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GA Review

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Reviewer: MrLinkinPark333 (talk · contribs) 22:53, 18 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]


Hello! Thought I review this one as you've been waiting awhile and seems like a straightforward article to review. If you have any comments/concerns during the review, feel free to ping me here.

Lead checkY

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Early life

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  • Which part of the sentence is Inside pool magazine supporting her youth sports? Seems like all of it is referenced by Pool & Billiard.
Moved additional source to info included. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talkcontribs) 21:50, 26 November 2019 (UTC)information Note: - see below.[reply]
  • "Before the age of 18, Hofstätter won the Austrian fencing championship, as well as other international fencing competitions." - Pool & Billiard says she won it during her "youth" and doesn't specifies a specific age. It'd also would contradict the sentence after saying she started playing pool at 15.
Not really, she did both until she was 18. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talkcontribs) 21:50, 26 November 2019 (UTC)information Note:[reply]
Yes, but it sounds odd bouncing saying "before the age of 18" then 15, for chronologically. If "before the age of 18" was rephrased without specifying an age, then it'd make more sense. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 20:40, 27 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
    • Also, Pool & Billiard only mentions one international fencing competition, not multiple. Resolved
Reworded Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talkcontribs) 21:50, 26 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Hofstätter, however, decided to take up pool at 15, when she joined her first team in Althofen" - "however" would need to be dropped per Editorializing in Words to watch.  Resolved
 Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talkcontribs) 21:50, 26 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
    • Pool & Billard doesn't specify it was her "first" team when she joined for the Althofen team. Resolved
Reworded Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talkcontribs) 21:50, 26 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Having won the event, Hofstätter was given a "key to the city" of Althofen" - I don't think Hofstätter was awarded the key of the city solely because she was the European champion. Specifically per the sentence "Those early accomplishments were recognized" in Pool & Billiard.information Note: - see below.
Reworded Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talkcontribs) 21:50, 26 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In 1990, Hofstätter moved to Sweden to study and compete...(Women's Pool Billiard Association) Classic Tour in 1993." - long sentence that I suggest breaking up into two for grammar, even though it has a semicolon. Resolved
    • "In 1990, Hofstätter moved to Sweden to study and compete" - close paraphrasing of Pool & Billiard per word order. Slight retweaking needed to pass limited wording.information Note: - see below.
Split Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talkcontribs) 21:50, 26 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
    • Close paraphrasing as well in the same source with "to compete in the newly formed WPBA (Women's Pool Billiard Association) Classic Tour in 1993" Resolved
Reworded Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talkcontribs) 21:50, 26 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
    • The static1.squarespace.com link isn't reliable by itself. As it's part of the WPBA page, I'd swap the source name with the WPBA instead. Unfortunately, Hofstätter is mentioned only in the PDF part, so I couldn't request you to use the WPBA link instead.information Note: - see below.
    • Changed Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talkcontribs) 22:15, 28 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Hofstätter would actually win the first WPBA event" - "actually" is editorializing that needs to be dropped. Resolved
Dropped. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talkcontribs) 21:50, 26 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
    • Her first WPBA tour win was the Creative Inventions San Francisco Classic, not Brunswick Billiards Atlantic Classic. Resolved
Changed Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talkcontribs) 21:50, 26 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
    • Finally, Pool & Billiard Magazine does not state that Hofstätter was the first and only player to win the first WPBA they competed in. New source needed.information Note: - see below.
removed fact. Can readd if a source comes up. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talkcontribs) 21:50, 26 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "She would also win her second and third European championships in 1993...winning the eight-ball and nine-ball events." - this sentence needs two sentences as it sounds disjointed with the commas. Resolved
    • "reaching the final in all three events," - her finals appearance in straight is missing. Resolved
I've reworded for succinctness. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talkcontribs) 21:50, 26 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
    • Also, mentioning that she reached the final in 8-ball and 9-ball is redundant as she won those events. Resolved
    • Finally, per earlier, Billiard Apps doesn't specifiy her wins were European championships. Resolved
That is from the European Championships website. I'll change the link Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talkcontribs) 21:50, 26 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Due to winning these events, she was voted the Austrian player of the year for state of Carinthia" - Inside Pool doesn't suggest she was named player of the year because she won those events.information Note: - see below.
Changed to "after". Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talkcontribs) 21:50, 26 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
    • "for state of Carinthia" -> for the state of Carinthia Resolved
 Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talkcontribs) 21:50, 26 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
    • Also, BIlliard Apps doesn't have her award, just Inside Pool. Resolved
Removed Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talkcontribs) 21:50, 26 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In both 2001 and 2002, Hofstätter held the highest European WPA world ranking for two consecutive seasons" - not verified in Pool & Billiard. Resolved
    • Also, "for two consecutive seasons" is redundant as it's already stated it was for 2001 to 2002. Resolved
In sports, a season isn't necessarily a year, so it's not redundant... but I can't find the source where I read that, so I'll remove. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talkcontribs) 21:50, 26 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Additional comments

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  • "In 1987, she won her first Austrian national championship" - Inside Pool doesn't say it was her "first" Austrian championship checkY
  • "In 1990, Hofstätter moved to Sweden to study and compete" - close paraphrasing that needs a tiny tweak.
  • I just spotted the sentence that says she was the first person to win their first WPBA event in Pool & Billiard ("To the surprise of many,"). My mistake.
  • I'm not sure if she was presented the key to the city right after winning the European Pool Championship. It does sound like it was presented the same year she won the championship though.
  • You might have missed my comment about the squarespace source.checkY
  • Inside Pool doesn't say she received the Austrian player of the year award after winning her second and third European championships. New or Additional source needed.

--MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 20:16, 27 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Career

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Paragraph one

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  • "Hofstätter's first major title came in 1995, where she entered the Women's WPA World Nine-ball Championship, held in Taipei, Taiwan. She would reach the final, and defeat Vivian Villarreal to win her sole world championship." - various issues with these sentences:
    • Redundancy: mentioning that her first title win came in 1995 and saying that she reached the final and won is redundant. I recommend either saying one or the other. Resolved
    • Neutrality: The phrasing "first major title came in 1995, where she entered" doesn't sound neutral. I think once the redunancy is adjusted, this would be fixed as well. Resolved
    • Accuracy: The World Pool-Billiard Association link is from 2012, so I can't confirm it was her sole championship. Plus WPBA doesn't have her win either. I don't know if Propool.info is reliable though.
  • "She was given the nickname of "G-Force" after her World championship win." - not verified by AZ Billiards. Yes, the website has the nickname, but does not state when she received it. Resolved
  • Not sure why the 2002 world 9 ball championship is being cited for the 2000 world 9 ball championship. Resolved
  • "Hofstätter would win her first minor tournament this season" - AZ Billiards doesn't confirm (well to me) that BCA Open 9-Ball was a minor tournament. I'd drop "minor". Resolved
  • "Both events were won by Karen Corr." - out of scope as this article is about Hofstätter, not Corr. Resolved

Additional points

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Paragraph two

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Additional points

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Paragraph three checkY

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  • "Since 2005, she has played exclusively on the WPBA Tour, as well as two International Pool Tour events in 2006." - A source that links to Hofstätter's 2005 season is needed as well as the sentence starts with "since 2005" Resolved
  • " Women's Professional Billiard Association and Billiard Congress of America Hall of Fames in the Greatest Players Category" - Pool & Billiard only has her WPBA induction, not BCA Resolved
  • "As of 2019, she is still competing." - not according to Pool & Billiard which says she retired Resolved
  • "In total, she is a nine-time European champion, and 17-time Austrian national champion" - Pool & Billiard says 11 European championships, not 9.information Note:: see below.
    • Also, Billiard Apps does not support any of the claims, as it only has her 4 8-ball wins. Resolved

Additional points

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  • "Since 2006, she has played" -> she had played (as she's retired now).
  • I see you swapped the source for her 9 time European championships. However, Billiard Apps doesn't have her 17 Austrian championships. checkY

--MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 20:43, 28 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Championships checkY

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Additional points

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Personal life checkY

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  • "Hofstätter is married to Daniel Hofstätter with two children Sophie and Madison." - not verified at Pool & Biiliard.information Note: see below
  • "She is a qualified pilot, having gained a licence in 2010." - not verified at Pool & Biiliard as well.information Note: see below
Additional points
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Paywall issues (AZ billiards)

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These ones I can't verify behind the AZ Billiards paywall. I'll have to request at the Resource Exchange:

  • "A few years later, Hofstätter would reach the semi-final of the WPBA Hawaii Classic in 1998"  Resolved
  • "The following year, Hofstätter finished third at the U.S. Open Nine-ball Championship"  Resolved
  • "The 2000 season saw Hofstätter reach the knockout rounds again at the world Nine-ball championship, reaching the last 16," Resolved
  • "and seventh at the Women's event at the U.S. Open."information Note: - see below
  • "2001 saw Hofstätter finish in the top five at two WPBA events, at the players championship,"information Note: - see below checkY
  • "and Midwest championship."  Resolved
  • "In 2002, Hofstätter reached the semi-finals of the world Nine-ball championship again, before losing to Karen Corr."information Note: - see below
  • "Hofstätter would go on to reach the final at the WPBA West Coast Classic in 2005" Resolved
  • "losing to Kelly Fisher in the final" Resolved
  • "defeating Chang Shu-Han 7-3 in the final." Resolved

Additional paywall sources I'd need access to:

Additional comments

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Thank you for the screenshots. A few issues have come up:

It's a double-elimination bracket, they both continued in the competition to the last 5. Source added shows just that Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talkcontribs) 22:12, 28 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Overall

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  • I'm working on this bit by bit. I'll ping you once this review is done. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 22:53, 18 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Update: This article has various issues. My main concern is the various unverified statements in this article, with most of them showing up in the championships and personal life section. There are other statements that require a slight modification of the sentence to make them 100% accurate. Otherwise, there is also some editorializing, grammar, and close paraphrasing issues. Alternatively, i have to request many of the AZ billiards sources from the Resource Exchange as they are hiding behind a paywall. Therefore, I can not finish the article review until I get access to them. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 17:00, 21 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • @Lee Vilenski: Well, since I haven't got a response from Wikipedia talk:WikiProject Cue sports, I might as well ping you to let you know that I've reviewed all except for the AZ Billiards subscription ones. I'll put this on hold for a week and reassess from there. Hopefully, I'll be able to check the AZ billiards ones within a week. P.S. I've seen you're wikibonked according to your userpage (didn't know that was a thing :/ ). I'll leave it up to you what you want to do next :) --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 03:22, 26 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Oh, I have an agreement with the owner to view the content. I can send you either screenshots or quotes from the sources in question. Yeah, I'm pretty burned out, and I have a few issues at home that make my time a lot smaller than it once was. I'll start working on this one soon. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talkcontribs) 18:19, 26 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
@Lee Vilenski: Screenshots would be preferable so I can read and verify the sources. Take all the time you need. Your mental health and home issues are much more important than a GA Review :) --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 19:52, 26 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Update

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  • @Lee Vilenski: As tomorrow will be a week this GA Review was put on hold, I'll do a recap of what's left. On one hand there's a couple of accuracy issues: "first" Austiran championship, the url for her 1995 European 9-ball win, and husband's name. Alternativelly, there are some wording that I'm debating whether it's fine or not: "Before the age of 18" before "take up pool at 15," and "reached the semi-finals.... again". Finally, I'm looking into whether propool.info is reliable or not. In terms of stuff that won't effect the GA review but thought I should ask: I'm wondering why some events in the article are in italics while some aren't. More curious than anything. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 20:39, 1 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • @Lee Vilenski: Updated the review as i just checked over the lead. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 20:37, 4 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • On one hand there's a couple of accuracy issues: "first" Austiran championship, the url for her 1995 European 9-ball win, and husband's name.
    • So, I managed to fish out an archive of the Austrian National website (which for whatever reason is pretty much dead now), which has all of the results on: [1]. 21:53, 14 December 2019 (UTC)
    • Name changed for Husband Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski (talkcontribs) 21:54, 14 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
      • @Lee Vilenski: Nice find for the Austrian championship website! Cause of this, you don't need the adjacent Inside Pool Magazine ref as it doesn't support it. Also, the other thing is the ref for her 1995 European 9-ball win. Either you could use the W9 url or swap for a different source you already used. I've no preference. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 00:15, 15 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • @Lee Vilenski: I'm referring to "She also won her fourth European championship, in the nine-ball event that year." in the professional career paragraph. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 20:05, 15 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]