Talk:Diane Guerrero/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Jaguar (talk · contribs) 22:19, 6 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I'll have this to you by tomorrow JAGUAR 22:19, 6 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Initial comments

Per WP:LEADCITE, citations are generally discouraged from the lead unless it is citing controversial information. I think it would be safe to lose the two citations from the birth date
- Moved citation.--TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 02:48, 9 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]
The lead needs to be expanded in order to summarise the article. At the moment it is far too short and more content could easily be added
- What further content do you feel should be highlighted?--TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 04:19, 9 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  - Just something a little more about the Background and Career sections, TonyTheTiger. Once the lead develops into a larger paragraph I think this article should be good to go JAGUAR 20:37, 9 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]
    - I am unable to figure out how to expand the current content too much, but have added a little.--TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 01:33, 10 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"The deportation happened without warning causing Guerrero to come home one day to a partially cooked dinner and an empty home" - this sentence is a run-on and sounds informal towards the end. Does the reader really need to know she came home to a partially cooked dinner!
- Fixed.--TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 02:59, 9 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"While Guerrero was able to make her way" - what does this mean?
- revised.--TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 02:01, 9 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"her toddler niece grew up without a family support system and ended up in jail" - her toddler niece ended up in jail?
- revised.--TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 02:01, 9 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"She was raised in the Jamaica Plain and Roxbury neighborhoods in Boston" - of Boston
- Done.--TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 02:01, 9 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"In 2010, she appeared in the Faces; she is also in the single music video that was shot in Norwood, Massachusetts for Louie Bello" - this should be split into two different sentences if they're referring to different things
- I think this was one thing.--TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 02:20, 9 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"She auditioned for a role on Devious Maids, but ended up with a role on Orange is the New Black" - could be rephrased
- Fixed.--TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 02:04, 9 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"Her performance as Amanda ("Mandy") Nevins, an adopted teenage child, elicited positive criticism" - is this her role in Emotican ;)?
- Fixed.--TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 02:11, 9 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]
She has been cast in The CW's upcoming series Jane the Virgin in a recurring role" - this is outdated, the series is no longer upcoming
- Updated.--TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 02:13, 9 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

On hold

There are some prose issues and unencyclopaedic content that prevent this from meeting the GA criteria at this time but I'll put this on hold for the standard seven days until all of the above can be addressed. The most important issue is the length of the lead, and if possible, an expansion on some parts of the article would be great. The references all appear to be fine. Thanks! JAGUAR 19:34, 8 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Close - promoted

Thanks for that. I think that because this is a short and compact article the lead already summarises the two sections despite being short. Other than the the article is well researched and the references are reliable. Well done! JAGUAR 16:15, 10 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]