Talk:Florence Petty/GA1

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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GA Review

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Reviewer: SNUGGUMS (talk · contribs) 02:45, 12 July 2020 (UTC)

Hello there! I'll start by reviewing this article's lead section.

Lead

• No licensing concerns with File:Florence Petty (1870-1948; aka The Pudding Lady).jpg
• Having super short paragraphs with only a sentence or two is discouraged as that makes the text look choppy. I'd opt for just one larger paragraph in this case.
  • Done. I’m not a fan of it tho - I normally go for the writers’ norm of a paragraph per point, but I appreciate that not everyone follows that. - SchroCat (talk) 08:51, 12 July 2020 (UTC)
• Too avoid any potential interpretations on food quality, I'd replace "cheap" from "cheap and nutritious foods" (which could suggest it didn't taste very good) with "inexpensive"
  • Done. - SchroCat (talk) 08:51, 12 July 2020 (UTC)

More will come later. On another note, while I wouldn't say an infobox is necessarily required, is there any specific reason this article doesn't currently have one? SNUGGUMS (talk / edits) 02:45, 12 July 2020 (UTC)

• You’re right: an IB is not required. - SchroCat (talk) 08:51, 12 July 2020 (UTC)

Life

• Having both images in this section align to the right feels redundant when the one in the lead also does so. I'd shift one of them to the left for some diversity.
  • Done - SchroCat (talk) 06:26, 13 July 2020 (UTC)
• File:Mothers and Babies welcome, Bunting, A school for mothers Wellcome L0007064.jpg seems A-OK
• Starting three consecutive sentences in the first paragraph with "She" feels monotonous.
  • Tweaked. - SchroCat (talk) 06:26, 13 July 2020 (UTC)
• If known, I would give the names of her six siblings. It definitely seems worth identifying the sister she lived with who became a nurse.
  • Not in any of the sources. - SchroCat (talk) 06:30, 13 July 2020 (UTC)
• To verify authenticity, it would be helpful to provide a source URL for File:Florence Petty, c. 1915.jpg
  • The image page on Commons carries the info. We couldn’t use the information here as it’s from a tabloid. It’s an odd situation being able to use the images but not quoting the source. - SchroCat (talk) 06:26, 13 July 2020 (UTC)
• See previous comments on "cheap" (this time found in "familiar and cheap ingredients")
  • Done - SchroCat (talk) 06:30, 13 July 2020 (UTC)
• Looks like a comma following "1910" within "Shortly after 1910 Petty was employed" is missing
  • No. Just not needed in BrEng. - SchroCat (talk) 06:26, 13 July 2020 (UTC)
• Adele Meyer's first name should be included, not hidden with a pipe per WP:EASTEREGG; we should opt for transparency with links. Furthermore, including the first name gives readers a better sense of who she is when this is the only time the subject is mentioned within article prose.
  • Added. It’s needless, given the title, and not and Easter egg, given she would have been called “Lady Meyer” by most people she met, outside close friends. I think this may be a cultural thing. - SchroCat (talk) 06:30, 13 July 2020 (UTC)
• "Petty wrote at least one pamphlet for the NFRA, on "Fireless Cookery"; a review in The Lancet describes a haybox as the method of cooking outlined in the pamphlet." feels like a rather long sentence. I'd split it by turning the semi-colon into a period.
  • Not too long. We’d be left with two fairly short sentences after that, which would be too choppy to read. - SchroCat (talk) 06:32, 13 July 2020 (UTC)
• "At the end of the war" should have a comma after "war"
  • See above on BrEng comma use. - SchroCat (talk) 06:26, 13 July 2020 (UTC)
• Both sentences in the second last paragraph are quite lengthy. These are also cases where I recommend separating them with their semi-colons becoming periods.
  • Done, although at least one of these Looks very stubby. - SchroCat (talk) 06:36, 13 July 2020 (UTC)
• Though I do understand where you're coming from with each point getting its own paragraph, retirement/death on its own is just a one-liner with two sentences, and not enough to stand on its own unless you can reasonably expand on it (e.g. what prompted her to stop working, how long she had bronchitis before dying).
  • As this is the final point of her life, I think we’re justified in the short paragraph here to keep clear of the description of her working life. - SchroCat (talk) 06:36, 13 July 2020 (UTC)
    • At the very least, if she died without ever marrying or having any children, then I would specify that here. The article currently gives no details on her family (or lack thereof) aside from naming parents and how she was one of seven children. SNUGGUMS (talk / edits) 21:43, 13 July 2020 (UTC)
      • It doesn't contain personal details because there are none in the sources, unfortunately. Take the question of marriage as a case in point: there is no reference to marriage or children in any of the sources– the area is just a void. Most DNB biographies I've seen of people who haven't married refer to the individual not marrying: for Petty there is just no reference to whether she married or not. I think we would be in breach of OR if we add that, given the absence of information in the sources. - SchroCat (talk) 10:28, 14 July 2020 (UTC)
        • Fair enough. Now passing the nomination! SNUGGUMS (talk / edits) 12:00, 14 July 2020 (UTC)

Works

• No problems!

Notes and references

• Not seeing any point in using "notes" in this title when the "notes" subsection is empty (thus serving no discernible purpose), and its "references" subsection should probably be renamed to avoid duplicate heading titles.
  • Yes - a legacy from an earlier edit. Now gone and renamed. - SchroCat (talk) 06:38, 13 July 2020 (UTC)
• I will assume good faith that all offline citations and those requiring subscriptions are credible and support the content attributed to them

Overall

• Prose: A bit of copyediting is needed
• Referencing: Citations look good
• Coverage: Did Petty ever marry or have children? Either way, let's make the matter explicit. I'd also try to implement something on how she contracted bronchitis (unless such information cannot be obtained).
• Neutrality: Bias is nowhere to be found
• Stability: Nothing of concern
• Media: One image could use a URL for verification
• Verdict: This nomination is on hold for seven days. If you can address all the remaining comments within that time, then I'll pass (and I have a feeling you'll be able to when the issues aren't major). SNUGGUMS (talk / edits) 01:15, 13 July 2020 (UTC)

• Many thanks SNUGGUMS, I'm much obliged to you. Cheers - SchroCat (talk) 12:09, 14 July 2020 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.