Talk:Goodbye, My Friend/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Beloved Freak 11:39, 31 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for criteria)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose): b (MoS):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
no problems here
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
no problems here
It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
no problems here
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

No dead links or links to disambiguation pages. I've given it a bit of a copyedit, partly to lose some slightly informal language. As usual, please check that I haven't inadvertently changed the meaning of anything, or if you just don't like it!--Beloved Freak 12:16, 31 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Prose/MoS

Lead

Could you add a little bit summarising the reviews? You've said that they were mixed, but you've got a good three paragraphs in the reception section, so a bit more summary would be good.
- Done.

Plot

You have "mob" linking to gang. Would organized crime or American Mafia be any more relevant?
- I'm not good with links, but I used "organized crime".
"During dinner, Frank's mother..." does she tell Jack this behind Frank's back, or does Frank know? If he knows, I think it's fine as it is, but if it is without Frank's knowledge, then please make that clear.
- No, Frank steps out to get a wine bottle, and I think I made it clear, though, I don't know if it makes sense.
  - Ok, I tweaked that slightly, but "Frank's father is in hiding as he is a lawyer for the mob, and does not want her son to follow in those footsteps..." - does this mean she doesn't want him to follow in his father's footsteps, or his father doesn't want him to?
    - She doesn't want him following in those footsteps, and she tells Jack that Frank's dad is in hiding. -- ThinkBlue (Hit BLUE) 17:40, 31 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Tracy has "never had a birthday or a birthday party" - is there some deeper meaning to this, or has he just never celebrated? I presume he has had birthdays. Perhaps just never celebrated a birthday.?
- He tells Kenneth that he doesn't have a birthday, because he doesn't have a birth certificate due to the fact that Tracy was born inside of Yankee Stadium. "I bounced around foster care so much that nobody bothered to throw me a birthday party."
  - Ah, ok. it's ok as it is then, but I wonder if maybe just having never celebrated a birthday would work anyway, as this summary doesn't really expand on him not actually having a birthday. Up to you.
    - Has been added. -- ThinkBlue (Hit BLUE) 17:40, 31 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The last few sentences of the plot are a little awkward. Perhaps, after "avail" just something like Tracy sees Jenna jumping out of a wheelchair to get attention and tells her that his birthday wish was that she get better, after seeing her wear a back brace at the birthday party. Still not perfect, but a little better.
- That was tricky for me to come up with. At what was supposed to be Jenna's birthday party, she got upstaged by Tracy, Frank, and Cerie. So, to get attention she wore a brace, but everyone still ignored her, though Tracy saw her wearing the brace, but didn't acknowledge it until he saw her jump out of the wheelchair [in a later scene], and him telling her that that was his birthday wish that she get better.

Production

"In January 2009, it was confirmed that singer Patti LuPone would play Frank's mother on 30 Rock.[8] In this episode, she played Sylvia Rossitano." - these two sentences seem sort of the same. I realise one is about the announcement and one is about the actual episode, but could they be combined somehow?
- I think I got it.
"According to Friedlander, "[Fey] was hilarious"..." - this quote is a little awkward, could you perhaps out the whole quote in there? I'm not sure exactly what you're working with so I can't give an example. Also, I'm not sure you need "ultimately did not do it, as the part was given to LuPone." - isn't that obvious?
- I think I got it.
"Lithgow replies "I guess someone's been watching The World According to Garp."" - presumably this is referenced because Lithgow was also in that film; that's not clear here.
- Added that he starred in the movie.

Just a few issues with the prose to tweak, and it should be fine. Putting it on hold.--Beloved Freak 12:16, 31 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the review. :) -- ThinkBlue (Hit BLUE) 17:19, 31 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Nearly there, if you could just answer the one last little query about Frank's mother & father above...--Beloved Freak 17:35, 31 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Answered. -- ThinkBlue (Hit BLUE) 17:41, 31 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Ok, thanks. Congrats, that's another one down!--Beloved Freak 17:47, 31 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you very much. :) -- ThinkBlue (Hit BLUE) 17:48, 31 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]