Talk:Foundation Financial Group

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[Untitled]

Here's my sot-of review. Since you aren't an IP, you don't have to get reviewed, so I'm going to let you make some changes and create it yourself. If you want to, you can cross my suggestions out that you fixed by tying:

<s>text you want to cross out</s>

In the lead section (the first paragraph), you list all of the things that foundation financial group does. I would suggest that you replace that by saying that it's a licensing company and adding their services into a section called "services", or something like that, along with more information.
For the company history section, see that you have good information, but I think it is too trivial to be considered encyclopedic.
In the background section, I would rename it "History". Also, one generally doesn't say who the source is in the text by saying something like, "According to __________..." but instead just give the reference to the source.
In the background section, try to make the text explain the company's history and not just listing where it has locations.
In the lead section, I would make the last sentence a little bit more neutral. Even if it's true, it's not quite neutral.
Overall, it seems to be primarily lists, so I would add more paragraph-content.

I hope you found this helpful! pluma Ø 02:47, 27 October 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Suggestion

Good job. This is much better. The only advice I'd give would be that, in the [[User:Geis0099/sandbox#Company_History |company history]] section, where you keep on saying "foundation financial group" over and over again. If I were you, I'd replace "foundation financial group" with some pronouns or "the company" or something like that in order to make it less repetitive. Happy editing! pluma Ø 18:26, 30 October 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Notability

I have been notified that this page is being used primarily for promotional purposes, rather than an encyclopedic article. This is reinforced by the fact this article is orphaned, and the neutrality of this article needs some work. I've held off filing a full RfD since there could be a good reason for this, and this page is still quite young. Please establish notability (ie, why this company warrants their own Wikipedia article) either in the article or here on the talk page. ☭ cmn ☭ ( ❝❞ /✍ ) 19:04, 21 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]