Talk:Hurricane Ramon/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: 12george1 (talk · contribs) 05:22, 29 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

"The 19th named storm and final hurricane of the above-average 1987 Pacific hurricane season, Hurricane Ramon originated from a tropical disturbance formed in early October." - The word "hurricane" is used three times in this sentence. It would be easiest to do away with the last one.
- Agreed. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 05:46, 29 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"several hundred miles southwest of Manzanillo, bypassing the tropical" - Wikilink to Manzanillo, Colima
- Done. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 05:46, 29 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Tropical Storm Ramon turned to the west-northwest from the west." - Was it originally moving to the west? If so, the sentence should probably be reworded to something like this: "Tropical Storm Ramon turned to the west-northwest, after previously moving westward."
- Tweaked. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 05:46, 29 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Ramon turned to the northwest and rapidly weakened over cooler water." - Water should be in its plural form (waters). Also, wikilink to sea surface temperatures. Don't worry, I won't ask you to abbreviate. :P
- Not when talking about waters, but did the former.
"While at sea, Ramon brought light rainfall to the Baja California Peninsula The remnants of Hurricane Ramon produced heavy rainfall that caused flooding in California, indirectly contributing to five traffic-related fatalities." - Hmm, that's a rather long sentence :P Missing a period between "Peninsula" and "The".
- Fixed. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 05:46, 29 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Moderate flooding was also reported." - Wait, you basically just said there was flooding twice.
- I need to run a mile for doing this. 05:46, 29 June 2013 (UTC)
The second paragraph of the lede is a little bit too short. Maybe briefly mention the rough seas in Baja California? Or elaborate a bit more on the beneficial rainfall in Utah?
- I merged it with the 1st. This is a marginally notable storm. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 05:46, 29 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Initially, the storm was expected to move west and thus remain at sea; however, this did not occur." - Hold on, if Ramon expected to remain offshore, but that didn't occurred, does that mean the storm made landfall?
- No, re-worded. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 05:46, 29 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Ramon held onto marginal tropical storm intensify for 24 hours" - "intensify" to "intensity"
- Done. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 05:46, 29 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Rapidly intensifying, Ramon reached major hurricane" - Wikilink to rapid deepening. Also, a layman may not know what a major hurricane is.
- It did not meet the meteorological definition of RD, but did the second. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 05:46, 29 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"combination of jetstream interactions and increasingly cold sea-surface temperatures." - Why did you wait this long to wikilink sea surface temperatures?
- Why not? Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 05:46, 29 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Although Hurricane Ramon was far from the state at that time, a flash flood watch was issued for southern Orange, San Diego, western San Bernardino and Riverside counties, citing uncertainty in the storm's path." - There is no state name mentioned here. Maybe reword the first part to: "Although Hurricane Ramon was far from the state of California at that time, ..."?
- Done. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 05:46, 29 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"extremely heavy rains across Southern California.[1] Torrential rains deluged Southern California," - That's basically saying the same thing
- Merged. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 05:46, 29 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"The rains caused a wee-long forest fire 16,000 acre (65,000,000 m²)" - Haha, "wee-long" :P
- WHEEEEE (fixed). Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 05:46, 29 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Furthermore, the Spring Creek River overflowed their banks." - "their banks" to "its banks"
- You've told me the opposite before actually. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 05:46, 29 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"The tropical moisture also helped end a 37-day dry spell at Salt Lake City," - Wikilink Salt Lake City
- Done. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 05:46, 29 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Nation-wide, Ramon killed five people, all due to road-related incidents." - Nation-wide? All five deaths were in California.
- California is in the USA. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 05:46, 29 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
There is a little bit more impact available here. Check the California section on page 15, under the two events on October 11 and October 12.
- Added. Thanks for the link. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 05:46, 29 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Reference 7 needs an accessdate
- Done. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 05:46, 29 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Why is the date mentioned twice in reference 13?
- It's part of the title in one instance. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 05:46, 29 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
After a few more fixes by myself, I am now gonna pass this article. Regards, --12george1 (talk) 16:37, 29 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]