Talk:Helen Shiller/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Grandiose (talk · contribs) 18:16, 17 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Opening comments

Some work required here:

Lead (WP:LEAD): very short; does not adequately summarise the article's content. Doesn't mention anything about her personal life, for example and is well under the general guide for lead length.

lead expanded, thanks Hugh (talk) 00:01, 13 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Layout: "Education" is too short, I feel, and should be merged to early life.

ok, thanks Hugh (talk) 01:13, 20 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Coverage: Quite patchy. The article focusses heavily on some aspects ("Failed attempt to enter low-income housing consent decree") whereas whole years of her life ("Second term (1991–1995)") are barely mentioned. This is a big problem; the article must comply with:

(a) it addresses the main aspects of the topic and

(b) it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail.

There are problems on both counts. I've given the worst examples, but the other periods of her life are also somewhat patchy. This ought to be improved. I'd stick to a "First term, Second term..." structure; clearly some events are more important than others but this ought to be a guide to the appropriate length.

The article reads patchy because the subject's life is patchy! with respect to footprint in rs. I like the organization into terms, too, but it has the unintended side effect of drawing attention to the under-the-radar terms, which is where let's face it most far less notable Chicago aldermen spend their careers. After a thorough review of Studs, newspapers, and magazines, I think the article does a decent job of reflecting coverage in rs. I've removed some detail and shortened the article.Hugh (talk) 23:36, 12 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

"The article focusses heavily on some aspects (Failed attempt to enter low-income housing consent decree)" Editing 1st term for length. Hugh (talk) 01:51, 26 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

"whereas whole years of her life ("Second term (1991–1995)") are barely mentioned" Adding additional notable detail from rs to middle terms. Hugh (talk) 01:51, 26 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I've trimmed the 1st term, and reviewed rs for the middle-term years, and I think the coverage in the WP article is reasonably proportional to rs at this point. Hugh (talk) 22:29, 1 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

There are external links in the main body text.

removed, thanks Hugh (talk) 23:36, 12 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Images seem OK with OTRS permission.
Sourcing appears fine; web-links should have a retrieval/access date, however.

accessdates added Hugh (talk) 06:45, 6 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

On hold for seven days so these issues can be addressed. Grandiose (me, talk, contribs) 18:16, 17 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]

A few tweaks have been made, but there's still a lot of work to do. For this reason, I'm failing the article. Once the issues have been addressed, I suggest you nominate and the article will be in good stead: all failing does is give the article more time to develop. Grandiose (me, talk, contribs) 15:56, 24 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]