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Talk:Eli Parsons Royce/GA1

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GA Review

[edit]

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Reviewer: MWright96 (talk · contribs) 09:01, 4 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Taking this review for the GAN October 2020 Backlog Drive. MWright96 (talk) 09:01, 4 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:

Infobox

[edit]
  • Royce's occupation should begin with a capital letter

Lead

[edit]
  • Clarify Royce was American in the first sentence
  • "and considered the founder of Escanaba." - and is considered

Early life

[edit]
  • "Royce was born in Clinton, New York, November 29, 1820." - on November 29
  • "Phinehas Royce, was a Quaker and born in Massachusetts." - Perhaps make the text in bold a little shorter like was a Massachusetts-born Quaker?
  • I think the second and third sentences can be merged together
  • "Royce is their fourth son." - shouldn't it be was?

Career

[edit]
  • Consider merging the first two sentences of the first paragraph
  • Use the convert template on the miles measurements
  • "like being able" - such as
  • "After some time," - how much time exactly?
  • "He also taught school for two years." - I'm not sure what is meant by this sentence. Does it mean he taught at a particular school for this period?
  • "He got various jobs in Chicago then from 1840 - 1842." - from 1840 to 1842.
  • "and worked with him." - what sort of work did Royce do with the Mayor of Chicago?
  • "He later returned in the summer of 1849" - per MOS:SEASONS, using seasons to refer to a particular time of the year is not recommended
  • "built west to the" - of the
  • "and married to Sarah J. Barras," - a word is missing between "and" and "married"
  • "There he studied law" - did Royce study law at a particular institution?
  • Upper Peninsula is linked twice
  • "and is considered the founder" - considered by whom?

Death

[edit]
  • "Royce died May 26, 1912, at the age of 91." - died on May 26,
  • Detroit Free Press states he died on the morning of May 26, 1912 from old age

References

[edit]
  • References 6 and 13 are duplicates; only one is needed
  • The hyphen in the title of Reference 12 can be replaced by an en dash (–) per MOS:DASH

Will put the review on hold to allow the nominator to address or query the points raised above. MWright96 (talk) 10:18, 4 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]