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Talk:Escape (Whodini album)/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: Homeostasis07 (talk · contribs) 19:50, 13 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]


  • Hi Andrzejbanas, I'll be reviewing this article. I figure I owe you one, after I mistakenly called you a genre-warrior at The Pale Emperor (my bad). I'll be gradually reading all of the article and all available sources over the next few hours. Might take a while, but I'd hope to have something here within a few hours. The six-month wait between your nomination and me reviewing is ridiculous, by the way. :( Homeostasis07 (talk) 19:50, 13 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Review

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GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

  • Lead:

The second paragraph feels a little clunky. Can we rephrase it to remove the repetition of "first hip-hop album" (it's repeated twice in two sentences). How about something like:

Homeostasis07 (talk) 23:35, 13 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Changed to your re-phrasing. Removed the parts in small though, as I imagine that is your commentary. :) Andrzejbanas (talk) 15:30, 14 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Production:

"After working on their first album, Whodini, the group toured Europe and made another tour with Kangol Kid and UTFO." This doesn't sound right. I'd suggest changing the first part of this sentence to "After the release of their debut album, Whodini..."—but the rest of the sentence is still a bit confusing. Looking at the source, I think Jalil is saying that they toured for 3 weeks and were then joined by Kangol Kid & UTFO "on the same European tour". so it shouldn't be "made another tour". Maybe the second part of the sentence should be: "the group embarked on a three-month European tour. Two-and-a-half weeks into this tour, they were joined by Kangol Kid and UTFO." Homeostasis07 (talk) 23:35, 13 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]

The first and second paragraphs feel a bit jumbled up. The first half of the first paragraph talks about the European tour, while the rest talks about recording sessions for Escape. Then the first half of the second paragraph talks about the European tour, then some more about recording sessions. This needs rearranging for readability. Homeostasis07 (talk) 23:35, 13 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Re-arranged the first part per your suggestion. Andrzejbanas (talk) 15:30, 14 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]

"The producer initially refused for financial reasons, but called Hutchins the following day saying that his guitarist needed money to pay a hospital bill." Hospital bill for what? Source says the guitarist had two of his fingertips ripped off (ouch). Homeostasis07 (talk) 23:35, 13 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]

  • Music:

Some minor grammatical errors (spelling mistakes: "indicateds" and "rauncy"-I'm assuming that was supposed to be "raunchy"? If not, please correct). I've been bold and fixed these myself. Homeostasis07 (talk) 23:35, 13 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]

That is correct. How'd I miss that? :) Andrzejbanas (talk) 15:30, 14 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]

"Nelson George described Escape's music as a style which "black radio embraces ... defin[ing] radio-friendly, singles-oriented hip hop versus hard-core, more rhyme-centered rap"; over time, the divide between the two became more pronounced." I don't really know what this means, and, with no access to the book, I have no idea what I could do with it. Homeostasis07 (talk) 23:35, 13 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Tried to re-phrase, is this a bit better? Andrzejbanas (talk) 15:30, 14 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Take your time, and thank you for reviewing this! Andrzejbanas (talk) 15:30, 14 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your patience, Andrzejbanas. Here's the final part of my review:

  • Release:
    • "According to the New York Times, before Escape Whodini had a large following in Britain and Europe; however, "Five Minutes of Funk" and "Freaks Come Out at Night" were now "heard almost constantly in New York dance clubs, as well as on local urban-contemporary radio stations"." This sentence is a bit confusing, until you read the NYT source. Maybe rephrase it to something like:


Also, keep in mind MOS:QUOTEMARKS: If the sentence you're quoting ends with a (.), then the . goes inside the quotation mark. This is also an issue in the Critical reception section. Homeostasis07 (talk) 20:14, 14 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Gotcha. I think I cleared up all of them now. :) Andrzejbanas (talk) 20:35, 14 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Critical reception:

Seems fine to me, with the exception of the quote punctuation mentioned above. A bit of overuse of the ; but that's not a problem for GA. Homeostasis07 (talk) 20:14, 14 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]

  • Track listing:

The song lengths of some of the bonus tracks appear to be wrong, according to both discogs and AllMusic. Track 9 should be 5:20, not 1:46 / track 11 should be 3:38, not 1:46 / track 13 should be 4:45, not 5:44. Homeostasis07 (talk) 20:14, 14 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Whups. Correct again. Okay, these have been changed. Andrzejbanas (talk) 20:35, 14 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Charts and certifications:

No problems here. Homeostasis07 (talk) 20:14, 14 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]

  • Personnel:

Should be between the Track listing and Charts sections, according to MOS:ALBUM. I personally have no preference, and think every album is different so there shouldn't be any set rules about where certain sections should be. It's fine where it is, but if you'd prefer to move it. Homeostasis07 (talk) 20:14, 14 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]

I think I like it there too. I find things like credits and song titles match well together..in my head at least. It is kind of like listening to the record or looking at its sleeve at the same time. Y'know? I think I'm okay with where it is, but it needs to be moved, I'm not that upset about that either. Andrzejbanas (talk) 20:35, 14 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]

It's a fine looking article, Andrzejbanas. Well sourced and well written, album cover has valid fair-use rationale, all other images are creative commons. Pending some of these changes above, I'd have no hesitation promoting this to good article status. Homeostasis07 (talk) 20:14, 14 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Awesome! I think I've covered everything. Thanks for taking the time to review it. Hope it is good to go now. Andrzejbanas (talk) 20:35, 14 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks Andrzejbanas. The article looks great. You might have noticed I made a few minor changes, but that was just for my own benefit. I believe that the article easily passes GA, and I'm happily promoting it as such. Well done, and great work. This was by far the easiest, most painless GA review I've ever done. Thank you for that. ;) Homeostasis07 (talk) 19:07, 15 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]

This stuff

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GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:

Well done! Homeostasis07 (talk) 19:07, 15 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]

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