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GA Review

[edit]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.


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Reviewer: Cartoon network freak (talk · contribs) 22:54, 31 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

[edit]
  • Originating in the 1950s → Something can originate from a place or country, but not from a year
  • was welcomed by young audiences → was positively received

Characteristics

[edit]
  • Other authors[who?] → you can remove the 'who?'-tag, as it suffices here
  • artists: they may → artists—they may
  • pop settings combines → pop setting combine
  • celebrating sonic juxtapositions → is this a quote?; you can at least put the last two words in ""

History

[edit]
  • Grubb says that → Grubbs further explains that
  • in the mid 1960s was Welsh → in the mid 1960s were Welsh
  • studio, as composer Robert Ashley is quoted in 1966: "We → studio. Regarding to this, composer Robert Ashley is quoted in 1966; "We
  • happen. ... The → happen. [...] The
  • magic. ... We → magic. [...] We
  • Set comma after "Smiley Smile (1967)"
  • the album: "embrace[d] → remove ":"
  • was welcomed by young audiences → was positively received by young audiences
  • which he wrote "seemed → which he described as "[seeming]
  • which would be filled by → which would be later filled by
  • to create an album, Present Tense → to create their debut studio album, Present Tense
  • named an "experimental pop band" → referred to as an "experimental pop band"
  • Image > perform → performing
  • running throughout the UK → spell UK out an unlink it
  • of musician ex-Roxy Music member → of ex-Roxy Music member musician + wikilink the band here and not later
  • era's "most successful" experimental pop music → someone can't be music; change to "music" to "artists"
  • the key to his success → the key to their success
  • Pickard of the publication → "the" is overfluous
  • lucidity ... the → lucidity [...] the
  • session musicians, in addition → remove comma
  • He called it "a rock → He further called it "a rock
  • with showcasing an experimental → with showcasing an experimental
  • particularly that of artists such as → particularly released by artists such as
  • of the Animal Collective album → of Animal Collective's album
  • Collective ... it's necessary ... → Collective [...] it's necessary [...]

Notes

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  • 2 > elaborating: "Meek → elaborating; "Meek
  • 2 > sound. ... The → sound. [...]
  • 2 > who in 2009 created "The Joe Meek Award for Innovation in Production" → who found ... in 2009
  • 3 > time ... The → time [...] The
  • 3 > number 8 → number eight
  • 5 > era ... sounding → era [...] sounding

Outcome

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@Cartoon network freak: Done, thanks for all the suggestions.--Ilovetopaint (talk) 15:39, 5 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Gladly passing! Cartoon network freak (talk) 15:50, 5 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.