Talk:Jersey Act/GA1

GA Review

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Lead:

"It traced to the desire" - "traced" seems a little awkward. Can this be rephrased? "Traced back" sounds better to me.

How about "It began with the desire..." Ealdgyth - Talk 00:26, 11 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

"in the early years of the 1900s" - could this be shortened to "in the early 1900s"?

Done. Ealdgyth - Talk 00:26, 11 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

"purebred Thoroughbreds" - this sounds redundant to me, but you know the subject much better than I do.

Thoroughbreds are a breed, so purebred thoroughbreds is perfectly acceptable. Ealdgyth - Talk 00:26, 11 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Background:

"However, it required that any horse registered in the General Stud Book, the stud book for the UK's Thoroughbred breed," - the bolded part has already been said earlier in the section.

Removed. I did a major reorganization of the article and this paragraph had been much earlier in the article before the reorg. Ealdgyth - Talk 00:26, 11 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Effects:

"Among the American-bred bloodlines excluded by the act were any that traced to Hanover." - can more be said about this? The train of thought seems to end abruptly.

I just removed it. It actually was redundant, since Hanover traced to Lexington. Safer to discuss Lexington, as he's the biggie that caused problems. The Hanover bit traced from very early in the start of the article. Ealdgyth - Talk 00:26, 11 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

References and images:

no problems

Stability and neutrality:

no problems

Depth of coverage:

no problems

Overall, this is a nice, fairly short article that describes the subject well and gives a good idea of how both sides felt about the act. There are a few questions I had about the writing, which I have listed above, but I don't have any major concerns with the article. I will leave the nomination on hold for my concerns to be addressed or discussed. I've got this page on my watchlist, so you can contact me here. Best wishes, and I hope you have found this helpful. GaryColemanFan (talk) 23:00, 10 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I think I got them all. Let me know if there is anything else. Ealdgyth - Talk 00:26, 11 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Looks good. I have promoted the article. GaryColemanFan (talk) 00:39, 11 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]