Talk:Joe Diffie/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Aaron north (T/C) 04:44, 1 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I have finished my review of this article, and made a lot of little copyedits and fixes to improve the prose. After these fixes, I think the prose is pretty good with just a few minor issues. I do recognize that it can be difficult to write about a long list of songs without being repetitive and boring, and this article is able to mix the language up pretty well to keep the reader going. I almost always find some words to watch WP:WTW to point out, but they were absent in this one (or I failed to find it if one exists). I usually find that neutrality is a problem with articles on artists written like fanpages. Not here, this is definitely NPOV. Aaron north (T/C) 06:54, 1 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

At this point the article is very close to good. I don't know if I would be able to pass it if I had to make a decision right now, but it should be trivially easy to fix the issues. I will place this article on hold for up to a week to give the editors time to work on the article. Aaron north (T/C) 06:54, 1 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Looks good now. Aaron north (T/C) 00:00, 2 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for criteria)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

Comments

I went ahead and moved any commas that were placed within a quote, outside the quote. In this case, Wikipedia uses the UK-based logical punctuation regardless of the form of english used for the article (American English here). In other words, if the quote didn't have the comma, dont put the comma in the quote. WP:COMMA Example: "William Ruhlmann called the album "sturdy formula country," and ..." was corrected to "William Ruhlmann called the album "sturdy formula country", and ...". As you'll see later, I'm also not a fan of excessive commas. Aaron north (T/C) 06:54, 1 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

The following is a list of concerns that I believe need to be satisfied to pass review. If you disagree or believe I made an error, please point that out too. Aaron north (T/C) 06:54, 1 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

This sentence: (His family moved to San Antonio, Texas while he was in the first grade, and subsequently to Washington state where he attended fourth and fifth grades, then to Wisconsin for the years he was in sixth grade through his second year of high school, and back to Oklahoma where he attended high school in the town of Velma.) is rather massive with 4 commas. I would probably break it up into two sentences.
In this: (After the foundry closed, he declared bankruptcy, sold the studio out of financial necessity, and was divorced from his wife, who left with their two children.) So many commas, so few words. Some pauses are obviously necessary, but I think it can probably be reworded without 4 commas. Alternatively, I might split off the divorce to explain the reasons for the divorce. (I assume it was financial, so describe the financial ruin, full stop, his marriage fell apart because of said financial ruin and/or other reasons not currently in the article)
In this: (Diffie spent several months in a state of depression before deciding to move to Nashville, Tennessee for a change of surroundings.) "change of surroundings" is a bit informal for an encyclopedia. (I also find it hard to believe, he just happened to go to Nashville of all places for merely a "change of surroundings"? Do the sources say he wanted to pursue a country music career?)
In this: (The album produced only two singles: the title track at number ten country and 66 pop, and "This Pretender" (co-written by Rascal Flatts lead singer Gary LeVox), which failed to make the country music Top 40.)) what is "county" and "pop". I assume they are charts?
In this: (Diffie worked for a time in oil fields, then he drove a truck that pumped cement out of oil wells in Alice, Texas, before he moved back to Duncan to work in a foundry.) what is "for a time"? Seems vague and informal.

All edited accordingly. I split up some sentences and removed the terms. Another editor did some copy-editing here and I guess I never double checked it. Ten Pound Hammer, his otters and a clue-bat • ^{(Otters want attention)} 16:50, 1 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

The following is a list of other thoughts or suggestions to improve the article. It is not necessary to satisfy these points to meet the GA criteria. Aaron north (T/C) 06:54, 1 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Aside from quotations and controversial claims, it is not necessary at all to cite the same source over and over again after each sentence in a paragraph. For example, if one source covers four consecutive sentences, you can usually just put it after that 4th consecutive sentence in the paragraph which uses that source. (You probably still need to re-cite if needed for non-consecutive sentences or for the next paragraph) Having a cite after every single sentence when it is not necessary gets to be a bit distracting. (when a reference runs to footnote #r, that could be a sign that the cites can be consolidated!) This is merely a comment on possible excessive cites. Like the other notes in this section, this comment has no impact on the outcome of a GA review if you really want to cite every sentence.
You have two dead links, (http://www.cmt.com/artists/news/1495181/20041227/diffie_joe.jhtml) and (http://www.cmt.com/artists/news/1476778/20030813/diffie_joe.jhtml).

Toned down the excessive citations and replaced the dead links. Ten Pound Hammer, his otters and a clue-bat • ^{(Otters want attention)} 16:50, 1 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.