Talk:Joan Long

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Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment

This article is or was the subject of a Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment. Further details are available on the course page. Student editor(s): KS531. Peer reviewers: DanikaHN, Afayet.

Above undated message substituted from Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org assignment by PrimeBOT (talk) 23:25, 17 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

review

First off, I'd like to say that I admire that your article contains a lot of great details and includes many hyper-links. Also, your sections seem to be well divided and organized (e.g.: putting the "Personal Life" section after the "Career" section).

However, for your "Career" section, it may be interesting to include some information on Long's script work before Caddie (if this information is available) to demonstrate how she attained that successful point in her writing career. Maybe start by seeing if you have any information on her career between 1952 (when she directed her short documentary series) and 1975 (when she wrote Caddie). Also, do you have the name of the short documentary series she directed? If so, it may be good to include it and create a hyper-link if possible.

In your section titled, "Early Life", perhaps the first time you mention the Australian National Film Board, you can add "later known as the Commonwealth Film Unit" to avoid having to repeat the Australian National Film Board at the end of the paragraph.

In your section titled "1975-77: Caddie and the Picture Show Man", instead of saying, "The film was a great success and won 3 feature awards [...]", it may be best to word it as, "The film was a great success, winning 3 feature awards [...]." this is only a small detail but will help keep your article as objective as possible.

When describing the synopsis for the film Caddie, perhaps instead of stating that it is a "[...] critique of the male-dominated society and its scrutiny on women [...]" you could either specify which critic(s) made this statement in your article and quote them or you could reword it by saying that Caddie "explores themes of a male-dominated society [...]." or "deals with the issues within a male-dominated society [...]." to avoid any bias.

All in all, you seem to have done some extensive research and this makes for a very interesting article. I really love the details you included in your "Personal life" section. I hope my review is helpful to you. Keep up the great work!

DanikaHN (talk) 02:31, 16 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Good work here! A couple of grammar suggestions: "She eventually started her direction debut in 1952 with a series of short documentaries and, in the process, became the second women, after Catherine Duncan, to take on this role in the Commonwealth Film Unit, previously known as the Australian National Film Board." Does this sentence mean that the "role" is that of a director? Meaning she was the second woman in the Australian National Film Board to direct? Also, do you know the names of the documentaries? If so, add them in here.

"Joan Long wrote the screenplay for Caddie (1976), which was based" Just add the comma before which!

"...she continued to follow her interest on the film industry." Perhaps her interest of the film industry?

"She started working on a script revolving around the adventure of a picture showman who traveled across the countryside to bring motion pictures to those who could not access them." Unless the film is told in the past tense, change this description to present tense. "...a picture showman who travels across the countryside...to those who cannot access them."

"Long tried to bring one of Turkiewicz's other script," script should be plural.

"they get green-lit", the tense changes here, should be "they got green-lit".

Other than that, the actual content of the article is well organized and clearly communicated. All I suggest is finding out more information, if possible, about Long's smaller projects that are mentioned but not elaborated on! Afayet (talk) 23:18, 16 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]