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Talk:Honey (Mariah Carey song)/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: Candyo32 18:10, 14 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Infobox

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*Refs are discouraged in the infobox, because like the lead, this info should be covered in the bottom. So include the date it was recorded somewhere in the background.

Intro

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*Due to the use of two samples; --> semi colon needs to be a colon (:) *Just a suggestion -- To cut down on so many so many sentences in the wordiness listed here, after stating the US charting, say something one the order of "Honey" also reached number one in Canada, and reached the top ten in Australia, Canada, New Zealand, Spain, Sweden, and the United Kingdom. In other most European countries, the song charted outside the top ten, not matching the success of Carey's previous singles in the respective markets. *"a feat that was never again duplicated" ---> say a feat that has yet to be duplicated. "Never again" sounds like it's never going to happen again.

  • "dancing aboard a ship with sailors and frolicking on a beautiful island with her lover." comma after sailors

*Grammy noms are not mentioned in the article. Add & source them and put it in the critical reception too.

Background and recording

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  • The sentences about "a personal note" are a little bit WP:NPOV unless it is critical reception. It also sounds like a direct quote from the book you mentioned. If so, then it needs to be stated it came from the book or the author said it.

*persuing --> I suppose you mean pursuing *In doing so, she began perusing a more hip-hop oriented sound; something much different than anything she had ever recorded. --> After something is not a complete thought, so instead of a semi-colon it needs to be a comma

The info about Carey and Mottolla. But the next sound really like composition than background, because why would the song having "sultrier lyrics" "hip-hop beat" have to do with the background. And this sentence sounds like reception --> "The song revealed a more confident and independent side to Carey that had ever been presented in her previous work" because if it were background then it would be WP:NPOV because finding Carey "confident" and "independent" is bordering on non-neutral. And if this is so, it should state in reception somewhere, Chris Nickson of ___________ said....... Candyo32 20:32, 17 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Composition

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*Link hip-hop and R&B *Combs was very confident with the song, calling it "slammin'", but because of its heavy hip-hip influence, he felt only cautiously optimistic about the song's commercial success. --> Is more of background

  • Like that sentence in the background the last sentence here sentence sounds like critical reception, and if the author of the book said it it needs to be mentioned
  • Use the {{music|flat}} template to denote flats. It comes out large and weird if you just copy and paste the note.

=

Critical reception

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  • Looks pretty good, but try paraphrasing some of the quotes so you won't have to directly state what the review says.
I don't mean the quote length itself just the use of the direct quote, and paraphrasing so it will not be a copyright vio. We don't want to overuse quotes. For example:
Current: Author Chris Nickson felt that "Honey" served as one of the most important songs in Carey's career; enabling her gradual and genuine transition into the Contemporary R&B and hip-hop market. He complimented many aspects of the song, writing "Its importance was well beyond its chart placing. "Honey" was the record that gave Mariah hip-hop credibility. Before that, she'd been seen as a pop singer with R&B tendencies. "Honey changed that perception, and even those who'd once dismissed Mariah as a wannabe were forced to take a second look."
Paraphrased: Author Chris Nickson felt the single's importance was "well beyond its chart placing" and that the single was one of the most important songs in Carey's career, enabling her to transition into R&B and hip-hop. Nickson commented that before, Carey was seen as a pop singer with R&B tendencies, but "Honey" changed that idea, giving the singer "hip-hop credibility", and forced naysayers to "take another look." Candyo32 20:27, 17 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Chart performance

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*Looks good, just wondering how a photo of Carey performing "Without You" is relevant?

Music video

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*First sentence is kind of irrelevant. We're talking about the music video. If you want to talk about how the sound of her new music related to the departure of a new theme in her video, re-word it a bit and it needs to be the last thing mentioned in the last paragraph.

Remixes

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  • Good

Live performances

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  • Good

Formats and track listings

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*These need sourcings

How are the album liner notes used to source US and UK CD singles.

References

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*Your books are referenced a little awkwardly. I would recommend visiting WP:Citation templates and get a cite book temp, so you can state the author, date, publication company, title, etc.

Charts

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*Shouldn't the charts themselves be linked as seen in other music articles? ::Last two charts aren't linked. *Rhythmic Top 40 needs to be removed as it is an component/airplay only chart and not acceptable per WP:USCHART/WP:BADCHARTS


Overall Great work, just make the corrections so the ball can get rollin' Candyo32 00:15, 16 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you Candy :). Its all done! However, regarding the book sources. I copied the format from all legolas' GA and FAs, take a look at Like a Virgin for an example. Thanks!--CallMeNathan • Talk2Me 04:46, 16 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]
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