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GA Review

[edit]

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: SusunW (talk · contribs) 15:23, 16 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I will review this one over the next few days. Please bear with me, I am slow and meticulous. SusunW (talk) 15:23, 16 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Comment - Slow and meticulous is what I want, as I put this up for GAC to find the flaws. — Maile (talk) 18:02, 16 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks. Little by little we'll work through it. I'm going to add the comments and when I finish them will go back and review what you have fixed. SusunW (talk) 15:10, 17 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Early life

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  • Green tickY Quirk says (p. 15) her name was Gloria Josephine May Swanson. You have Gloria May Josephine referenced to page 256? I see now that Welsch (p. 3) gives the order as GMJ, but it would appear that Quirk is correct as her birth record shows it GJM.[1]
  • Green tickY Harzig & Matovic says (p. 283) that her father's birth name was Svensson, and later changed to Swanson. Quirk says (p. 17), his name was Swenson, but that would be an English take on the Swedish name. Perhaps "(né Svensson) is more accurate?
  • Green tickY Link to Harzig & Matovic is to subscription service of Project Muse, please indicate subscription is needed in your references. Same with Welsch.
  • Green tickY Both references to her father's military service and her mother's ancestry are found on Quirk page 17, not 256.
  • minus Removed Hawthorne Scholastic Academy is neither referenced in Quirk nor Harzig & Matovic. When did she attend?
Can't find sourcing for this, must have picked it up from the old version of this article. — Maile (talk) 19:38, 16 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Green tickY Link Key West and Puerto Rico .
Cleared section

1914–1918: Essanay/Keystone/Triangle

[edit]
  • Green tickY None of the information cited to silenthollywood.com (except that her first role is unconfirmed) appears in that source. Source itself is questionable. No editorial oversight, Kay Shackleton appears to be a fan and marketer, but I find nothing that would make her work meet WP:RSSELF Self-published expert sources may be considered reliable when produced by an established expert on the subject matter, whose work in the relevant field has previously been published by reliable third-party publications. Perhaps you know of something I do not?
Not really. Hoping against hope. I'm going to park this until we get through the rest. If no other source comes up to replace the individual citations of this, I'll just delete where necessary. — Maile (talk) 21:19, 16 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
I've replaced all the sourcing for Silenthollywood,com, with the exception of finding a source for "A Social Club" in the table. — Maile (talk) 23:25, 16 September 2020 (UTC) I have now replaced all silenthollywood.com sources with reliable sourcing. — Maile (talk) 13:24, 18 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Green tickYThe source for the first 3 sentences appears to be Welsch p. 12. Insert citation after $3.25.
  • Green tickY Shearer (p. 14), indicates her first role was At the End of a Perfect Day (not released until 1915) and her second film role was in The Song of the Soul, released in 1914. My reading of Shearer is that Perfect Day is the film with Gerda Holmes. Holmes was definitely in that film, but I find no reference on the web that she was in Soul.
The filmography in Welsch lists her first role as in the Francis X. Bushman film The Ambition of the Baron, which also has Gerda in it. I removed the sentence altogether, as the easiest solution. It's not an essential bit of information IMO. — Maile (talk) 00:26, 17 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Green tickY $13.25 and leaving school is on p 13 of Welsch, not 12-13.
  • Green tickY insert conversion template to provide source (${{Inflation|US|13.25|1914|2019}} in {{CURRENTYEAR}}, according to calculations based on [[retail price index]] measure of inflation.){{inflation-fn|US}}
I don't understand what you are telling me to do here. — Maile (talk) 23:57, 16 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
I changed it. I see that you are using the template, but there was no ref as to what the source being used is. I added that template.  Done SusunW (talk) 15:24, 17 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Green tickY Welsch (p 18) says nothing about Beery being her future husband. Add a citation to Shearer p. 25
  • Green tickY After Keystone, fix ref 20-3 is odd, should be 20-23.
  • Green tickY "proved popular with audiences" should be cited to Welsch p. 23, there is no reference to their audience appeal on p 30 of Shearer.
  • Green tickY Birchard link is subscription service of Project Muse, please indicate subscription is needed in your references
  • Green tickY Birchard 135-136 makes no mention of The Sultan's Wife. After "Teddy at the Throttle (1917)." insert Birchard p 135 and Shearer p 35.
  • Green tickY Birchard 135-136 does not name the films she made with Conway. After "You Can't Believe Everything in 1918." insert Birchard p 135 and Shearer pp 40-42.
  • Green tickY Birchard citation at end 135-6 is odd, it is either 135-136 or 135-36, not 6.
Cleared section

1919–1926: Famous Players-Lasky/Paramount Pictures

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  • Green tickY Welsch p 439 confirms she was in For Better, For Worse but says nothing about its plot nor it being the first film under her contract with DeMille. Change citation to Birchard p. 139
  • Green tickY Welsch p 58 does not mention either 6 films, Male and Female nor have a quote to "Lion's Bride". Her 6-film arrangement with DeMille is corroborated in Beauchamp p 109 and the Welsch reference appears on p 55 for the film and p 56 for "Lion's Bride" quote (note there is no "The" in the quote).
  • Green tickY Welsch p 58 confirms the meeting with Somborn and his career, but makes no mention that he would become her husband. Correct citation to show pp=58, 61.
  • Green tickY Move citation at the end of "(1921)" to at the end of "followed." and correct p # to 440.
  • Green tickY No mention of Dwan in AFI Catalog, citation should be to Shearer p 423.
  • Green tickY No mention of appearing in 10 Wood films or being a friend of Valentino in AFI Catalog.Thomson p 1016 confirms she made 10 films w/ Wood and Shearer p 59 confirms she and Valentino were friends. Add additional citations.
  • Green tickY After "public image would become." correct citation to 93-94.
  • Green tickY The citation to the Des Moines Tribune confirms she married de la Falaise but nothing about the film or his role in it. After "Léonce Perret." cite to Shearer p 123; after "Napoleon." cite to Welsch p. 136; after "lost film." cite to Welsch pp=150, 370; move the Tribune citation to follow "film's production." and add citation to Welsch p. 138.
See directly below this.I need to mull over how I've handled the info on this husband. I moved the text and citations on de la Falaiseto her husband's own subsection. — Maile (talk) 17:43, 17 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Green tickY "After a four-month residency in France" seems misleading. It's like they chose to stay there and just enjoy life, when in reality she was convalescing from a botched abortion. I get that is a sensitive subject, but is there a way this can be reworded? Cite is also wrong, follow "as the Marquise." with Welsch pp=148, 151
Thinking this one over, as I wrote this section before I realized the necessity of doing separate sub-sections under "Marriages and relationships". It's mentioned there, but I'm thinking of how to smooth this out. — Maile (talk) 15:28, 17 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
I moved the text on de la Falaise from the Famous Players section, and added some prose about her recovery from the abortion. And, hopefully, got the citations correct. — Maile (talk) 17:43, 17 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Green tickY After "Los Angeles." cite Welsch pp=149, 152
  • Green tickY After "sound-on-film process." cite Shearer p 86.
  • Green tickY Insert (1925) after The Coast of Folly and Stage Struck, insert (1926) after Fine Manners, and correct citation to 443-444.
Cleared section

I'm going to break here for today. Will resume review tomorrow. SusunW (talk) 20:06, 16 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Photos

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Silly me, I thought I'd do the photos as a break from the text and it would be easier. Not. I'm also going to ask GRuban to look at them, as photos are hard and he has way more experience with them than me. Top to bottom until the gallery and then left to right:

  • Green tickYGloria Swanson photographed by Nickolas Muray (1922).jpg: Does not appear to be in public domain. The Smithsonian indicates it was taken in 1922 but printed in 1978 and the photographer Nickolas Muray (1892-1965) holds the copyright. Add photographer's dates.
Photographer's dates added at Commons, but does your note above about not in the public domain mean we cannot use this image? — Maile (talk) 12:46, 18 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Yes, that's the way I read the Smithsonian's link. It doesn't remotely matter when it was made, unless it was never published in the author's lifetime. In that case it falls into public domain 70 years after the author's death (in this case 2035, which is why putting the photographer's dates on commons is important). If the author is unknown the time frame is 120 years after it was created.[2] What matters is when it was published and for most of these, I don't see any proof of publication. If they were publicity photos, that information (and often whether they were copyrighted) appears on the back of the photograph, so if we don't have that, how do we know they really were a publicity photo and not just a photograph the photographer took and had a negative of that someone printed after their death? But, I tend to overthink things, so I really hope George is around and can weigh in. SusunW (talk) 13:12, 18 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Think of it like hiring a photographer for an event. They show up and take 50 photographs. The client selects 10 and buys them. The photographer still has the other 40 in negative. Those aren't published, they aren't sold. They die and someone prints a photograph from one of those negatives and publishes it. Death doesn't make the photo public domain, nor does the fact that the photographer took it in 1922. SusunW (talk) 13:30, 18 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Very well. I've replaced it with one of the Gallery images where we confirmed the copyright. — Maile (talk) 13:34, 18 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Green tickYBobby Vernon, Gloria Swanson, and Teddy the Dog.jpg: Was copyrighted in 1930 by Tower Magazines; no renewal shown in 1958 or 1959. Add confirmation links for confirming renewal1958, 1959 and then appears good to go..
  • minus Removed Swanson-Change Husband.jpg: How do we know this is a still or frame from the film? It appears to have come from here or here. She wore the outfit in the film, but where's the proof of when it was published and who took it?
  • minus Removed Sadiethompsonlobbycard.jpg: GRuban do we just assume this was a lobby card and that it wasn't copyrighted? I see here that the film was copyrighted, but see nothing in the same year's (1928) volumes for art/photography that cover the film or anything about Swanson.
  • minus Removed File:Gloria Swanson & Billy Wilder - ca. 1950.JPG: Great justification for use of publicity photos on this one, but how do we know it was a publicity photo if we don't have a copy of the back of it? No source is given for it and we don't even have an actual date? This link says it was taken for Sunset Boulevard in 1950, but I'm not sure that the website meets our RS guidelines for editorial control. Confirm source and date.
  • Green tickYFred MacMurray Gloria Swanson My Three Sons 1965.JPG links are dead, not archived, but uploader did load front/back images in original upload. Appears good to go.
  • Green tickYGloria Swanson 65 Allan Warren.jpg Appears good to go.
  • minus Removed Gloria Swanson from Male and Female.jpg: Replace dead link[3] Add photographer dates to Struss (1886–1981) Nothing on that link says it was a publicity photo, and the immediate image was published in 1980. There's another version on commons which says it is from MOMA, but that link is also dead, I cannot find it on MOMA’s site. Confirm publication.
  • minus Removed Gloria Swanson Photoplay 1918.png basic search "Gloria", "Swanson" returns no hits in any of the 3 volumes of Photoplay in 1918.[4],[5],[6] Confirm publishing information.
  • minus RemovedGloria Swanson (1919).jpg link to source is dead. Confirm publishing information
  • Green tickYGloria Swanson 1921.jpg Appears good to go.
  • Green tickYGloria Swanson - Screen Acting.jpg add photographer's dates [7]
  • Green tickYGloria Swanson - Feb 1922 Tatler.jpg add photographer's dates[8]
  • Green tickYGloria Swanson - Feb 1922 Photoplay.jpg Appears good to go.
  • Green tickY added 1922 movie still image of Valentino and Swanson. The file does have a good link back to Photoplay Magazine where it appeared. — Maile (talk) 20:59, 18 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Sorry about that. There are tons of photos on Commons with her as the subject, but yes, many are inadequately documented. Makes it so hard to try to use them. Cleared section

1925–1933: United Artists

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  • Green tickYAfter "of her era." fix pages 57-58.
  • Green tickY Not sure I understand what the money-zine.com link is supposed to document. Her subscription to $100,000 of stock should be cited to Balio, p. 58
  • Green tickY fulfilled her existing agreement with Paramount uncited and what 2 films? From the filmography looks like that would be Fine Manners, which has already been cited, and The Untamed Lady (1926). Perhaps it makes more sense to list Untamed in the previous section, since it was made first and change this sentence to say "Before she could produce films with United Artists, she completed Fine Manners with Paramount and turned down an offer to make The King of Kings with DeMille. Welsch, pp=167, 169-170
You are correct in that I was going by the dates in the filmography when I wrote that. — Maile (talk) 20:29, 17 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Cleared section

Swanson Producing Corporation

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  • Green tickY After "with United Artists." Welsch p 171
  • Green tickYAfter "the title role." Welsch p 175
  • Green tickYThere is no reference to Garon in connection with the film in either of the sources given. Perhaps "The film costarring, John Boles, was directed by Albert Parker, based on the play The Eyes of Youth, by Max Marcin and Charles Guernon. It co-starred John Boles and Pauline Garon" Welsch p 171
  • Green tickY "production had been a disaster" perhaps just "production was a disaster".
  • Green tickY After "expectations." Welsch pp 174-177
  • Green tickY After "production costs." Balio 83
Cleared section

Gloria Swanson Productions

[edit]
  • Green tickY After ""Miss Thompson"." pp 100-101
  • Green tickY After "Joseph Schenck." pp=181, 183
  • Green tickY After "Distributors of America." correct pages to 184-185
  • Green tickY After "What Price Glory?." correct page to 102
  • Green tickY After "the film's release." insert Moss p 103
  • Green tickY After "Long Beach, California." insert Moss p 104
  • Green tickY After "(equivalent to $12,500,000 in 2019)." insert Balio p 83
Cleared section

Gloria Productions

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  • Green tickY After "Art Cinema Corporation." insert cite to Balio p. 83 and Welsch pp=198-199
  • Green tickY After "shared stock." insert cite to Balio p. 83.
  • Green tickY After "her financial advisor." insert cite to Welsch p 202
  • Green tickY After "in Delaware." insert cite to Welsch p 205
  • Green tickY After "Art Cinema Corporation." cite should be Welsch pp 207-208
  • Green tickY After " in 1928." insert cite to Lennig p 276.
  • Green tickY After "the basic script" insert cite to Lennig p 276.
  • Green tickY After "was taking." insert cite to Lennig pp=277-278
  • Green tickY After "by Gregg Toland." insert cite to Welsch p 247 and Lenning p 288
  • minus RemovedI see nothing that shows the film was seen in South America. Welsch p 247 confirms it wasn't released in the US and Lenning p 288 says it played in Paris and possibly other European cities.
  • Green tickY Last paragraph, Thomson p 1016 confirms that the 2 films were made by Gloria Productions.
  • Green tickY Lennig p 287 confirms The Trespasser was a talkie, but makes no mention of it being filmed silent. Welsch p 234 says preparations were made to shoot with sound, p 235 says "it was impossible to cut and re-dub sound", and 236 says "the rapid, efficient pace of production on The Trespasser indicates that Swanson quickly overcame any uncertainty about being recorded. The whole picture was made in twenty-one shooting days"..."The picture had been so carefully planned that cutting was a snap, and a silent version was prepared and titled by late summer." All of that indicates to me it wasn't dubbed but was recorded with sound and the silent version came after, but maybe I am wrong? It needs to be sorted and cited at the end of the sentence.
Fixed the issues. — Maile (talk)
  • Green tickYWhy no mention of it being "the first major American talkie to have its world premiere in London" or the fact that it was her first talking film, in which she also sang? Welsch pp 239, 243
  • Yes, I think you are correct about the oversight on The Trespasser . Welsch goes into great detail about how this film came to be. I can't deal with it this evening, but we'll get to it tomorrow. — Maile (talk) 00:13, 18 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Done. — Maile (talk) 14:47, 18 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Green tickY Neither source cited confirms that What a Widow! was her first picture filmed with sound. Welsch p 445 confirms it was her final picture for Gloria Productions and Welsch pp 258-259 confirms it was the end of her business dealings with Kennedy.
Fixed. .— Maile (talk) 14:47, 18 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Cleared section

United Artists stars on the radio

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  • Green tickY Move citation Hershfield p. 17 to the end of "commercial films".
  • Green tickY Move citation Globe-Democrat to the end of "D. W. Griffith."
Cleared section

Gloria Swanson British Productions Ltd.

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  • Green tickY In her UA contract, she had to deliver 6 films, they refused to count Queen Kelly so, counting what she produced, Sunya, Sadie Thompson, The Trespasser and What a Widow!, she was 2 short. Balio p 84 says that Indiscreet and Tonight or Never (1931) were a package production for Art Cinema, which makes 5 and then Perfect Understanding would be 6. I don't think you can omit the 1931 films, so possibly start the paragraph with, "Before she began filming Perfect Understanding as Gloria Swanson British Productions Ltd., she produce a 2-film package production for Art Cinema, which included Indiscreet and Tonight or Never (1931) cited to Balio p 84.
  • Green tickY Strike "by Gloria Swanson British Productions Ltd." and cite to Welsch pp=282, 445
  • Green tickY After "on-screen husband." cite to Welsch pp=282, 284
  • Green tickY After "box office." change cite to Welsch p 286.
Cleared section

1938–1950: Creating new paths

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  • Green tickY After "in 1938." cite to Welsch p 299
  • Green tickY After "in 1941." correct pages to 303-304
  • Green tickY Link WPIX-TV
  • Green tickY After "in 1948." correct page to 316
  • Green tickY After "newsletter." correct citation to pp=349, 384
  • Green tickY After "movie theaters." correct citation to 303-304 and add citation to [9] (because it lists all those things in one place, rather than having to hunt each of them down in a book.
Cleared section

I'll stop here for today and return tomorrow. SusunW (talk) 21:43, 17 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Sunset Boulevard

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  • Green tickY After "D. M. Marshman Jr." insert Phillips p 109
  • Green tickY After "Norma Desmond." insert Phillips pp=111-112
  • Green tickY After "to the set"." change cite to p 112
  • Green tickY After "William Holden." insert Phillips p 114
  • Green tickY After "financial need." change cite to pp 109-110, 113
  • Green tickY link Waxworks to Wax museum
  • Green tickY After "Anna Q. Nilsson." insert Phillips p 122
  • Green tickY After "to drive" change cite to pp=114, 117
  • Green tickY "At the studio," seems incorrect. I see no plot discussion in the American Society of Cinematographers link. Going back to Phillips, on p. 123 the fatal encounter happens at Desmond's home. Perhaps "Desmond's dreams of a comeback are subverted and when Gillis tries to end their romance, she threatens to kill herself, but instead fatally shoots him".
  • Green tickY After "news cameras," insert Phillips p. 123.
  • Green tickY American Society of Cinematographers citation correct author's name to Williams.
  • Green tickY "In 1995, the Library of Congress" belongs in the legacy section; however, the way it is written it is about Wilder, not Swanson. I would reword it "In 1995, the Library of Congress chose Sunset Boulevard, along with three other films, "to be preserved in the permanent collection of the National Film Registry of the Library of Congress as culturally, historically, and aesthetically important".
Cleared section

Final films

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  • Green tickY After "Norma Desmond." cite to Welsch pp=342, 382-383
  • Green tickY After "in 1952." cite to Welsch p 343. Why no mention that it was her first color film? That seems significant.
  • Green tickY After "Brigitte Bardot", add "an Italian film shot in Rome." change cite to Welsch pp 343, 447
Cleared section

Television and theatre

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  • Green tickY After "be guests." cite to Welsch p 316
  • Green tickY After "them as well." insert cite to Welsch pp=355, 377 and for Carol Burnett], which which confirms the date.
  • Green tickY Welsch p 355 says she appeared on What's My Line but does not say twice. I cannot find a source. Do you have one?
Eliminated the word "twice". It was unsourced content before I became involved. — Maile (talk) 23:01, 18 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Green tickY After "Burke's Law." change cite to Welsch p 358 and Shearer p 368
  • minus Removed I don't see any reference to 1970 or Joplin's death in any of the cited pages. this p 260 confirms it was in August 1970, and this p. xiii confirms she died 2 months later.
Deleted mention of Joplin's death.
  • minus Removed I don't see anything in Welsch that says anything other than that she appeared as herself on the Beverly Hillbillies. This confirms when and the plot.
removed "titled "The Gloria Swanson Story",
  • Green tickY After "in the 1940s." cite to Welsch p. 307
  • Green tickY After "August 1944." New York Times link is behind a paywall. Add Wayback archive link so it is accessible.
  • Green tickY After "Let Us Be Gay." cite to Welsch p. 314
  • Green tickY After "David Niven." cite to Welsch pp=339, 341
  • Green tickY After "Booth Theatre." cite to Welsch pp=374-375
  • Green tickY "Swanson appeared on The Carol Burnett Show in 1973, doing a sketch wherein she flirted with Lyle Waggoner. The episode was titled "Carol and Sis/The Guilty Man"." should be in the paragraph above, as is not a stage role. BUT, the newspaper clipping above says her "debut" on Carol Burnett was in 1973 as Charlie Chaplain. I cannot find any production date for "Carol and Sis/The Guilty Man", some sources list 1970 and others say unknown. Swanson did appear with Waggoner on Burnett's show in that debut on 29 September, but I cannot find anything that says the name of the episode or describes it. What is described is her appearance as Charlie Chaplain.
Taken care of. I've actually seen this on You Tube in recent memory. All that sticks in my head is her perfect impersonation of Charlie Chaplin. — Maile (talk) 19:37, 19 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Green tickY LA Times clip says autobiography was published in 1981.
  • Green tickY After "commercial success." move cite from LA Times and add cite to Welsch p 386 (for its reviews).
  • Green tickY After "silent era." change cite to p 396.
Cleared section

Personal life

[edit]
  • Green tickY Change "paper bag" to tin box and cite Welsch p 355.
  • Green tickY No need to mention the autobiography twice. I think perhaps the best place for it is here and deleted from the previous section. I would not begin a new paragraph, instead following "William Dufty." perhaps "He also ghostwrote Swanson's autobiography Swanson on Swanson (1980? or 1981?), which became a commercial success" and cite to the cite from LA Times and Welsch p 386.
  • Green tickY About the stamp, I think it is interesting that it was authored for the United Nations Decade for Women and her last creative project.
  • Green tickY Paragraph starting "She was a pupil"...change she to Swanson. Not sure what the protocol is here, but linking to a WP article rather than the source for Syman seems odd (and I don't like it ;)!), because WP cannot be a source for itself. (I looked at WP:MOS, and MOS:LINK, but neither says whether the link should be to a WP article or to the source.) It isn't a huge deal, but can you add the URL for the source?
I added the url in the bibliography of this author. Hope that's what you meant. — Maile (talk) 11:49, 19 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Yes, and thank you! SusunW (talk) 20:44, 19 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Green tickY Pearson is not a web page without pagination, it is a pdf. After "Los Angeles." cite Pearson pp=1-2
  • Green tickY After "United States Constitution." cite Pearson p 1 and Carper & Hunt p 353, which confirms the information about the establishment clause.
  • Green tickY After "change that?" insert Pearson p 2
Cleared section

Wallace Beery

[edit]
  • Green tickY After "way out of it." cite Shearer p 25 and Welsch p 27
  • Green tickY After "from Keystone." cite Welsch pp=28-29
  • Green tickY After "to hospital" (which is oddly worded in British English. For an American it would be to the hospital) insert Welsch p 29
  • Green tickY After "December 13, 1918." change cite to Shearer p 45
Cleared section

Herbert K. Somborn

[edit]
  • Green tickY After "Brown Derby restaurant." cite to Shearer pp=59, 457
  • Green tickY After "October 7, 1920." cite to Shearer p 66
  • Green tickY After "father." change cite to Welsch p 111
  • Green tickY"During their divorce" remove overlinks (throughout the article on DeMille--once is sufficient) and note citation doesn't mention Valentino.
Cleared section

Henri de la Falaise

[edit]
  • Green tickY After "the film's production." cite to Welsch p 138
  • Green tickY I see no citation to "Richard and Martha Lucy Hennessy" though Welsch p 148 confirms he was related to the family that produced Hennessy's cognac (which should be linked). After "no personal wealth." change cite to Welsch pp=138, 148
  • Green tickY After "later regretted." change cite to Welsch pp=144-145, 147
  • Green tickY After "finalized." insert cite to the Des Moines Tribune
  • Green tickY After "title of Marquise." correct cite to Welsch pp=148, 301
  • Green tickY After "divorce in 1930. cite to Welsch pp=248-250
  • Green tickY After "behind Nazi lines." cite to Welsch p 300
  • Green tickY Remove the cite after "mental vampire" and after "into reality." change cite to show only p 299
  • Green tickY Remove the cite after "patents company" and after "Rockefeller Center." insert cite to Welsch pp=300-301
Cleared section

Joseph P. Kennedy

[edit]
  • Green tickY After "President John F. Kennedy." cite Welsch p 237
Cleared section

Michael Farmer

[edit]
  • Green tickY Fix citation after "time with him" 271-273
  • Green tickY Remove Henry (or Henri) (throughout the article he is styled as Henri) and cite to Welsch p 273
  • Green tickY After "a mistake." cite to Welsch p 274
  • Green tickY After "2 years later." add a cite to Welsch p 275, as the newspaper article does not give the marriage date.
  • Green tickY After "April 5, 1932" correct cite to read Welsch pp=278, 281
Cleared section

I'm going to stop here for the day and will return tomorrow. Thanks for being patient with me. SusunW (talk) 21:49, 18 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]

William M. Davey

[edit]
  • Green tickY "They married four months later", Welsch p 311 says 3 months. I guess it depends on whether you count October. Perhaps, just insert the date January 29, 1945? and then cite to Welsch.
  • Green tickY I'm not sure that Welsch p 312 says they began attending AA meetings, it says they went there to get literature to me. After "around the apartment." insert citation to Welsch p 312
Sourced - and changed it to "an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and gathered AA pamphlets", and sourced Welsch 312 to it
  • Green tickY After "moved out" cite Welsch p 312
  • Green tickY After "Memorial Fund." change Welsch citation to 313-314
Cleared section

William Dufty

[edit]
  • Green tickY Link New York Post, Lady Sings the Blues (book) and Birmingham, Michigan; unlink Sugar Blues
  • Green tickY After "You Are All Sanpaku." cite to the LA Times (2002)
  • Green tickY "He first met Swanson in 1965 and by 1967"? The LA Times says "Swanson, who had advocated a sugar-free diet for many years, met Dufty in the mid-1950s"; Welsch p 363 puts the date at around 1966. Sugar Blues — fix the citation to a cite book style: Chilton is the publisher, not the author, which was Dufty, and link to the url — confirms on p 12 that they met at a press conference and retells the sugar cube story, but it gives no dates. On p 23, he says "that was in the 1960s". I see nothing that confirms when they moved in together, except that after he wrote a letter to her (Dufty p 23) she invited him to dinner and he moved in (Welsch p 363). Shearer p 376 says he wrote the letter in 1966. I think the best way to deal with it is to say they met in the mid-1960s and moved in together and cite it to Welsch p 363 and Dufty pp=12, 23.
  • Green tickY After "speak about nutrition." cite The Palm Beach Post (1975) and LA Times (2002)
  • Green tickY "They promoted his book Sugar Blues together in 1975 and co-authored a syndicated column" is not in Sugar Blues (it would be weird for the book to talk about its own promotion) I think perhaps this sentence can simply be omitted, as you already talked about its promotion in personal life and I find nothing that confirms she co-wrote a column with Dufty.
  • Green tickY Welsch doesn't say that Swanson/Dufty met John Lennon and Yoko Ono because of Sugar Blues, but does confirm it was Dufty's writing. Perhaps just It was through Sugar Blues that Dufty and Swanson first got to know John Lennon and Yoko Ono because they were fans of his work. cited to Welsch p 381.
  • Green tickY After "permanent resident." add https://archive.vanityfair.com/article/2001/11/01/conversations-with-lennon url] to Vanity Fair citation.
  • Green tickY Either deleted "Dufty ghost-wrote Swanson's best-selling 1980 autobiography, Swanson on Swanson based on her drafts and notes, after which she revised it several times." or move it above to the personal section where it already is discussed.
  • Green tickY "They were prominent socialites, having many homes and living in many places, including New York City, Rome, Portugal, and Palm Springs, California" I don't find anything that calls Swanson a socialite (typically that is a non-working woman who hosts events of influential people. She might have used her influence, but she was not unemployed and in my mind, fails as a socialite.) Welsch p 370 says she bought a farm in Colares, Portugal, in 1969 (they weren't married yet). Her papers confirm she owned homes in Beverly Hills, California; Colares, Portugal; Croton-on-Hudson, New York; and Palm Springs, California and "an apartment at 920 Fifth Avenue, New York City". Perhaps, "Besides her Fifth Avenue, she and Dufty spent time at their homes in Beverly Hills, California; Colares, Portugal; Croton-on-Hudson, New York; and Palm Springs, California cited to the Harry Ransom Center.
Cleared section

Political views

[edit]
  • Green tickY I think this section should move to go under personal life between the 2nd and 3rd paragraphs.
  • Green tickY After "Seniors for Reagan-Bush." remove dead link and cite to Welsch p 383
Cleared section

Death

[edit]
Cleared section

Honors and legacy

[edit]
  • Green tickY "In 1955 and 1957" are not mentioned in the 1966 clip. Add citations to this and this.
I don't see the citations added to confirm the 1955 and 1957 dates?
They're in there now. I somehow missed these. — Maile (talk) 21:34, 19 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Cleared section

Portrayals

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  • Green tickY The AFI Catalog doesn't mention Swanson or Venora but Holbrook p 158 does.
Cleared section

Awards and nominations

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  • Green tickY Jussi needs citation. I could find nothing accessible in English, but this archive link shows she received the award.
Thanks for this link. I've been looking for ages for anything on this. — Maile (talk) 19:02, 19 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
You're welcome. Wasn't easy. Could find nothing in a search, but once I figured out it was a Finnish award, I clicked on the Finnish article link and was able to find it as an archived link. SusunW (talk) 21:30, 19 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Cleared section

Overall Comments

[edit]

Comments, If you are going to try for FA, I would suggest that the performances go into a separate page, as FA does not generally allow tables. SusunW (talk) 18:07, 19 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]

The thought of FAC crossed my mind, but I don't think I'll go there in the end. — Maile (talk) 19:02, 19 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
    Exhaustive review of refs shows all information is verifiable and no OR, plagiarism, copyvios evident.
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
    Alt text is not required for GA, but since you have it, it should be a description of the photo, not the title, i.e. (lede image) Black and white portrait of a woman in a spaghetti-strap dress with bobbed hair, holding netting in her hands below her neck (or something like that...)
I went ahead and changed the alt text on all the images to something appropriate, even though it's not required here at GA. — Maile (talk) 10:17, 20 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  1. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:

Finished with ref check. Now will confirm completed sections per comments and then when you are done with revisions will review text. SusunW (talk) 18:14, 19 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Pretty exhausted. We've put in a lot of work on it today. Looks like only one section still needs a couple of refs. If you can do that, I'll do the read through tomorrow and we'll get this passed. Thank you so much for all of your work on it. SusunW (talk) 21:33, 19 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
And I thought it was just me getting so tired. I assume you're talking about the Honors and legacy, and I took care of those two. We shall meet again tomorrow, hopefully. — Maile (talk) 23:55, 19 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Yes, it was that. I've now read through, text is fine, certainly meets "reasonably well written". I made a few minor edits, but mostly just gnomish page numbering consistency, punctuation etc. Give me a minute or two and I'll do the stuff to pass it. Nice working with you Maile66 SusunW (talk) 14:53, 20 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@SusunW: thanks for all your help and diligence on this. — Maile (talk) 15:02, 20 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]