Talk:House's Head/GA1

GA Review

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• I have just made a quick review of this and corrected a large number of rudimentary spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. A thorough check is required before it is passed. --DavidCane (talk) 21:45, 18 October 2008 (UTC)

(I did the review before noticing that someone had already started a review, because it wasn't noted at WP:GAN, and the review was not transcluded. Anyway...) I have reviewed this article per WP:GA?. My main concerns for putting this article on hold is the length of plot summary and the sourcing via online videos. The other issues (below) are more a peer review and should be addressed in a common sense fashion, i.e. you can ignore (some of) them if you have a good reason to do so. This article has FA-potential content- and scope-wise, but needs more polishing beyond this GA review.

• Lead:
  • "House eventually realizes that the necklace is made of amber and that "the answer" was pointing out that House was on the bus with Amber Volakis (Anne Dudek) when it crashed." -> "House eventually realizes that the answer is "Amber" Volakis (Anne Dudek), who was on the bus when it crashed."
  • say who Amber is (Wilson's significant other)
  • "alleged 14.84 million viewers" sounds like we can't trust ABC with their viewing figures
  • "Bryan Cranston" doesn't ring a bell, so better add what Cranston won the award for
• Plot:
  • 693 words is simply too long. Per Wikipedia:WikiProject Television/Style guidelines, "As a rough guide, summaries for episode articles should be about 200 to 500 words." Personally, I try to keep to 10 words per minutes.
  • The first paragraph, for example, isn't really important for understanding the episode, and can be shortened to: "After a bus crash, Dr. Gregory House finds himself getting a lap dance in a gentlemen's club. He is squiffy, disoriented, has a head wound, and slightly remembers someone saying, "somebody's going to die".
  • General advice: Not every plot detail needs to be mentioned, and not every plot detail needs to be mentioned in the order that it was revealed in the episode.
  • I'll read it in full when you have trimmed it
• Production:
  • "preceding it.[11]The title" needs a space between sentences
  • 90s sitcom -> 1990s sitcom
  • Not everyone knows all episode names of every show by heart, so the note about "Frozen" isn't helpful at all unless you click on the title
  • "story boarded" -> "storyboarded" or "story-boarded"
  • "bus crash" is mentioned too often
  • "Jim Vickers worked as stunt-coordinator on the episode, Greg Yaitanes described him as "crucial", during the filming of the sequence in which the bus crashed.[11]" -> "Greg Yaitanes described stunt-coordinator Jim Vickers as "crucial" for the filming of this sequence.[11]"
  • "wich" -> "which" (the same happens in the "Critical Reaction" section)
  • ", with the possibility to turn 360 degrees, in order to make the bus crash seem more real." -> "and could be turned 360 degrees to increase the authenticity of the scene."
  • "For the rest of the bus a greenscreen was used that surrounded the complete outside of the bus." -> "A greenscreen surrounding the complete outside of the bus was used for the rest of the bus." (don't know if this is a better suggestion, but if you don't use it, please add a comma between your "the bus a greenscreen")
  • "wasn't" -> "was not" (per WP:MOS#Contractions). Do a Ctrl+F search for "n't" for the rest of the article.
  • "Anne Dudek, who portrays Amber Volakis, wasn't in the shots using the gadget. The shots which included Dudek, were shot with a process called "Poor Man's Process", which means that the gadget does not move, but the impression it moves is given due to light effects and people acting like they are in a bus crash.[11]" -> "The shots involving Anne Dudek, who portrays Amber Volakis, were filmed at another time, using light effects and people acting like they are in a bus crash in the otherwise motionless gadget.[11]
  • "When the bus-crash was filmed, all cast and crew members came to watch the filming.[11][15]" - sounds very trivial. If I had to make a call, I'd either merge it into an existing sentence or remove it.
  • General: If you only use one or two sources for one paragraph without any controversial statements, you can just put all references at the end of the paragraph instead of repeating the same refs at the end of each sentence. However, some editors (even FA-level) prefer to have every sentence sourced.
• Reception:
  • "The episode viewed" -> "The episode was viewed"
  • "viewed live or recorded and watched within five hours of broadcast" can be shortened to "viewed within five hours of broadcast" I think
  • "alleged" per Lead
  • add a date and channel for the US premiere
  • "most watched" -> "most-watched"
  • Do you have dates for the Canadian and UK broadcast?
  • For the sake of importance and a plausible cut-off point, I'd keep the ratings information to the four main English markets and thus lose the Dutch info. There are 10 European nations with a greater population than the Netherlands alone, and House seems to be popular all over the world.
  • The article falsely uses a comma when semicolons should be used, e.g. before "Morrison graded" and "Chamberlin graded".
  • "Sara Morrison, from Television Without Pity called" - comma after the publication needed. The same with "Mary McNarma, of the Los Angeles Times stated"
  • You can shorten feelings of reviewers, e.g. "She also said that she was pleased" to "She was also pleased", or "Jessica Paff, from Zap2it, said that she was surprised" to "Jessica Paff, from Zap2it, was surprised". Do a quick check for other occasions in the article.
  • confusing - even dirty!" - use a spaced ndash or an unspaced mdash per WP:MOSDASH
  • "with a 9.5 (on a ten scale)." - brackets (not the content) can be removed
  • "submitted the episode on his/her/whatever behalf" is really repetitive
• Sources:
  • Ref15, "How the did THE BUS CRASH of House" on youtube - ref'ing youtube always brings up red flags. Please locate the original source; it looks like a season 4 DVD special feature. Is it the same source as Ref11, "See How House's Bus Accident Was Created" (which unfortunately only plays for US residents)?
  • some refs use a linked 2008-01-01 format, others (like Ref8 and Ref20) use the January 1, 2008 format
  • Ref22 needs the name of the DVD, not just the name of the DVD featurette
• Images:
  • Please add the copyright holder to "sources" in Image:HouseHead.jpg. I think a fanpage hosting copyrighted material shouldn't be used as source, so rather say it is a screencap. See the example in Template:Non-free use rationale.
  • "Omar Epps commented that "House's Head" and "Wilson's Heart are his favorite House episodes.[22]" -> ""House's Head" and "Wilson's Heart are Omar Epps' favorite House episodes.[22]"
• Everything else (MOS, reliable sourcing, broadness in coverage, neutrality, stability) seems fine

Please address the concerns within the next seven days. This page is on my watchlist, so leave a comment here when you think you're done. Feel free to ask any questions you might have. – sgeureka ^t•c 18:48, 19 October 2008 (UTC)

Comments

I think I took care of everything you asked, by the way, do you really don't know who Bryan Cranston is?, the dad on Malcolm in the Middle?. Anyway, please take a look.--Music26/11 11:48, 20 October 2008 (UTC)

Of course I know Malcolm's father; I just didn't know the actor's name. ;-)

• The plot is still 623 words long, about 150-200 words too much.
• Remove the youtube link from the External links section; this is copyright infringement because DaRkEtItA87 doesn't have permission from FOX.

(I'll go over the article again when those two issues are fixed.) – sgeureka ^t•c 17:17, 20 October 2008 (UTC)

The plot section is about 557 words long, but I think I did all I can do to slim it down. If you have any imput, I would be very glad to hear it. Some other points are listed below.

Production

The note about "Frozen" is pretty helpful because, yeah.. I don't really know, but I can't see why it isn't either.

Reception

The same thing as the Plot Summary, I don't really know how to rephrase the sentences.

I think I took care of the rest.--Music26/11 11:18, 21 October 2008 (UTC)

I'll read/check/quick-fix the article again within the next two days (I'm too busy with real-world obligations/fun at the moment) and will see what I can do with the plot summary. I'll promote the article afterwards (not now, so that the Article milestones history doesn't get screwed). – sgeureka ^t•c 17:10, 21 October 2008 (UTC)

I have trimmed the plot down on 463 words, and added the crucial first appearance of Amber in the first hallucination. More can be trimmed with the bus driver subplot, but I don't know how many people care about the possible deseases. As stated before, the prose needs more massaging before this can become an FA, but the article passes as a GA now. The points from above that weren't addressed (or that I just noticed) that would rub FA reviewers the wrong way, are listed below. (This may be helpful for future improvement drives.)

• "submitted the episode on his/her/whatever behalf" is really repetitive
• "viewed live or recorded and watched within five hours of broadcast" can be shortened to "viewed within five hours of broadcast" I think
• Australian broadcast date missing
• don't use ALLCAPS in refs

– sgeureka ^t•c 10:32, 23 October 2008 (UTC)