Talk:Homemade Dynamite/GA1

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

GA Review

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Reviewer: Aoba47 (talk · contribs) 17:10, 17 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Lead and inbox

I would remove the format from the infobox as it is generally assumed that an album track was made available under all of the formats in which the main album was made available.
I do not think that the “(vocal producer)” part in the infobox is necessary.
For this part ("Homemade Dynamite" was described as mid-tempo), either attribute who is doing the describing or just say that it is this type of song. The current phrasing is a little confusing, as you do not clarify who is describing the song this way.
You say that the song is an R&B and synth pop song in the lead, but the infobox only has synth-pop in the genre parameter? The R&B genre is also mentioned in the body of the article so it should be in the infobox.
For this part “Lorde talks about having a sense of euphoria”, I would think that “feeling” would work better than “having”.
I do not think that the reference in the lead is necessary as that information should already be in the body of the article with the reference attached.
I do not know what you mean by “contemporary critics”. I would just say “music critics”. The song just came out last year. Saying “contemporary critics” implies that this was reviewed by another set of critics sometime much further in the past, which is not the case for this subject matter.

Background

I would link Lorde when you first mention her in the body of the article.
For this sentence (It stands out from other songs due to its feel-good message.), you will need to attribute this as something Lorde said. Right now, it just looks like a statement, and reads too much like a fan without the proper attribution.
Link Frank Dukes on his first mention in the body of the article. I would also add a short descriptive phrase in front of him to better introduce him to the reader as he kind of comes out of left field here.
For this part “to work with the song quickly.”, it should be “work on” not “work with”.
I would link pop on its first use in the body of the article.
In this sentence ("Homemade Dynamite" is a departure from the album's breakup theme, as it centers around friendship.), you will need to attribute who describes this as a departure. Was it critics, Lorde, Dukes, fans, someone else?
Link Tove Lo on the first use in the body of the article and add a short descriptive phrase in front of her to better inform the reader on how she is related to all of this.

Composition and lyrical interpretation

Add ALT text for the image.
For the image caption, specify that Tove Lo is the one pictured and include the year in which the image was taken.
Also, add a period to the end of the image caption as it is a full sentence.
This sentence (This is the only track on the record that is not produced or written by Jack Antonoff.) needs a citation.
Link “The Louvre”.
The links for tempo and beats per minute lead to the same article so unlink one of them.
In some cases you mention the writer from a publication (i.e. Andrew Dorsett of PopMatters) and in other cases, you do not (i.e. The Chicago Tribune). You will need to be consistent one way or the other throughout the entire article so please correct this.

Critical reception

This sentence ("Homemade Dynamite" received critical acclaim from music critics) seems like a little bit of a stretch as there is a negative review of the song.
For the fist sentence of the first paragraph, the The Guardian citation is missing.
I do not understand this transition (Sputnikmusic shared similar sentiments) as The Guardian gave a negative review while this publication gave the song a positive one.
This section seems very disorganized to me, specifically the second paragraph. You go from a negative review to a positive to the song’s placement on lists without any real cohesive narrative. I would suggest restructuring the paragraphs to give a clear sense of what is going on. I would probably move the The Guardian and Sputnikmusic stuff to the first paragraph and just make the second paragraph on the lists.
Should Sputnikmusic be in italics?

Commercial performance

There should be a section on this to talk about the chart placements of the original song prior to the remix. The article does mention that the original song charted somewhere through this sentence (Like the original song, the remix had minor chart placements in Canada and the United States, charting at numbers 54 and 92, respectively.). I would either make this into its own section, or put it in with the “Critical reception” section and rename the section to just “Reception”.

Live performances

I do not think that the link for twentysomething is necessary.
For this part (the festivals highlights), it should be “festival’s”.
For this part “with her, a song co-wrote”, get rid of “a song co-wrote” as we already know Lo was involved with the song’s creation from the previous sections.

Khalid, Post Malone and SZA remix version

Please provide ALT text for the image in the infobox.
I do not think that the “(vocal producer)” part in the infobox is necessary.
I would include a topic sentence for the last paragraph.

Other remixes

For this part (More than 1,000 submissions were sent.), I would use “submitted” rather than “sent”.
I would revise the following sentence (The winner, Aela Kae, was handpicked by Lorde who was reminded of the chopped-off vocals used as a beat in her song "Million Dollar Bills" (2013).) to make it read better. It is not clear what is meant by “the chopped-off vocals”. Is that referring to Kae’s remix. The sentence just seems awkwardly constructed to me.
For this part (gave a recommendation for Vincent Sole, who found their "house groove”), should it be “his” nor “their”?

Final thoughts

Great work with this. There are a few parts that are rough, but once all of my comments are addressed, I will be more than happy to promote this to a GA. I really should get around to listening to Melodrama sometime in the future. I have not heard anything off the album, including this song. Aoba47 (talk) 19:07, 17 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]

I tried to fix the whole article the best I could. This one was definitely a challenge as I had to include a remix that was very significant to write about. Thank you so much for reviewing it. Melodrama is a must listen. It is definitely my favorite album ever. I think you might like it. De88 (talk) 07:04, 18 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Verdict

Thank you for addressing everything. I will ✓ Pass this. I will definitely give the album a listen sometime in the future. Hope you are having a wonderful day and/or night! Aoba47 (talk) 16:22, 18 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.