner James Hay Wodehouse put the British and American forces docked at Honolulu on the alert to possible violence. was this an official military "to arms" style alert, where he told/asked the leading American officer to prepare for a fight if needed, or did he simply raise awareness?
and the hastiness of the affair would prompt him to hold a coronation ceremony in 1883 suggest adding second before coronation.

The exportation of sugar during that time period went from 24,566,611 pounds to 330,822,879 pounds. this seems to be the weight pounds, so I suggest you add change the bare numbers to "24,566,611 pounds (11,143,227 kg) to 330,822,879 pounds (150,058,734 kg)".
His homecoming celebration went on for days. suggest:
Upon his return a state celebration was held, which lasted for several days.
Kalākaua and Kapiolani had been denied a coronation ceremony in 1874, due to the civil unrest that happened after the election the previous mention of this seemed to say that they chose to not to do it for political reasons, rather than physically being unable to do it, suggest changing had been denied a coronation ceremony to had skipped a formal coronation ceremony or something to that effect.

It is a language choice here. The situation denied them of the chance of a traditional coronation.KAVEBEAR (talk) 07:47, 27 August 2018 (UTC)[reply]

He stated that King Kalākaua appointed cabinet members not for their ability to do the job, but for their ability to bend to his will seems a bit of an odd way to say this, so unless its a direct quote (in which case I'd suggest you put it in quotes); else I'd suggest you change ability to bend to his will to loyalty.
@KAVEBEAR: That is all my suggestions, passing now. Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 03:33, 24 August 2018 (UTC)[reply]