Talk:Haley Cavinder/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: PCN02WPS (talk · contribs) 04:43, 26 May 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Hi there, I'll be reviewing this article in the coming days. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 04:43, 26 May 2022 (UTC)[reply]

I have left some comments below, I'll go through and review sources and do another readthrough soon. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 14:16, 2 June 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Birth date should be added to the first sentence of this section, with a citation

Removed birth date because I could not find a reliable source. Sportzeditz (talk) 19:01, 4 June 2022 (UTC)[reply]

"Cavinder played for Gilbert High School in Gilbert, Arizona alongside..." → comma after "Arizona" per MOS:GEOCOMMA
"...who was two years ahead of them." → change to either "two years ahead of them in school" or "two years older than them"
Give a brief explanation of what the "Tournament of Champions" is - is this the postseason high school playoffs, a club basketball tournament, or something else?

"and to the All-Mountain West Team and All-Freshman Team." → to avoid repetition, this could be reworded as "and to the All-Mountain West and All-Freshman Teams"
"April 21, 2022 that" → comma after "2022" per MOS:DATECOMMA
"they would transfer to Miami (Florida), with" → I'd recommend changing this link to read "the University of Miami", to remove the parenthetical disambiguator from the middle of the prose. Whether you keep the target of the link as it currently is, Miami Hurricanes women's basketball, or switch it to University of Miami, is up to you.
There are minor issues with the tense of the last sentence of this section; it needs to be specified that they had two years of eligibility remaining at the time of their transfer. Also switch tense on the last part of the sentence to read "the NCAA did not count the 2020–21 season"

"her twin sister and basketball teammate, Hanna." → Hanna's relationship is already explained in the "Early life" section, so she could be mentioned simply by name here or just qualified as "her sister" and left at that

Same issue with Hanna being reintroduced again here
"In college, Cavinder is a business major with a focus on marketing" → is this at Fresno State, Miami, or both?
"Academic All-District 8 first team" → in this context, what is District 8?

All of those changes look good and reference formatting and spot-checks look good to go as well. Happy to pass this, well done. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 21:20, 7 June 2022 (UTC)[reply]