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Talk:John of Brittany, Earl of Richmond/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: Parrot of Doom 13:08, 28 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewing... Parrot of Doom 13:08, 28 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

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I made a few copyedits (throughout the article, but nothing major), and split the lead into two. One piece of advice - there are no requirements for citations in a lead section, so long as the text in that lead summarises something that is cited in the article body. Its your call but I never bother with them, they just interrupt the flow up there.

  • "John was never married, and upon his death his title and estates fell to his nephew, John III, Duke of Brittany. John of Brittany was not an accomplished soldier" - second sentence - is this the subject of the article, or his nephew?
  • I restructured the whole paragraph.
Family background and early life
  • "John was the second surviving son of John II, Duke of Brittany, and his wife Beatrice, who was the daughter of Henry III of England" - is it known how many brothers or sisters he had, dead or alive?
  • It's always tricky to know the exact number of children, since those who died in infancy were probably not recorded. But there were three sons and three daughters who lived to adulthood; I've added this.
  • Was he raised at the court with Henry? Or was Henry there at the same time? Its an important distinction.
  • The royal court was a pretty small and intimate place, and the son of an earl would certainly be raised with the king's son. I've tried to make this more clear.
Service to Edward II
  • "he went on an embassy to Pope Clement V" - was an embassy, or went on an embassy? I'm unfamiliar with the nomenclature here.
  • An embassy is here defined as a diplomatic mission.
  • "By 1310 however, the political situation had deteriorated to the point where a committee of magnates took control over government from the king" - what/whose political situation?
  • I've tried to clarify this.
  • "In 1320 he again accompanied the king to France, and the next years he carried out peace negotiations with the Scots." - year or years?
  • Just a silly typo, it should be year.
Summary

It all looks good to me. Barring the fairly minor issues above, this is easily a GA. I know there are some copyright complexities regarding flags, heraldry and the like, but I'm not qualified to comment on the infobox image. I'll place the review on hold pending replies. Parrot of Doom 13:52, 28 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your review. Hope you're happy with the changes, otherwise let me know! Lampman (talk) 17:56, 29 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Good stuff, this is easily a GA, well done :) Parrot of Doom 23:25, 29 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]
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