Talk:George Fan/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Jaguar (talk · contribs) 14:45, 28 September 2021 (UTC)

I'll get to this soon. ♦ jaguar 14:45, 28 September 2021 (UTC)

• "with a degree in computer science" - perhaps link computer science

•  Done Lazman321 (talk) 04:09, 1 October 2021 (UTC)

• "He worked under Arcade Planet to develop games for their website, Prizegames.com." - when did he do this? Directly after graduating?

•  Done Lazman321 (talk) 04:09, 1 October 2021 (UTC)

• "Fan grew up with his brother and lived under their father" - with their father

•  Done Lazman321 (talk) 04:09, 1 October 2021 (UTC)

• "His favorite film was Swiss Family Robinson because of the scene near the end where the family sets traps against attacking pirates." - this doesn't seem to be noteworthy

•  Done: Removed Lazman321 (talk) 04:09, 1 October 2021 (UTC)

• "Fan describes the website as "an online version of Chuck E. Cheese"" - I'd link Chuck E. Cheese

•  Done Lazman321 (talk) 04:09, 1 October 2021 (UTC)

• "Fan discovered PopCap Games and took a liking to their games" - repetition, how about game library

•  Done Lazman321 (talk) 04:09, 1 October 2021 (UTC)

• " With PopCap Games as the publisher, Insaniquarium" was" - stray quote mark here

•  Done Lazman321 (talk) 04:09, 1 October 2021 (UTC)

• "titled Insaniquarium: Deluxe.[a] and was met" - stray full stop here

•  Done Lazman321 (talk) 04:09, 1 October 2021 (UTC)

• "Fan left Blizzard to become independent for a year" - an independent video game designer?

•  Done Lazman321 (talk) 04:09, 1 October 2021 (UTC)

• "He wanted to bring new concepts to the tower defense genre and found enemies" - lots of sentences opening with 'he'. Try Fan desired in this case

•  Comment: "Fan desired to bring new concepts..." reads awkwardly. I am just going to use "Fan wanted to bring new concepts..."

• "The working title was Weedlings; after the enemy change," - what does this mean?

•  Done: It was referring to the change from aliens to zombies. Lazman321 (talk) 04:09, 1 October 2021 (UTC)

• "a card game named Magic: the Gathering," - the card game Magic: the Gathering

•  Done Lazman321 (talk) 04:09, 1 October 2021 (UTC)

• "It was declared by PopCap spokesman Garth Chouteau on May 20, 2009, that Plants vs. Zombies was the fastest selling and best-selling video game created by PopCap Games" - this reads awkwardly

•  Done: Reworded and cut down for better flow and conciseness. Lazman321 (talk) 04:09, 1 October 2021 (UTC)

• "When EA directed PopCap towards making free-to-play games with transactions, "Fan no longer fit in."" - who said this?

•  Done: Jason Schreier of Kotaku Lazman321 (talk) 04:09, 1 October 2021 (UTC)

• " Edmund Mcmillen" - capital 'M' in McMillen

•  Done

• "and has been discredited following the publication of an article by Kotaku" - who was discredited? Fan?

•  Done: No, the rumor was discredited Lazman321 (talk) 04:09, 1 October 2021 (UTC)

• "All Yes Good would develop Octogeddon for the next four years" - wrong tense

•  Done: Changed "would develop" to "developed" Lazman321 (talk) 04:09, 1 October 2021 (UTC)

• "Shigihara is Fan's girlfriend" - this reads awkwardly

•  Done: Reordered. Lazman321 (talk) 04:09, 1 October 2021 (UTC)

• "for the Magic: The Gathering core set, Magic 2015" - stray comma

•  Done Lazman321 (talk) 04:09, 1 October 2021 (UTC)

Insaniquarium was one of my favourite games while growing up. I still have the disc to this day. I've picked out some grammatical and structural issues with this article. Once they're all out of the way this will be closer to meeting the GA criteria. ♦ jaguar 20:01, 28 September 2021 (UTC)

@Jaguar: I have done your requests. Lazman321 (talk) 04:10, 1 October 2021 (UTC)

Thank you, this looks good to go now. ♦ jaguar 10:32, 2 October 2021 (UTC)