Talk:James A. Ryder/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Dweller (talk · contribs) 10:36, 2 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I'm going to start reviewing this article, slowly. Please bear with me. My comments will be numbered to aid responses. Happy new year to all. --Dweller (talk) Become old fashioned! 10:36, 2 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@Dweller: Thank you. I appreciate your undertaking the review. Ergo Sum 16:11, 3 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]

"Society of Jesus" I know that means Jesuits but because the first mention of it is piped from Jesuit, the second mention is unexplained and unwikilinked, so a reader without knowledge won't understand it
Linked Society of Jesus. Ergo Sum 16:07, 3 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"as well as the formal incorporation by Congress" no idea what that means. Which Congress? The observatory had a Conggress? The university had a Congress? The United States Congress? And what are the unspecified Congress incorporating and what are they incorporating that thing into?
Clarified. Ergo Sum 16:08, 3 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]
According to the wikilink, the diocese of Boston is a geographical construct, so was the college physically moved? If so, it's weird for it to be moved to a relgious body, rather than a place
Dioceses are legal corporations just like General Motors, so they own property and have employees, etc. So from the perspective of the civil law, they have no geographic boundaries. However, from the perspective of canon law, they have very carefully defined geographic boundaries that they operate within. Ergo Sum 16:10, 3 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Early life
tbc --Dweller (talk) Become old fashioned! 12:44, 2 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@Dweller: Have you had an opportunity to give the article another look? Ergo Sum 02:11, 10 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Comments - Ergo Sum, I agreed with Dweller that I'd take this on while he's busy. So, the usual pedantry:

"... by Peter Kenney to ..." who he? contextualise.
- Done. The sentence is no a little wordy, so let you know if you think it should be split into two. Ergo Sum 02:34, 27 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"They set sail on June 6, 1820 from" comma after 1820.
- Done. Ergo Sum 02:37, 27 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"and George Fenwick" who? not notable? why mention?
- I haven't researched him, but I suspect I'll end up making an article for him eventually. He was pretty prominent in those days. Ergo Sum 02:43, 27 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Our Philodemic Society article says it was "formed" on September 25, 1830, no mention of the date you give in this article.
- Done. Ergo Sum 02:47, 27 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"which eventually resulted in Ryder receiving a severe lecture" why?
- Added detail. Ergo Sum 02:50, 27 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]
" In an 1835 speech ..." sentence doesn't parse for me, maybe "warning" should be "he warned"?
- A badly written sentence on my part. I've cleaned it up. Ergo Sum 02:52, 27 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"in giving talks and retreats than" taking retreats?
- I've clarified the sentence. Ergo Sum 02:53, 27 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]
" with President John Tyler, who" those of us with limited knowledge of US president history might benefit from knowing he was POTUS, not just a president of some other institution...
- Touché. Ergo Sum 02:54, 27 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"a significant debt of $20,000" could you "inflate" to demonstrate just how "significant" a sum that was?
- Done. Ergo Sum 03:03, 27 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Not sure stoning is right here, that describes it as capital punishment. I think no link is really needed, it's simple enough to understand.
- I agree. Ergo Sum 03:07, 27 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"on April 26, 1844 as" comma after 1844.
- Done. Ergo Sum 03:10, 27 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]
" Know-Nothing movement" any reason this is hyphenated?
- Removed the hyphen. Ergo Sum 03:11, 27 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"in Worcester, Massachusetts in" comma after Mass.
- Done. Ergo Sum 03:19, 27 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"the new (pictured) Holy Trinity Church in" odd placement of (pictured).
- Removed. Ergo Sum 03:19, 27 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Not convinced that a common term like "smoking" needs to be linked.'
- In common conversation, no. But I wonder what other instances than ones like these would link to that article. Ergo Sum 03:20, 27 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"A rebellion broke out among the students "... of which institution? The previous one you spoke to was the school of medicine which didn't start classes until the year after this rebellion?
- It was the "undergraduates". However, I don't say this because they weren't actually undergrads; they included middle-school-aged students through college. Basically, it was the "lower division", for lack of a better term. Not the medical students. Ergo Sum 03:22, 27 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"Photograph of Ryder" year?
- I can't find a date for the photograph. Ergo Sum 03:25, 27 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]
You link Belgium but not France, why is this?
- Linked. Ergo Sum 03:26, 27 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]
" Know Nothing movement" hyphenated previously, and already linked.
- Fixed. Ergo Sum 03:26, 27 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"he raised $5,000 for" inflate again.
- Done. Ergo Sum 03:29, 27 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]

That's all I have, hopefully some of it is of use. Cheers. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 14:45, 26 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@The Rambling Man: Thank you for yet another thorough review. Ergo Sum 03:30, 27 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Looks very good to me, so happy to promote. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 12:43, 27 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.