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Reviewer: Sportsfan77777 (talk · contribs) 16:55, 24 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewing "the newest Grand Slam champion", 'There's no "i" in Thiem', and "I would like to thank my Thiem." Sportsfan77777 (talk) 16:55, 24 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

My preliminary comment is that some of the yearly summaries should be more concise. Here are the current word counts for each of Thiem's years versus some similarly accomplished players:

Dominic Thiem
Year 2014 2015 2016 2017 2018 2019 2020
Words 604 496 1221 925 855 655 645
Alexander Zverev
Year(s) 2011+ 2015 2016 2017 2018 2019
Words 465 361 570 538 563 441
Simona Halep
Year(s) 2006+ 2011+ 2013 2014 2015 2016 2017 2018 2019
Words 428 362 435 490 444 417 510 722 424

In general, I would aim for between 400 to 600 words per section, with maybe one or two exceptions for years with a lot of big or first accomplishments. Right now, only one of Thiem's sections is less than 600 words, while 2016, 2017, and 2018 are all way above that, and even 2019 and 2020 are pushing it a little.

The most basic thing that you can cut is that there are too many tournaments that list all of the opponents Thiem faced. Most individual matches aren't important. Even lower-level tournaments are not necessarily important either.

A lot of the article is well-written, but with the level of detail, the highlights of each season don't stand out so easily. Sportsfan77777 (talk) 19:13, 24 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

You're absolutely right, they were still too long, I've had a go at cutting them all down and now we're at:
Dominic Thiem
Year 2014 2015 2016 2017 2018 2019 2020
Words 497 471 633 593 573 535 471
2016 is still a little long, but it has quite a few of his firsts, hopefully that's ok? Ym2X (talk) 22:22, 25 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Okay, I'm back. I think the lengths look much better, good job! I haven't totally looked through it yet, but it seems doesn't seem overly detailed anymore. Sportsfan77777 (talk) 21:45, 14 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Some other bigger or more general comments:

  • The tournament names shouldn't include the sponsor name. (This comes up a bunch of times.)
 Done Ym2X (talk) 01:09, 28 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • The yearly sections are still a little hard to get through because most if not all of them could use a brief summary -- probably at the beginning, or possibly at the end. As some examples:
  • "Halep played almost exclusively WTA Tour events in 2011."
  • "Halep maintained a steady ranking throughout 2012, rising no higher than No. 37, falling no lower than No. 63, and finishing the year at No. 47 for the second consecutive year."
  • "Halep had a slow start to the year, only winning multiple matches at a tournament once before May."
  • "Halep greatly improved her Grand Slam results in 2014. "
  • "Halep had a strong start to 2015, reaching at least the quarterfinals in her first six events."
  • "After turning professional in September 2008 until the end of 2010, Raonic played both singles and doubles, primarily at ITF Futures and ATP Challenger tournaments."
  • "The first two months of 2011 represented a significant breakthrough for Raonic, as he rose from No. 156 at the beginning of January to No. 37 by the end of February."
  • "His only significant result in the latter half of 2011 after returning from injury was a semifinal appearance at the Stockholm Open, where he lost to Gaël Monfils."
  • "Raonic began 2012 with titles in two of his first three tournaments, starting with his second ATP title at the Chennai Open in India."
  • "In all four 2013 Grand Slam tournaments, Raonic matched his previous best result."
  • "He was one of just three players to reach the quarterfinals or better at seven of the nine ATP 1000 tournaments.[129] Raonic finished with a career-high total of 1107 aces in 2014. At the time, this was the fifth highest single-year ace total in history." Sportsfan77777 (talk) 21:45, 14 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
 Done Ym2X (talk) 01:09, 28 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • You could add a rivalry section. I imagine Nadal is Thiem's main rival (see [1] and [2]). Djokovic, Federer, and Zverev are probably also noteworthy. Some articles with good examples of rivalry sections are Milos Raonic, Kim Clijsters, and Sloane Stephens.
 Done, though may need to add Medvedev/Tsitsipas when/if they have more important matches together, at the moment I don't think there's enough for them though Ym2X (talk) 01:09, 28 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • You could add an endorsements/sponsors section.
 Done I'm working on this, but finding decent sources is difficult, will try and finish in the next couple of days Ym2X (talk) 01:09, 28 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
added Ym2X (talk) 23:28, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • The lead is a bit short. You could add a third paragraph and briefly talk about playing style and/or awards for instance.
 Done Ym2X (talk) 01:09, 28 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Outside of those comments, I think it's just a matter of copyediting after that. Sportsfan77777 (talk) 21:45, 14 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I've also changed the career statistics to resemble Stefanos Tsitsipas and Alexander Zverev's articles since they are good articles, and I prefer that layout on reflection and it makes it, in my opinion, simpler (I can change it back if you disagree)
I'll have another read through for errors tomorrow and try and find anything I've missed. Ym2X (talk) 01:09, 28 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@Ym2X and Sportsfan77777: This review has been inactive for three weeks now. Have either of you still got work to do on it? REDMAN 2019 (talk) 18:37, 19 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Ym2X has been waiting for me to continue the review. I haven't had time lately, but I should have more time now. Sportsfan77777 (talk) 04:37, 20 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Ok. REDMAN 2019 (talk) 12:41, 20 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Section-by-section comments:

Lead

[edit]
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • which he first achieved on 2 March 2020 <<<=== I don't think you need the exact date.
 Done left it at month and year, but could take out date entirely. Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • and in doubles is No. 67, which he achieved on 7 October 2019 <<<=== This isn't important enough for the lead. He is generally not a doubles player.
 Done Removed from lead Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • German Alexander Zverev <<<=== probably don't need to specify German
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • At 1.85 m (6 ft 1 in) <<<=== (add ",")
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Early life

[edit]
  • This section covers the main things, but my guess is with Thiem's success, you could make it at least twice as long.
 Partly done I haven't found good sources for much detail for this section, I've added a sentence about the backhand change, but there's not much else, I could add about him being friends with Denis Novak since childhood [1] but not sure how relevant that is? Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Juniors

[edit]
  • If he reached a career-high ranking before the French Open runner-up, he must have done a few interesting things before then.
 Done, expanded the section. Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • ITF Junior ranking ===>>> ITF Junior Circuit ranking (or ITF junior ranking)
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Boys' should be lowercase
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

2011–13

[edit]
  • Link Kitzbühel, Bangkok and Vienna to the respective tournaments
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • You could write out his 2012 tournaments in a similar manner. He only had one match win that year.
 Done Added Vienna first round win. Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Make a note about Muster coming out of retirement, and clarify who he is
 Done let me know if it's worded ok. Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • in three tough sets ===>>> in a close three-set match (not all of the sets were tough)
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

2014

[edit]
  • Link Masters 1000.
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

2015

[edit]
  • 3-6 in matches ===>>> 3–6 in matches (wrong dash)
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • 2015 French Open ===>>> French Open
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Either "Grand Slam" is always capitalized or always lowercase. I think we usually do capitalized.
 Done throughout the article. Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • ATP World Tour ===>>> ATP Tour (At least two instances, and it's fine to use the current name.)
 Done throughout. Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

2016

[edit]
  • a first at ATP 500 level ===>>> a first at the ATP 500 level
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • same for "at grand slam level"
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • fourth ATP title <<<=== you don't need to link ATP here
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • ATP 250 final in Munich <<<=== This isn't the first time ATP 250 is mentioned. It shouldn't be linked here, it should be linked here earlier.
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • win three titles on three different surfaces ===>>> win ATP titles on three different surfaces
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Thiem qualified for the ATP Finals for the first time losing his opening match to Novak Djokovic before he scored a win against Gaël Monfils, but was eliminated in the round robin stage following a loss to Milos Raonic. <<<=== Split this into two sentences.
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • his first time inside the top ten ===>>> his first time finishing inside the top ten (also, this should be cited with his ranking history. the current citation doesn't mention this.)
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

2017

[edit]
  • First Masters-1000 final ===>>> First Masters 1000 final (in the section title)
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • he met Stan Wawrinka, losing a final set tie-breaker <<<=== just "tiebreak" (this is a recurring problem in the article, not just here)
 Done fixed throughout. Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • 12th ATP tour final <<<=== ATP Tour
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • he was stunned by qualifier Ramkumar Ramanathan <<<=== "upset" ("stunned" is too extreme)
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • During the round robin stage ATP Finals ===>>> During the round robin stage of the ATP Finals
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

2018

[edit]
  • end of the 2018 tennis season ===>>> end of the tennis season
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • mid-February 2018 ===>>> mid-February
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • hairline-fracture-ankle ===>>> hairline fracture ankle
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • In a shocking start to the match, ===>>> In a surprising one-sided start to the match,
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Then at the Paris Masters, Thiem was seeded sixth ===>>> Then at the Paris Masters, Thiem was seeded sixth, (add ",")
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

2019

[edit]
  • Masters-1000 title ===>>> Masters 1000 title (in the section title)
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • World No. 4 ===>>> world No. 4
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Dušan Lajović in the third round, ===>>> Dušan Lajović in the third round.
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • in his two set win ===>>> in his win (it's redundant)
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Russian Daniil Medvedev <<<=== don't need to specify Russian
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • steamed to victory, taking the third and fourth sets ===>>> won the the third and fourth sets to take the match. ("steamed" is too much)
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • At the US Open he lost to Thomas Fabbiano in the first round in four sets ===>>> At the US Open he lost to Thomas Fabbiano in the first round in four sets, his second first-round Grand Slam loss in a row.
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

2020

[edit]
  • Thiem was one of many players to arrive early at Indian Wells to defend his 2019 title, where he also planned to play doubles with Grigor Dimitrov.[145][146] However, due to the COVID-19 pandemic the 2020 Indian Wells Masters was postponed.[147] Shortly afterward the ATP Tour was suspended for six weeks which was extended through July 2020. <<<=== Shorten this. You just need to say the tour was suspended through July.
 Done changed to "Thiem arrived early at Indian Wells to defend his 2019 title. However, due to the COVID-19 pandemic the 2020 Indian Wells Masters was postponed. Shortly afterward the ATP Tour was suspended until July." Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • at the Cincinnati Masters in New York ===>>> at the Cincinnati Masters in New York,
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Alex De Minaur ===>>> Alex de Minaur
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • in the quarter finals ===>>> in the quarterfinals
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • with the gap between Čilic and Thiem's wins being the longest between two new Grand Slam singles champions in the history of men's tennis <<<=== the source doesn't say this.
 Done Removed that line, and swapped the order of 157 and 158 so that they now support the correct statements. Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Rivalries

[edit]
  • , Thiem trails 6–9, <<<=== The first "," should be a ";". The second one shouldn't be there. (this is true for the other subsections as well.)
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Thiem went on beat Nadal ===>>> Thiem went on to beat Nadal
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • at the 2019 ATP Finals, Thiem again prevailed in two sets this time ===>>> at the 2019 ATP Finals, Thiem again prevailed in two sets.
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • in Nicebefore <<<=== spelling
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Bejing later <<<=== spelling
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • this time Thiem wining <<<=== spelling
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Playing style

[edit]
  • Add that Thiem often returns serve from hundreds of miles behind the baseline.
 Done Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Personal life

[edit]
  • Okay.

Overall

[edit]
  • There are still a lot of places where I would suggest adding commas, in addition to what is suggested above.
  • Most of what I wrote above is just line-by-line copyediting.
  • The main bigger comments are to expand the early life section and junior section.

Looks much better! The grammar is not perfect, but it's fine for a GA. Placing on hold, but no rush. Sportsfan77777 (talk) 00:02, 21 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the copyediting, I have expanded the junior section quite significantly, but the Early life section is still on the small side as I haven't found any sources with anything in depth.
Okay, that's fine. Sportsfan77777 (talk) 21:06, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
On the endorsements/sponsors section you mentioned in the first round of comments, I have written a draft of the section in my User:Ym2X/sandbox, I'm not sure whether it's worth including, let me know what you think. Ym2X (talk) 15:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
I think it's worth adding. (minor comment: take out the word "currently") Sportsfan77777 (talk) 21:06, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Ok, I've added the section. Ym2X (talk) 23:28, 2 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

I'll pass it now, excellent work!! Sportsfan77777 (talk) 05:06, 3 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

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