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Talk:Edward G. Faile/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: Eddie891 (talk · contribs) 23:11, 6 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Hi, I will review this article. Shortly. Eddie891 Talk Work 23:11, 6 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Comments
  • "was a New York tea and sugar" One cannot be "a New York". They can be "an American", or "a tea and sugar... [based/who lived/something else] in New York"
Hmmm. The sentence made sense to me as written, but your suggestion works too, so I've rewritten it that way.
  • "The location of the Faile mansion, Woodside" why the italics?
I was following the style of some of the sources I used, which put it in quotes, and we generally render that as italics in modern typography. I have no strong opinion on this. Italics deleted.
  • I've condensed the article into bigger paragraphs and lightly copyedited, please check to see that the changes are acceptable to you
That looks good
  • "whose daughter, Ann Delia, he would marry in 1821" recommend splitting into a separate sentence to avoid losing focus
Done.
  • "brother Thomas was a governor, and Edward a member," suggest rephrasing to "Edward was a member and his brother Thomas a governor"
Done.
  • "n 1856 and 1882, son Thomas H." whose son?
Clarified.
  • "(sources differ)" perhaps clarify what sources, but not a big deal
I'm going to leave this one as is. The important point is that historical details are hazy; which source said which date seems less critical. There's two dates given, and two sources at the end of the sentence, so people can dig into the sources if they want.
  • "at the peak of the market" suggest clarifying what the market was, maybe "as the tea market peaked"
I'm inclined to leave this one as is. He was purchasing tea, so it should be obvious it was the tea market. I tried rewriting it as "large purchase of tea stocks at the height of the tea market", but the repetition reads awkwardly.
  • "the business failed due" perhaps it 'closed' or 'went bankrupt' or something else? can you be more specific?
The source says, "... failed to-day ...", and talks about making "an assignment". I'm not an expert on finance, even less so on 19th century finance, so I think saying something like "went bankrupt" would be WP:OR. Is "making an assignment" the same as "going bankrupt"? Beats me. Seems safest to just use the wording in the source.
  • "assembled between " maybe "expanded"?
Done.
  • "described as having an "imposing array of Doric columns"," by who?
Fixed citation
  • "The suit found" presumably it wasn't the suit, but the court
Fixed.
  • "were held at St. Ann's Church" which one?
I think this is OK. The previous paragraph uses the full name ("St. Ann's Church in Morrisania") and links to the article about it.
  • "On March 29, 1865, his daughter Caroline married Dr. James H. Anderson. On October 19 the same year, another daughter, Harriet, married John A. Crane. Both weddings were held at Woodside." What's the value of mentioning these?
Graywalls asked the same question :-) Deleted. Maybe the paragraph about Thomas H. visiting the Middle East is similar and should also be deleted?
I'd say probably. Eddie891 Talk Work 01:22, 7 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Done. -- RoySmith (talk) 17:25, 7 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

These are my initial comments, all should be treated as suggestions rather than imparatives and I'm happy to discuss any or all in more detail. More rounds of commenting to follow. Eddie891 Talk Work 23:55, 6 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Sourcing
Hadn't found that one, thanks. I'll see if there's anything useful in it.
  • [1] might make a good external link?
I already use that as a reference.
Whoops!
  • America's Successful Men of Affairs may have some additional information, right off the bat I notice it providing a specific birth date. Haven't looked more at it
Wow, can't believe I missed seeing that. Added.

More

[edit]
  • You describe him as "a tea and sugar importer" in the first sentence, yet don't mention sugar in the body at all, only mention tea in conjunction with his business after he retired and only mention importing in relation to cattle. This strikes me as odd. In fact, I only find 'tea and sugar importer' cited in The Bronx, in Bits and Pieces. In fact, that source is published by 'Rooftop Publishing', which might be a self-publishing site. their website advertises that they are here to help you produce books and lets anyone submit a piece. Additionally, the publisher cited by Google Books is AuthorHouse, definitely a self-publishing org.
Added a paragraph, cited to the US Congressional Record (a primary source, but certainly reliable). I'll see if I can find a better source to replace the Rooftop book.
Removed the wording specific to tea and sugar.
  • You never cite his middle name in the article
Fixed.
  • America's Successful Men of Affairs mentions him giving Richard March Hoe an idea for some sort of invention, might worth be mentioning
I originally had that, but took it out in in Special:Diff/979650647. Take a look at the diff; if you think it's worth-while, I'll be happy to put it back in.
I think it would be worth adding. Doesn't hold up passage either way.
  • You can specify marriage to December 8, it's given in America's Successful Men of Affairs
Done.
  • I think that The Cultivator is much more fluff than substance, but it would still make a nice external link, I think
Added
  • Image licencing looks good
  • No evident copyvio or close paraphrasing
  • the sourcing I checked lines up
  • what makes cite #2 reliable? Also, it doesn't cite The family moved to the United States in 1801, settling in the town of East Chester.
Deleted that source, #1 cites those facts so using that.
  • The title of source #7 is not Edward G. Gail Building ( it's Edward G. Faile)
Fixed.
  • have you considered redlinking his brother? Seems that he may be as notable as edward.
Hmmm. I thought redlinks were a no-no. What's really annoying about Thomas is I found a painting of him, but I can't find one of Edward :-) In any case, done.
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