Talk:HMS Audacious (1912)/GA1
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Reviewer: Iazyges (talk · contribs) 19:25, 29 March 2017 (UTC)
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- No DAB links
- No Copyvio
- No Dead Links . Maritimequest HMS Audacious Photo Gallery and A search link which shows a number of Youtube videos of dives on the wreck are dead.
- All updated.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 00:34, 30 March 2017 (UTC)
Prose suggestions
[edit]- Is it right to say "Destroyers evacuate crewmen". That sounds rather messy. Maybe "Destroyers evacuate HMS Audacious"? — Preceding unsigned comment added by 62.67.189.101 (talk) 07:48, 19 April 2023 (UTC)
- "King George V class was powered by two sets of Parsons direct-drive steam turbines, " perhaps "ships of the King George V class were powered by two sets of Parsons direct-drive steam turbines," or else simply the King George Vs were powered by two sets of Parsons direct-drive steam turbines.
- Excellent idea, too much repetition to close together.
- "joining her sister ships in the 2nd Battle Squadron." Perhaps "after which she joined her sister ships in the 2nd Battle Squadron".
- No, because your phrasing implies a delay.
- "Many Americans on board Olympic were beyond British jurisdiction and discussed the sinking" perhaps "The many Americans on board Olympic were beyond British jurisdiction and discussed the sinking", as the lack of The makes it seem (at least to me) as if some were under the jurisdiction, which if true, is never explained.
- Good idea.
- That's all my suggestions. Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 02:45, 30 March 2017 (UTC)
- Thanks for the review.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 14:49, 30 March 2017 (UTC)