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Talk:Indian Heaven/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: SounderBruce (talk · contribs) 01:31, 11 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]


GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:

Comments

[edit]
Lead
  • Skamania County should be mentioned outside the infobox, specifically in the lead and one of the body sections.
Working on making sure one of the sources states this somewhere. ceranthor 16:56, 18 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]
Added. ceranthor 00:37, 22 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • Per WP:OLINK, "United States" can be un-linked.
  • The comma after Red Mountain could be changed to a semicolon.
  • "About 50" would sound better as "Approximately 50"
    • Same goes for "About 40 lava flows"
  • A short description of what a "Wilderness" is would be helpful, perhaps The volcanic field is surrounded by the Indian Heaven Wilderness, a protected wilderness area within the Gifford Pinchot National Forest, supporting diverse flora and fauna.
  • After the sentence about Native Americans, perhaps it should be mentioned that the field derives its name from their name.
Geography
  • The two paragraphs should begin with a "The" to remain consistent with other uses of "the volcanic field"
  • The caption uses "Indian Heaven Volcanic Field"
  • "Constructed" sounds too human. Perhaps "Formed"?
  • Mention the point or town on the Columbia River that the distance is counted from. This would also be a good place to mention the county.
Don't think the source mentions it that specifically, just the distance from the river in general. ceranthor 16:56, 18 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]
Perhaps you can cite a topographic map or a resource that mentions the nearest town to the wilderness area. SounderBruce 23:44, 18 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]
I'm not sure that precision is actually useful, and I worry that it might be considered slightly OR. I've also never had this issue raised in previous volcano GAs or FAs as far as I know. ceranthor 00:41, 22 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]
I suppose it's fine, since you already mention distance from Vancouver.
  • Move the sentence explaining distance from Mount Adams before the location of the volcanic centers.
    • I would also move "southern Washington state" a bit earlier, either next to the Mount St. Helens/Adams sentence or in the county addition mentioned earlier.
Sorry, missed this. Moved. ceranthor 00:41, 22 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]
I'd suggest changing the first sentence of the Geography section to Located in Skamania County in southern Washington state, Indian Heaven volcanic field... and removing the "southern Washington state" mention in the second paragraph. The sentence with Mount Adams could be merged into the preceding sentence like so: The Indian Heaven volcanic field lies between Mount St. Helens and Mount Adams, about 19 miles (30 km) southeast of the latter. If you can find the distance from St. Helens, it would be even better. SounderBruce 02:05, 22 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]
This should be fixed. ceranthor 18:46, 22 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]
Wilderness
  • "a number of volcanic features" sounds a bit weird after the detailed description preceding the section. Perhaps it should be changed to "the volcanic field and other volcanic features"
  • "forests" is rather vague, could something more specific be added here?
I didn't add anything more specific because the species of trees forming the forests are mentioned in the ecology section. ceranthor 16:56, 18 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]
It's fine as is, then. SounderBruce 23:44, 18 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • The tributary trails could be condensed like so: as well as seven other tributary trails that form a 42-mile (68 km) network of trails.
  • What about the 2017 fire makes it worth mentioning specifically?
Just its recency. I think it merits inclusion personally, but open to adding more of the fire history I suppose. ceranthor 16:56, 18 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]
I'd try to steer clear of mentioning the 2017 fire for that reason. SounderBruce 23:44, 18 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]
okay, fair enough. Removed. ceranthor 00:42, 22 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]
Ecology
  • Break up the wall of blue with some descriptions, especially in the sentences listing berry plants and fish species.
Think I've broken it up a bit more. ceranthor 16:56, 18 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]
Human history
  • Why were the huckleberries globally known? How much were harvested?
Source doesn't elaborate, just stating that the fields are renowned. And not sure what you mean by the second question. ceranthor 16:56, 18 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • Why did tribes from Montana and Wyoming gather at Indian Heaven?
Because they're ritually and culturally important, and for the annual feasts. ceranthor 16:56, 18 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]
I'd like to see this explained in the prose. SounderBruce 23:44, 18 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]
Doesn't the prose do that, though? It says "From 1902 to the mid-1920s, local tribes including the Yakama, Klickitat, Wasco-Wishram, and Umatilla, as well as Native American groups from Montana and Wyoming gathered in the Indian Heaven area during the summers for annual huckleberry feasts. During these gatherings, they celebrated, traded, and performed rituals; they also raced horses, played various games, constructed baskets, dried meat, tanned hides, and fished in the local lakes." ceranthor 00:42, 22 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]
D'oh. Mentally skipped that section a few times while thinking about this. SounderBruce 02:05, 22 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • During these gatherings, they celebrated, traded, and performed rituals. Short and vague. I would recommend merging this with the following sentence.
  • 0.5 miles (0.80 km): Use |mi|km|1}} to clean up the conversion.
Geology
Unsure about this. Will look into it. ceranthor 16:56, 18 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]
The history here suggests that it could just be using satellite data from NASA and then the map was created by the uploader. What do you think? ceranthor 18:49, 22 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]
I did manage to track down where the icons are from. Seems like they were ripped from the Google Earth KML collection, but I'm unsure of their copyright. To be safe, I'd recommend requesting a new version from the Graphics Lab and commenting out the current map. SounderBruce 21:30, 22 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Made up" and "like" sound a bit out of place here.
  • Add "eras" after "Holocene". "Holocene" should also be linked here instead of below.
  • activity commencing during [...] and ending during should be changed to whose activity lasted from the Pleistocene to the early Holocene.
  • "southern Washington" should have a "state" appended to it, to be consistent with earlier uses.
  • The rest are polygenetic shield volcanoes: Use of "are" clashes with "were" from the sentence before. Which tense is correct?
  • Spell out the percent after "80%"
Eruptive history and potential hazards
  • Mention that Big Lava Bed resulted from this eruption.
  • from its unnamed, initial source vent, which was a cinder cone.: Can this be reworded? Perhaps from its initial source vent, an unnamed cinder cone or something similar.
  • "5.0 miles" is too specific. Also consider spelling it out.
  • Comma in between "Another more ancient"
  • "that comprise the Indian Heaven volcanic field"
  • "suggesting that they are all younger than 780,000 years old" should be changed to "suggesting that they were all formed less than 780,000 years ago, with the exception of..."
  • "headed by W. E. Scott (1995)" should list out the year in prose, like so: "determined [or published] its mean burial rate in 1995".
  • "made note" sounds better as "noted"
  • "1 in a million" should be "one in a million"
These have all been changed. ceranthor 00:47, 22 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]
Fixed the conversion precision issue. ceranthor 18:52, 22 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]
Major vents
  • Replace "According to" with The Global Volcanism Program of the Smithsonian Institution lists a number of major vents in Indian Heaven, including...
  • The prose list should include more details. Perhaps moving the "Last eruption" note from the table to the paragraph would work.
  • The northernmost point should also be listed here alongside Red Mountain.
  • Could coordinates be added for the remaining entries?
    • Same goes for the elevation for Crazy Hills
    • The remaining coordinates should be harmonized, either decimal or DMS.
Working on these (first one changed). ceranthor 00:47, 22 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]
Removed the two that lacked coordinates, since I couldn't find them on GVP or Wood. And removed the third column. ceranthor 19:15, 22 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]
Recreation
  • First sentence sounds like a visitor's brochure. "Wildlife scenery" doesn't really sound natural at all.
  • A lot of unnecessary trail information. I would condense it down to the most popular trails, the longest trails, trails with scenic views, and a general description of the branches coming off the Pacific Crest Trail.
  • "Gifford Pinchot National forest": Watch the capitalization.
  • The last paragraph in general needs some cleanup. I would move the campground months to the beginning, ditch the sentence about popularity with families, re-word the designated camp site sentence, and mention Goose Lake last.
  • Small typo: "siwmmers"
These have all been changed except for the second point. I like to include lots of trail information where possible. ceranthor 00:51, 22 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]
Per WP:NOTTRAVEL, it would be best to leave out the detailed trail information (which would better suited to the wilderness area's article, rather than something focusing on the natural feature itself). SounderBruce 02:05, 22 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]
Fair enough - should be significantly improved. ceranthor 19:20, 22 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]
Footnotes
  • References should go after punctuation.
Fixed I think. ceranthor 00:52, 22 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Looks like yet another place I need to get around to visiting. Should be fine after these issues are resolved. SounderBruce 01:31, 11 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]

@SounderBruce: Sorry for my delay in getting to your comments. Working on them now. ceranthor 16:35, 18 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]
Started replying to a few of these. Will finish fixing these later today. ceranthor 16:56, 18 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]
@SounderBruce: Got to a bunch of these. ceranthor 01:07, 22 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]
It looks a lot better now. Just a few points left, mostly in the Major vents and Recreation sections. SounderBruce 02:05, 22 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]
@SounderBruce: Any lingering things I missed? ceranthor 19:20, 22 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]
I think that's everything. I won't hold this back over the map's copyright, but I recommend getting it taken care of. SounderBruce 21:30, 22 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]
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