Talk:Hans-Ulrich Rudel/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Concertmusic (talk · contribs) 17:52, 16 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

This article is a very good, complete, and informative read. It basically passes muster for GA without my suggested minor changes, but I would love to see a few corrections made before I pass it. I still have to finalize checking the sources a little closer, and the images, but here are my detailed comments on the article so far, with suggested fixes in most instances:

Clarification request: In the 3rd paragraph of the lead, as well as under "Later Life", you write that Rudel escaped to Argentina. To the casual reader, it appears that he was released from US captivity in 1946, and was free man. Why would he need to escape? Maybe just a half sentence or sentence worth of explanation of why he had to get fake papers and escape would clarify that slight confusion.

agree, fixed MisterBee1966 (talk) 12:16, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

CE: I would personally add quite a few commas all across the article. If you'd like, I can do that directly into the article, or just leave it alone - please advise.

please do, not my strength MisterBee1966 (talk) 12:28, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Grammar: In "Early life and career", please fix the opening sentence - my suggestion is: "Rudel was born on 2 July 1916 in Konradswaldau, Silesia, a province in the Kingdom of Prussia, present-day Grzędy in the administrative district of Gmina Czarny Bór, within Wałbrzych County, Lower Silesian Voivodeship, in Poland."

done MisterBee1966 (talk) 14:04, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Grammar: In "Early life and career", the reference to "a teetotaler and non-smoker" appears out of place and sounds as though those 2 facts had something to do with his inability to master combat flying. I would suggest to either move into a separate sentence, or delete altogether.

reworded MisterBee1966 (talk) 13:41, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Clarification request: In "World War II", last sentence, first paragraph: That sentence isn't clear to me: "In late June 1940, he was transferred to I. Gruppe of Sturzkampfgeschwader 3 (StG 3—3rd Dive Bomber Wing), formerly his old unit I. Gruppe of StG 168, and based at Caen, France." How does StG3 relate to StG 168?

I./StG 168 was renamed to I./StG 3 on 1 April 1937. That is why I used the verbiage "formerly his old unit I. Gruppe of StG 168". I changed it to "formerly his old unit I. Gruppe of StG 168 which had been renamed" to make this aspect clearer.MisterBee1966 (talk) 12:11, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Grammar: In "War against the Soviet Union", first paragraph, last sentence: My suggestion to restructure that sentence: "The main objective of Heeresgruppe Mitte, under the command of Feldmarschall Fedor von Bock, was to capture the capital of the Soviet Union, Moscow."

done MisterBee1966 (talk) 14:08, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Grammar: In "War against the Soviet Union", last paragraph: Change "treated of" to "treated for" - checked against dictionary sources: "In early November 1942, Rudel was briefly hospitalized in Rostov-on-Don and treated for hepatitis."

done MisterBee1966 (talk) 13:42, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

CE: In "War against the Soviet Union", last paragraph: Add "of" in the following sentence: "Richthofen had ordered the Stukas of II. Gruppe of Sturzkampfgeschwader 1 (StG 1—1st Dive Bomber Wing) and elements of Sturzkampfgeschwader"

done MisterBee1966 (talk) 12:58, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

CE: In "Anti-tank operations", 1st paragraph, 5th sentence: Change "then to" to "then at", since it is describing a location, where "at" is correct, unless you want to say "relocated to": "The anti-tank unit Versuchskommando zur Panzerbekämpfung was later located at Bryansk-Desna and then at an airfield at Kerch on the Kerch Peninsula."

done MisterBee1966 (talk) 13:06, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Clarification request: What relationship does the final sentence of the last paragraph of "Anti-tank operations" have with the rest of the narrative - it appears to be a free-standing and unrelated comment, which may not be necessary and slightly confusing: "At Rastenburg that day, Oberstleutnant (Lieutenant Colonel) Dietrich Hrabak, Geschwaderkommodore of Jagdgeschwader 52 (JG 52—52nd Fighter Wing), received the Oak Leaves to his Knight's Cross."

reworded MisterBee1966 (talk) 14:06, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

CE: In Defeat on the Eastern Front", 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: Replace the first comma with a semi-colon: "From 7–10 January 1944, Rudel was credited with the destruction of 17 Soviet tanks in these battles; he claimed his 150th tank victory on 11 January 1944, and flew his 1,700 mission on 16 January 1944."

done MisterBee1966 (talk) 12:57, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

CE: In Defeat on the Eastern Front", 2nd paragraph, mid-paragraph: Add the word "join": "He then returned to the Eastern Front, flying to join his Gruppe which was based at Huși, southeast of Iași."

done MisterBee1966 (talk) 12:27, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

CE: In Defeat on the Eastern Front", 3rd paragraph, 3rd sentence: Replace the comma with a semi-colon: "On 22 July, the Gruppe moved to Mielec in the Vistula-San triangle; from Mielec missions against armored columns at Jarosław, Rzeszów and the Wisłok were flown."

done MisterBee1966 (talk) 13:00, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

CE: In Defeat on the Eastern Front", 3rd paragraph, mid-paragraph: Add the word "the": "Fighting on the Courland front, he was credited with 8 tank kills on 14 August 1944, taking the total to 320 tank kills with the 37 mm cannon."

done MisterBee1966 (talk) 12:45, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

CE: In Defeat on the Eastern Front", 3rd paragraph, last sentence: Add the word "namely", since you are itemizing airfields: "From 28 August onwards, Rudel operated from airfields at Buzău, 70 kilometers (43 mi) northeast of the vital oil refineries at Ploiești, namely Tășnad near Tokaj, Miskolc, Sajókaza northeast of Lake Balaton, Farmos near Szolnok, Vecsés near Budapest and Börgönd near Székesfehérvár."

done MisterBee1966 (talk) 13:08, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

CE: In "Wing Commander", 2nd paragraph, last sentence: Delete the extra ")": "On 14 January 1945, Rudel received the Hungarian Golden Medal for Bravery) (Vitézségi Érem Arany) which was presented to him by Hungary's Head of State Ferenc Szálasi at Sopron, Hungary."

MisterBee1966 (talk) 13:12, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Clarification request: In "Wing Commander", last paragraph, mid-paragraph: This sentence is not clear to me, especially the very last piece about the undercarriage - could you elaborate?: "Rudel had his men lock the brakes and collapse the landing gear to render the aircraft useless, all but one wiped off its undercarriage."

reworded MisterBee1966 (talk) 13:45, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

CE: In "Wing Commander", last paragraph, last sentence: Change the sentence after the comma, because you start with "held captive", then switch to "to", when you still need "in" as the adverb: "Over the next eleven months, he was held captive in Erlangen and Wiesbaden, then in prison camps in England and France before he was taken to Fürth in Bavaria."

MisterBee1966 (talk) 13:12, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

CE: In "Later life", 1st paragraph, last sentence: "fake passport of the Red Cross" - this could either be "a fake Red Cross passport", or "bought a fake passport from the Red Cross": "In Rome, with the help of South Tyrolean smugglers and aided by the Austrian titular bishop Alois Hudal, he bought himself a fake passport of the Red Cross with the cover name "Emilio Meier" and took a flight from Rome to Buenos Aires, where he arrived on 8 June 1948."

done MisterBee1966 (talk) 13:56, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

CE: In "South America", 2nd paragraph, 1st sentence: need an adverb to state the distance relationship: "roughly 36 km from the populous...": "In Argentina, Rudel lived in Villa Carlos Paz, roughly 36 kilometers (22 mi) from the populous Córdoba City, where he rented a house and operated a brickworks."

done MisterBee1966 (talk) 12:04, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

CE: In "South America", last paragraph, mid-paragraph: Should there be the word "secret" "or "security" in front of "services": "Schwend, according to Hammerschmidt, had close links with the services of Peru and Bolivia."

"military" done MisterBee1966 (talk) 13:26, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

CE: In "Sport and political ambitions", 1st paragraph, mid-paragraph: Add "the" as seen here: "In 1953, Rudel ascended the Llullay-Yacu in the Argentine Andes, at 6,739 meters (22,110 feet) the fifth highest volcano, three times."

done MisterBee1966 (talk) 13:16, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

CE: In "Sport and political ambitions", 2nd paragraph, mid-paragraph: Change "of" to "for": "Rudel heavily criticized the Western Allies during World War II for not having supported Germany in its war against the Soviet Union."

done MisterBee1966 (talk) 13:16, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

CE: In "Sport and political ambitions", 2nd paragraph, mid-paragraph: Change "himself" to "him": "Rudel's political demeanor subsequently alienated him from his formers comrades, foremost Gadermann."

done MisterBee1966 (talk) 13:16, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

CE: In "Sport and political ambitions", 2nd paragraph, last sentence: If "his biography" refers to Rudel, replace "his" with "Rudel's" to make that clear: "In 2004, Frey and Hajo Herrmann published an abstract of Rudel's biography in the book Helden der Wehrmacht - Unsterbliche deutsche Soldaten [Heroes of the Wehrmacht - Immortal German soldiers]."

done MisterBee1966 (talk) 12:03, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

CE: In "Public scandals", 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: Switch the location of the phrase "of the Bundeswehr" as seen here: "Aufklärungsgeschwader 51 "Immelmann" (51st Reconnaissance Wing) of the Bundeswehr, based in Bremgarten near Freiburg, held a tradition meeting for former members of Geschwader "Immelmann", including servicemen who served with Geschwader "Immelmann" during World War II."

done MisterBee1966 (talk) 13:28, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

CE: In "Public scandals", 1st paragraph, last sentence: Change the word "had" to "he"; you could also eliminate the word "Nevertheless" altogether: "Nevertheless, Rudel attended the meeting, where besides signing his book and a few autographs, he refrained from making any political statements."

done MisterBee1966 (talk) 14:02, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

CE: In "Public scandals", 2nd paragraph, last sentence: The word "later" confuses, and is not necessary - it could just be deleted: "The Rudel Scandal subsequently triggered a military-tradition discussion which the later Federal Minister of Defense Hans Apel ended with the introduction of "Guidelines for Understanding and Cultivating Tradition" on 20 September 1982."

removed MisterBee1966 (talk) 14:00, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

CE: In "Death and funeral", 2nd sentence: Make 2 sentences out of the 1, and replace the semi-colon with a comma if made into separate sentences: "During Rudel's burial ceremony, two Bundeswehr F-4 Phantoms appeared to make a low altitude flypast over his grave. Although Dornhausen was situated in the middle of a flightpath regularly flown by military aircraft, Bundeswehr officers denied deliberately flying aircraft over the funeral.

done MisterBee1966 (talk) 13:32, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Clarification request: In "Summary of military career", you state that the Marat was sunk, but earlier in the article, it sounds as though the ship was damaged, but no reference to it sinking was made. Please clarify, or change "sinking" to a different word.

good point, done MisterBee1966 (talk) 12:01, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Clarification request: In Awards, the date for the award of the German Cross is given as 2 December 1941. Above in the narrative, the award date is given as 8 December 1941. Please clarify.

done MisterBee1966 (talk) 14:04, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Clarification request: Is a date available for the award of the "Front Flying Clasp of the Luftwaffe in Gold and Diamonds with Pennant "2000""?

No, a precise date is not known (to my knowledge) MisterBee1966 (talk) 11:59, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

CE: In "Notes", Note 1: Add a period at the end of the note.

done MisterBee1966 (talk) 09:44, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

CE: In "Notes", Note 6: Add the word "of". Also change "the" to "their", or delete the word "the": "The Dürer-Verlag (1947 – 1958) published a variety of apologetically written books by former Nazis and their collaborators."

done MisterBee1966 (talk) 09:44, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

CE: In "Notes", Note 6: Typo - change "intend" to "intent": "Together with Eberhard Fritsch, a former Hitler Youth leader, Sassen began interviewing Eichmann in 1956 with the intent of publishing his views."

done MisterBee1966 (talk) 09:44, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

CE: Reference for "Fröhlich, Claudia; Heinrich, Horst-Alfred (2004). Geschichtspolitik: Wer sind ihre Akteure, wer ihre Rezipienten?" - capitalize the first "Wer" - Google books has a typo there, but the cover of the book shows the correct capitalization, as it should be.

done MisterBee1966 (talk) 09:44, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Summary

The article is in great shape, and I very much appreciate how quickly and thoroughly my suggestions have been addressed. I have added the commas as discussed above, and I am passing this article as GA - great work!--Concertmusic (talk) 20:47, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Assessment

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

Is it reasonably well written?
A. Prose is "clear and concise", without spelling and grammar errors:

B. MoS compliance for lead, layout, words to watch, fiction, and lists:
Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
A. Has an appropriate reference section:

B. Cites reliable sources, where necessary:

C. No original research:

D. No copyright violations nor plagiarism:
Is it broad in its coverage?
A. Major aspects:

B. Focused (see summary style):
Is it neutral?
Fair representation without bias:
Is it stable?
No edit wars, etc:
Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content:

B. Images are provided if possible and are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:
Overall:
Pass or Fail: