Talk:James Henry Carpenter

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Referencing and citation: criterion met Coverage and accuracy: criterion met Structure: criterion met Grammar and style: criterion met Supporting materials: criterion met

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This article was copy edited by Stfg, a member of the Guild of Copy Editors, on 9 June 2013.Guild of Copy EditorsWikipedia:WikiProject Guild of Copy EditorsTemplate:WikiProject Guild of Copy EditorsGuild of Copy Editors articles

GOCE edit request - Completed

Thanks to Peacemaker67 for his review & references added where needed. Article is close to a B rating with the exception of a promotional or resume feel making it less encyclopdic. I have put out a GOCE copy edit request to help fix this feel. Jrcrin001 (talk) 16:22, 1 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I've proposed to decline this request and send it to Cleanup as this article has more problems than a straight copy-edit could reasonably fix. Cheers, Baffle gab1978 (talk) 15:10, 8 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Baffle gab1978 may be right, but I'll have a go at it and see how far I can get. I'll start tomorrow. --Stfg (talk) 18:01, 8 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Done. --Stfg (talk) 17:17, 9 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

A BIG THANK YOU to Stfg for cutting away the trivial and refocusing on what was needed. Thank you again! Jrcrin001 (talk) 01:09, 10 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Neutrality

I was asked to review this article in order to eliminate the banner. I agree with its description, that the article is written like a "resume". I will conduct a few (but significant) examples that are problematic:

The two last paragraphs of the Intro section are written as if it came from a person who knows the person/company or anything that is affiliated with them. First, you need to find stronger sources and reduce primary sources. Here you have at least one secondary source, but that is, in my opinion, not enough. For example, "Unlike other companies of its time" sounds like promotion. If that claim is really true, you first need to state some companies. Then you wrote "This was rare for the time", but you noted that other companies did not do certain activities. Additionally, in "Unlike other companies of its time", I would have expected the name of a company, not Carpenter. Then I am unsure which company you are referring to. "Carpenter died young, deeply in debt and left a wife and young children" does not belong to the intro.
I have not fully read the article, but other sections are clearly better than that section. While you will start improving that section first, you need to imagine you were a person who does not know anything about James Henry Carpenter, because currently some parts are written as if everyone would know the person.
"Death & remembrance" should be just "Death and rememberance"
I suggest you read the article very carefully, because a copyedit would not help much at the momemnt. Regards.--Tomcat (7) 10:50, 17 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Further work done and the Intro section removed. Info redone. Any other suggestions? I always appreciate the feedback.

Primary cites are number 5 then 1 & 6 regarding JHC and Carpenter Steel. Secondary sources for the same are 2, 10, 15, 16, 17 & 20.

Jrcrin001 (talk) 17:58, 3 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

See GOCE section for Stfg effort and re-write. Jrcrin001 (talk) 01:09, 10 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

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