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Peer Review

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Hamish Peacock

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I would like to know how I can expand this article. It has just been approved as a DYK and is in a bit of a runt (most edits are: copy edits, fixing templates and other small fixes). What can i do to improve Hamish Peacock? NickGibson3900 (talk) 11:14, 4 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Shudde

Hey. I'll make a few brief comments. Hopefully you'll find them valuable.

  • The article could use for a general expansion. It is very short. How much material you can add depends on finding appropriate reliable sources of course.
  • Where was he born?
  • A few statements could use clarification, for example "He is the seventh-best Australian of all time in the javelin" could be confusing to some readers (such as me). How is this determined? Does this mean he has the seventh best distance/throw? Or does it mean only six Australian athletes have thrown further? Clarification would help.
  • Have a read through WP:NUMERAL and see if you should write "4th" or "fourth". I get the feeling it's the latter but am not sure.
  • You've got a deleted file up there (File:Hamish Peacock throwing a javelin.jpg) -- make sure that any file you upload to wikipedia or commons is a appropriately licensed. If you're not sure how that works, see Wikipedia:Uploading images for more help.
  • "has trained in the Javelin throw" is Javelin supposed to be capitalised?
  • In the sections under Competitions you mention the word "javelin" a lot. Is there a way to reword to reduce the use of this word? Such close-repetition of words can make articles a little hard to read.
  • Lead could be expanded a little bit, just more on what competitions and achievements (specifically) he has. Probably another sentence is all that's needed.

All in all not a bad start an article. Main suggestion is expansion. I have not checked the references, or for close-paraphrasing. Hope my comments have been helpful. -- Shudde talk 11:18, 7 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Explanations

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@User:NickGibson3900 - Sorry, I wasn't clear in my earlier comments. I think what is needed in the article is an explanation of what 'Qualification Group A' , 'Qualification Group B', and 'PB' actually mean. Citations verifying these references (which would by the way only be validated by giving page numbers in a 272-page pdf) are not enough; readers who have no background knowledge will not know what these terms mean. See MOS:JARGON, WP:STYLE#Abbreviations and WP:Page numbers. Best, --Smerus (talk) 15:00, 13 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Assessment

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I opted for C class, although I see the article as somewhere between Start and C class. The prose in the Activities section is a bit choppy. Chronological ordering of events in this section would have helped in that respect. GregorB (talk) 08:34, 20 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Biography assessment rating comment

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The article may be improved by following the WikiProject Biography 11 easy steps to producing at least a B article.

  1.  Done -- NickGibson3900 (talk) 11:53, 4 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  2.  Done -- NickGibson3900 (talk) 11:53, 4 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  3.  Done -- NickGibson3900 (talk) 11:53, 4 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  4.  Done -- NickGibson3900 (talk) 11:53, 4 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  5.  Done -- NickGibson3900 (talk) 12:20, 4 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  6.  Done -- NickGibson3900 (talk) 11:53, 4 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  7.  Done -- NickGibson3900 (talk) 11:53, 4 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  8. Keep working on the article. Chances are that other editors will notice its existence and join you in working on it. If nobody seems to notice it and you'd like one or two to do so, mention the article in the talk page of a relevant "WikiProject" (e.g. Music), or this one, or both.
  9.  Done -- NickGibson3900 (talk) 11:53, 4 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  10.  Done -- NickGibson3900 (talk) 13:10, 4 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  11. Relax! and take a break if you reached this point. You deserve it!

Feedback

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I am not familiar with athletics so not sure how much other event-related material can go in. It is a bit sparse on biographical info. The lead is also very slim. Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 19:58, 5 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

@Cas Liber What should I do to improve the lead? NickGibson3900 (Talk - Cont.) 09:08, 6 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]
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