Talk:God of War III/GA1
GA Review
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Reviewer: Hahc21 (talk · contribs) 03:59, 7 September 2012 (UTC)
Review
[edit]- Lead
- Will visit later.
- Gameplay
- "that shows a third-person view". This may sound a little redundant. Let me think of a substitute for it.
- How about "It is a single player game that features a fixed camera from the third-person view."?
- Better.
- How about "It is a single player game that features a fixed camera from the third-person view."?
- "Magic is upgraded via upgrading". This is definitely redundant :)
- I'm not sure how to fix that and be clear about it, because in order to upgrade the magic, you have to upgrade the corresponding weapon, which is what it's meaning when it says "Magic is upgraded via upgrading the weapon to which each is linked."
- Well, I see hehe. Then, leave it that way.
- I'm not sure how to fix that and be clear about it, because in order to upgrade the magic, you have to upgrade the corresponding weapon, which is what it's meaning when it says "Magic is upgraded via upgrading the weapon to which each is linked."
- "rechareged"?
- Fixed.
- "The Rage of Sparta is the equivalent". Consider changing "The Rage of Sparta" to "This ability", since the last paragraph ends with it. Or, you can merge those two sentences into a single one.
- Merged.
- "provide additional abiliities". Is it "abilities"?
- Fixed.
- "and art galleries as rewards. Completing each difficulty level also unlocks various rewards.". It may sound quite redundant, I think.
- In this case, the first sentence refers to the challenge mode and its various rewards. The second sentence is saying rewards are also unlocked from completing the game. I was trying to think of a way to merge them, but I'm not sure without it sounding awkward or confusing. --JDC808 ♫ 04:34, 14 September 2012 (UTC)
- Turn around the sentence: Instead of saying that doing X unlocks rewards, say that "Rewards, such as art galleries, etc, are unlocked by X or completing each difficulty level." I think it may be better :P — ΛΧΣ21™ 00:03, 15 September 2012 (UTC)
- Okay, how is it now? --JDC808 ♫ 00:26, 15 September 2012 (UTC)
- In this case, the first sentence refers to the challenge mode and its various rewards. The second sentence is saying rewards are also unlocked from completing the game. I was trying to think of a way to merge them, but I'm not sure without it sounding awkward or confusing. --JDC808 ♫ 04:34, 14 September 2012 (UTC)
- Development
- "Asmussen did mention that there were.... Amussen also stated". try to avoid writing his name that much.
Okay. The rest of the article is great. I will pass it. Cheers! — ΛΧΣ21™ 15:53, 21 September 2012 (UTC)
- Awesome, thanks again. I'm going to be requesting a copy-edit for this page, so that should take care of the issue that you stated about Development. --JDC808 ♫ 17:11, 21 September 2012 (UTC)