Talk:Edward B. Barry/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Djmaschek (talk · contribs) 21:58, 29 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Initial review

I plan to GA review this article. Djmaschek (talk) 21:58, 29 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

It is reasonably well written.
a. (prose, spelling, and grammar):
Review 1
@DatGuy: There are a few distractions at home right now, so I haven't been able to work on this. In a day or two, I should be up to speed. Djmaschek (talk) 22:10, 3 April 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Early life: Macedonian and Savannah should have the prefix USS. Done

Early career, paragraph 1: Sabine should have the prefix USS. Done GA reviewer fixed this.
Here are six more bullet points. Djmaschek (talk) 03:48, 4 April 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Early career, paragraph 2: "during the blockade of Callao" (Give the year please.) "Witnessed the sinking" (Use "scuttling" since that was what happened.) Done

Early career, paragraph 2: "negotiating with Governor-General ... Casado" (Please add "of Puerto Rico". Otherwise, a reader might assume Cuba.) Done

As commanding officer, paragraph 1: Marcellus should have the prefix USS. Done -It's a mere collier, yet it's US Navy.

As commanding officer, paragraph 1: "On leaving the yard, the Brooklyn Eagle wrote that "with the departure for Norfolk of the battleship Kentucky to-morrow morning, one of the best liked officers who have ever did duty there will leave the Navy Yard". (This quote is from a 1906 newspaper account, so it needs to be moved to the end of paragraph 3, when Barry commanded the Kentucky.) Done

As commanding officer, paragraph 2: "sailors under the Vicksburg". (Change "under" to "from".) Done

As commanding officer, paragraph 4: "Following a lackluster stint at the helm". (Replace "at the helm" with "in command". Normally, "at the helm" can mean "in command". But, the previous sentence referred to a problem caused by a helmsman, and we don't want readers to think Barry was a mere helmsman.) Done
@DatGuy: Here are hopefully my last suggested edits. Djmaschek (talk) 22:07, 4 April 2023 (UTC)[reply]
As commanding officer, paragraph 4: "...in a fleet with four other ships". (I think "fleet" is the wrong word. Suggest: "in a squadron" or "in company".) Accepted

As commanding officer, paragraph 4: Alabama should have the prefix USS. Not done -In the same sentence, Kearsarge has USS, but Alabama does not.

As commanding officer, paragraph 5: Please include Uriel Sebree's rank. Done

C-in-C, US Pacific fleet, paragraph 1: West Virginia should have the prefix USS. Done

C-in-C, US Pacific fleet, paragraph 1: Please include Giles G. Harber's rank. Done GA reviewer enclosed "Giles G. Harber" in commas.

C-in-C, US Pacific fleet, paragraph 1: "by an English Bull Terrier who served as mascot of the USS Colorado named "Bunk"...". (Awkward wording: Move 'named Bunk' after 'English Bull Terrier'.) Done
b. (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a. (reference section):

b. (citations to reliable sources):

c. (OR):

d. (copyvio and plagiarism):
It is broad in its coverage.
a. (major aspects):

b. (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a. (images are tagged and non-free content have non-free use rationales):

b. (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/fail:

(Criteria marked are unassessed)

@Djmaschek: I'm not a subject matter expert, but I was under the impression that "USS" must be used when first introducing a ship, and thereafter it can be referred to without the USS. Is this notion incorrect? DatGuy^Talk_Contribs 08:49, 5 April 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Regarding "in a fleet with four other ships", I followed the wording used here: "Of a fleet of five battleships..." The rest, excluding the query above, is done. DatGuy^Talk_Contribs 09:24, 5 April 2023 (UTC)[reply]
@DatGuy: You are correct about using USS only the first time a specific US Navy ship is mentioned. I overlooked the fact that you used USS prefixes for Vicksburg and Kentucky in the introduction. However, there are a number of US Navy vessels that still need the USS prefix. I know this seems tiresome, but we need to be consistent. See "Not done" items above.
@Djmaschek: No worries. I've performed the requested USS changes. Regarding capitalising rear admiral before Giles B. Harber in the CINCPACFLT section, I'm not sure of the correct term to use but think of the sentence being "he succeeded the retiring rear admiral (who is Giles B. Harber)" rather than referring specifically to Giles and using rear admiral as a title. If that makes sense. DatGuy^Talk_Contribs 12:58, 6 April 2023 (UTC)[reply]
@DatGuy: GA class. I made two minor updates. Thank you for your interesting article submission about a successful but controversial individual. Djmaschek (talk) 19:47, 10 April 2023 (UTC)[reply]