Talk:Ed, Edd n Eddy season 1/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Gen. Quon (talk · contribs) 19:08, 19 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

OK, here's what I've got:

Intro: "…who hang around in a suburban cul-de-sac." This seems a little colloquial. How about "…who spend time in a suburban cul-de-sac." or "…who live in a suburban cul-de-sac."
Done.
Intro: "confectionery; jawbreakers." This should be a colon instead of a semi-colon
Done.
Intro: "Dared to produce a childrens cartoon, adult cartoonist Antonucci concieved Ed, Edd n Eddy while working on a commercial design." I'm not sure what this sentence means. I think 'dared' is kind of an odd choice. I would just ditch the first clause so that it reads: "Adult cartoonist Antonucci concieved Ed, Edd n Eddy while working on a commercial design."
Done.
The first paragraph of "Concept and creation" is entirely without sources. Surely there's a synopsis somewhere online that can be used to verify this.
Concept and creation: "Having grown tired of working as an animator on various children cartoons for Hanna-Barbera, cartoonist Danny Antonucci, bothered by people thinking animation is only for children, went on to create gross and edgy adult work such as his short Lupo the Butcher and his MTV series The Brothers Grunt." Rephrase into: "Cartoonist Danny Antonucci, who had worked as an animator on various children cartoons for Hanna-Barbera, was bothered by people thinking animation is only for children. In turn, he decided to create edgy adult work such as his short Lupo the Butcher and his MTV series The Brothers Grunt." I would can the use of 'gross', as it's kind of POV
Done.
Production: The section "An affirmative response from Cartoon Network president Betty Cohen, the legal paperwork and deal-making began, followed by a start-up meeting was at the Chateau Marmont Hotel in Los Angeles, where a deal was made that Antonucci's studio, a.k.a. Cartoon, would produce Ed, Edd n Eddy the first Cartoon Network original series to be produced by an outside production company rather than Cartoon Network's Hanna-Barbera, and also marked the first time the studio's original series would enter production before a seven-minute short." needs to be rephrased into -> "After an affirmative response from Cartoon Network president Betty Cohen, the legal paperwork and deal-making began, followed by a start-up meeting was at the Chateau Marmont Hotel in Los Angeles. A deal was made that Antonucci's studio, a.k.a. Cartoon, would produce Ed, Edd n Eddy the first Cartoon Network original series to be produced by an outside production company rather than Cartoon Network's Hanna-Barbera. The series also entered production and by-passed a seven-minute short; this marked the first time that one of the studio's original series had ever done this."
Done.
Production: "Antonucci also showed the theme song" How does one 'show' a song? :P Was it on paper, or did he play it? If it was the latter, rewrite to "Antonucci also played the theme song for the network executives" or whoever heard it.
Done.
Production: whisseled -> whistled, this is spelled wrong twice
Done.
Production: "Antonucci, an advocate of hand-drawn animation, wanted to ensure Ed, Edd n Eddy was produced in a way similar to the cartoons from the 1940s to the 1970s; the season started off a series which was the last to use cel animation; the cels were shipped to Korea for creating the initial animation, and then later edited back at Antonucci's a.k.a. Cartoon studio." Rephrase to: "Antonucci, an advocate of hand-drawn animation, wanted to ensure Ed, Edd n Eddy was produced in a manner similar to the cartoons from the 1940s to the 1970s. As a result, the series was the last to use cel animation; the cels were shipped to Korea for creating the initial animation, and then later edited back at Antonucci's studio."
Done.
Production et al: Everytime you mention "Antonucci's a.k.a. Cartoon studio", you should just say "Antonucci's" or "Cartoon" studio.
Done.
Cast: In the photo of Fitzgerald, you should probably read the cite for the "very particular" reference.
Cast: "The other two Kanker sisters…" Before this line, who else were the Kanker sisters?
Done.
Note: The note is note really needed, as it is just a "what if" scenario. I would remove it, as it didn't happen, and is thus not notable. If it had happened, it would have been something to note.
Done.
Reviews: The section that goes '"Every bit of the show is played for the maximum comic effect, and the interactions between the characters are usually very fun.", and particularly…" has a very awkward and grammatically unsound transition (.",) that needs to be fixed. Also, I would end every quote with a citation, just so we know where they are coming from.
Done.
Popular culture: "Season one, which premiered in January 1999, is doing remarkably well in the ratings. Every now and then the Cartoon Network produces a show that has an impact on popular culture or day-to-day life." I would cut this sentence complete. You already stated that it has had an impact on popular culture, and several sections above you discussed ratings.
Done.
Popular culture: I would add "During the run of the first season…" to the beginning of the sentence, "A number of fansite were already being set up."
Done.
References: Reference No. 17 needs to have IGN in it somewhere.
Done.
References: Reference No. 21 news an en dash (–) instead of a normal dash (-)
Done.
References: Reference No. 24: This is pretty much original research, as the title of the show is not reference, but alluded at. If you can find a third-party source that confirms this is an Ed, Edd n Eddy reference, it can certainly stay, but as of right now, I'd say it should be removed.
Done.
References: The 23 reference to "CartoonNetworkShop" is dead.
Fixed.

These are the big issues. The images and sources look fine. The main issue I ran into is prose. If you would like to take this further, I would suggest another copyedit, as there is quite a bit of awkward prose that is probably still hiding. I tried to clean up the minor stuff, but once the above issues are fixed, it should be good to pass.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 21:09, 19 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Excellent. The work looks good. I will pass this.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 23:25, 20 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]