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Suggestions

[edit]

Possible improvements for this article:

- Paragraphs in the lede could be reduced. See here.

- "On RogerEbert.com, Peter Sobczynski gave the film 3 ½ out of 5 stars, commending film's style and use of Indonesian folklore, but criticising some elements of the ending. He particularly highlighted the film's opening sequence, calling it "electrifying" and "absolutely spellbinding" I think Roger Ebert's website grades out of four stars.

- "In a more mixed review, James Marsh in South China Morning Post rated the film 2.5 out of 5 stars and said the film was "unevenly paced and fails to capitalise on its grisly premise", but praised Basro's performance.

Al Jazeera highlighted Impetigore as part of a new wave of low-budget folk horror films bringing attention to Southeast Asia's film industry, alongside Malaysian film Roh." Possibly merge these into one paragraph IMO.

- Some refs, like this, are all right, though there could be better refs from RT. Also, I checked some refs, and ref 3 couldn't be opened somehow.

These are minor issues still, if these are improved this would be a easy B-class. Many thanks! VickKiang (talk) 03:38, 28 June 2022 (UTC)[reply]

@VickKiang: Done all of these. Thanks so much for your input! Any further suggestions on how to make the lead more concise? And what would it take for this to be GA-class? Cheers Arcahaeoindris (talk) 09:15, 30 June 2022 (UTC)[reply]

- It might be just an error with my device, but I couldn’t open ref 15, so could you please check it?

- This is a very minor suggestion, though Variety also has some criticisms, including:

“the convoluted later mix of chase scenes and explanatory flashbacks feels more like an awkward pileup of miscellaneous genre tropes than an elegant (or terrifying) solution to a supernatural mystery.”

If this could be mentioned briefly, that would be great. I had a quick read at the other sections, and there are no big problems. For GA, IMO someone more into horror films could review this for you, as I am not an expert in this genre. Thanks! VickKiang (talk) 21:41, 1 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks @VickKiang:! I have fixed ref 15 and added the Variety critique as suggested. No worries, I may submit for GA review at some point. Arcahaeoindris (talk) 12:34, 6 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

GA Review

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GA toolbox
Reviewing
This review is transcluded from Talk:Impetigore/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Andrzejbanas (talk · contribs) 17:28, 3 February 2023 (UTC)[reply]


I will be reviewing this article. Andrzejbanas (talk) 17:28, 3 February 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Good Article review progress box
Criteria: 1a. prose () 1b. MoS () 2a. ref layout () 2b. cites WP:RS () 2c. no WP:OR () 2d. no WP:CV ()
3a. broadness () 3b. focus () 4. neutral () 5. stable () 6a. free or tagged images () 6b. pics relevant ()
Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked are unassessed


Infobox

  • Producers in the infobox aren't cited. Can be supplemented with the Variety source here: here
  • the Country of production should probably match the Variety sources (i.e: Indonesia, United States, South Korea). Don't really need a cite in the lead either as it's already in the production section.
  • Is there a reason Rahayu Supanggah is missed in the infobox?
  • template:plainlist or template:ubl, while the studio section is using hlist. replace with either of the above.
  • Per infobox standards, only the worldwide distributor and the original production countries as distributors. So, if we can figure out if it's just Indonesia or South Korea and US as well, then we can figure out if Shudder should be included.
  • Running time requires a source. Sometimes I include the running time in the release section of the article, so it can be placed in the prose.
  • Language says Indonesian and Javanese. Variety source states the film is just Indonesian dialogue, i'd either find a source for Javanese or cite the variety one with Indonesian.


Addressed all of these except for the one on the composer - can discuss that below.

Lead

  • "after being mysteriously attacked." slightly strange phrasing.
  • "the film was announced in 2011 but was initially shelved." maybe drop "initally", the rest of the prose will show that it was released.
Adressed both of these.

Plot

  • "Maya is attacked by a man wielding a golok, claiming to be from a village called Harjosari and calling Maya "Rahayu". Maya's aunt gives her an old photograph showing a young Maya - identified in the photograph as Rahayu - with a couple in front of a large house." Bit confused by this, how do they escape the attack? seems like we're missing something here.
Done.
  • "Dini is lured away by villagers, who slit her throat and flay her, mistaking her for Rahayu, whose parents Donowongso and Shinta owned the house." There's a lot of phrasing here that sort of put some elements in weird chronological order. Such as, after she's killed (which seems to be the most dramatic part), we go on about clues about the family. Going through the plot is a bit difficult and I think it could use a re-vamp to make it more understandable for people who haven't seen the film.
Have tried to rewrite the plot to make it clearer. The film does have a big exposition dump in the third act, so I can see how it doesn't read that well. Let me know what you think - if it will make it clearer I could put the prior events around Maya's birth and the curse at the start so they are in chronological order, rather than following the narrative of the film?

Cast

  • Per MOS:FILMCAST, "Wikipedia is not an indiscriminate collection of information, so it is encouraged to name the most relevant actors and roles with the most appropriate rule of thumb for the given film: billing (such as from its poster, opening credits, or main on-end credits), speaking roles, named roles, cast lists in reliable sources, blue links (in some cases), etc." As we are getting into excessive cast lists here and without a source, I'd suggest cutting this down to a third or about half the size. You might also want to add a source as these are relatively unknown actors unless you are very familiar with Indonesian cinema. As they are unknown, you might also want to just have a source for who plays what like in the article for House of Dracula for example.
Done.

Production

  • "In 2011, a poster and a promotional twitter account were made for the film. The project was later cancelled due to the large number of films produced by Lifelike Pictures, which was initially on board to produce." I think this can be tightened a bit, something like, in 2011 a poster and twitter account were made to promote the film, but the project was cancelled." then followed by the two rational citations leading to it's cancellation.
  • "US-based" should probably be "American" or "United States-based", then you can use US after as a short form.
  • "it will be different from his previous horror film Satan's Slaves (2017)." This could use context, how will it be different? If there is no known reason, i'd remove this.
  • You might want to add a bit of context to "Weerasethakul" mixing team, i know who he is, but perhaps note that he had recently won a global award or something just to give a bit more nudge on why it's notable he used his team.
Addressed all of these two. On the last point about Weerasethakul, there isn't much in the source but added that he won the Palme D'Or in 2010.

Release

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  • You should probably add that it was the international premiere at Sundance which is already in the citation.
Done
  • The source only says it's a re-teaming of the Shudder and the director, not that it was their second collaboration, so that should be re-phrased.
Done
  • Probably should say what GoPlay is, I assume it's a streaming service, but context here doesn't hurt (is it an Indonesian based streaming service?)
I think it is a streaming service but the source does not explain it - mentioned this anyway.

Soundtrack

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The soundtrack section is a little underdeveloped, any ideas on who the Spouse are? Perhaps how the people are involved might be better integrated into the post-production section as I don't think this soundtrack has too much relevance.

I have not been able to find much information about this beyond what was in this source. I could integrate this into the post-production, but do you suggest removing the soundtrack listing altogether?

Reception.

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  • The box office section is very small, so I would maybe move it to the release section without a sub-heading. Sections generally look under-developed if they only have one paragraph in them, so that's rational enough for me to include it a release section.
Done
  • Per WP:WORDS, I'd skip saying "however" in the Variety review, as it suggests that one point is stronger or more correct than another.
Done
  • Per MOS:NUMERAL, single integer numbers should be spelled out, so "3 ½ out of 4 stars" should be three and a half out of four stars.
Done
  • a lot of the American publications seem to focus that the film isn't too scary as it focuses on the Indonesian cultural elements of it. Maybe try to lump those in together since they seem to be something those critics hinged on.
Done
  • for the Al Jazeera citation, mention the author declaring this statement. I wouldn't apply the term "folk horror" here, because that site doesn't use that term (see WP:STICKTOSOURCE).
Done

Categories

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  • Categories: Indonesian horror thriller films should probably be removed as the article makes no reference to it belonging to this hybrid. Suggest changing it to Indonesian horror films.
Done
  • Don't really need Films set in Indonesia, as Films set in Jakarta covers it.
Only the opening part of the film is set in Jakarta - the rest is set elsewhere in Indonesia so have included both. Is that ok?
  • Per above, the Javanese statement could use a source.
Done.


Citations

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I'd suggest adding links to Archive.org for all these sources as we've already seem to have lost one. I found when I was editing film articles form Asia, that web pages tend to just vanish, so it's good to back them up.

  • Citation 1 "How ‘Impetigore’ Director Gave Back to Remote Indonesian Village Used for Filming" should state "The Wrap" as the work or publisher, the author Beatrice Vehoreven.
  • Citation 4, link to Variety here.
  • Citation 6, can KOMPAS.com link to Kompas?
  • Citation 7, cite author, publication date, and maybe link to Yahoo! Finance
  • Citation 9. Add the date the article was published.
  • Citation 10, Adjust catps.
  • Citation 11, Add date from article
  • Citation 16 " "Christine Hakim ramaikan Perempuan Tanah Jahanam" is 404ing. Try to fix the URL or find it on Archive.org
  • Citation 20, add date of publication
  • Citation 21, per MOS:ALLCAPS, avoid writing in all caps even if the citation does this. You can read more about the formatting on that manual of style.
  • Citation 24, add author and date. Link to Yahoo! News.
  • Citation 30, add author and date.
  • Citation 32, add date
  • Citation 34, add author, link to the independent
  • Citation 35, add author, link to South China Morning Post
  • Citation 36, add date, link to Al Jazeera
  • Citation 37, add date
  • Citation 38, link to CNN Indonesia?
  • Citation 40, add date. Don't really need a link to Jakarta Post here as it's linked earlier in the citations.
Adressed all of the above on references unless I've missed any.

I'll do a further review after these issues are taken care of, the big issues being the plot a bit hard to parse and some citations needing expansion. Andrzejbanas (talk) 21:23, 3 February 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks so much for taking this on @Andrzejbanas: I think I've addressed all your comments but I welcome further thoughts and suggestions. Arcahaeoindris (talk) 00:29, 16 February 2023 (UTC)[reply]


Follow-ups

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- per MOS:FILM, drop "Indonesian" from the first sentence, it's clarified by the co-production info in the second paragraph. - I'd say "American" first and then state US-based. - Would combine the third and fourth paragraph. - Don't really need a cite in the lead if we have it already cited in the prose. I believe you only need citations in the lead if it's really


Plot - "The attacker is shot and killed by police." this still reads as happening rather quickly like we missed thing. I'm guessing this is just happens as a bit of a shock? if so, maybe re-phrase as "Suddenly, the attacker..." If not, is there a bit of plot here missing?

Development probably don't need brackets on "inspired by his own mother".

Release Check capitalization on "Shudder Picks Up Joko Anwar's 'Impetigore' Indonesian Horror (EXCLUSIVE)" (EXCLUSIVE -> Exclusive)


Reception " but criticising some elements of the ending. " what parts? - I might drop the Independent review as it's not really saying much. It's almost like they didn't watch the film.

- "Marco- Ferrarese in Al Jazeera highlighted Impetigore as part of a new wave of low-budget horror films bringing attention to Southeast Asia's film industry, alongside Malaysian film Roh.", maybe expand on this a bit now. What is this wave? how has it changed? Andrzejbanas (talk) 04:16, 13 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you, addressed all of these now. Arcahaeoindris (talk) 11:39, 16 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your patience. I believe you've covered everything, so I'll be passing this article. Great work! }}— Andrzejbanas (talk) 23:40, 2 April 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Did you know nomination

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The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: promoted by BorgQueen (talk) 09:33, 24 April 2023 (UTC)[reply]

(
)
Joko Anwar
Joko Anwar

Improved to Good Article status by Arcahaeoindris (talk). Self-nominated at 08:50, 4 April 2023 (UTC). Post-promotion hook changes for this nom will be logged at Template talk:Did you know nominations/Impetigore; consider watching this nomination, if it is successful, until the hook appears on the Main Page.[reply]

General: Article is new enough and long enough
Policy: Article is sourced, neutral, and free of copyright problems
Hook: Hook has been verified by provided inline citation
Image: Image is freely licensed, used in the article, and clear at 100px.
QPQ: Done.

Overall: @Arcahaeoindris: Nice. One minor gripe: the source does not seem to back up the fact that the crew build roads, only a path. Please adjust accordingly, or let me know if I am incorrect. Unlimitedlead (talk) 16:30, 5 April 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@Arcahaeoindris: Thanks, I will approve this nomination now. Unlimitedlead (talk) 17:44, 5 April 2023 (UTC)[reply]
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