Talk:Diamonds from Sierra Leone/GA1
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Reviewer: Zmbro (talk · contribs) 15:58, 22 September 2021 (UTC)
Eh, why not. – zmbro (talk) 15:58, 22 September 2021 (UTC)
- Thank you for taking on this large article, I have left comments in response on "Coldest Winter" if you have anything to tell me in reply! --K. Peake 16:02, 22 September 2021 (UTC)
- Kyle Peake, Cool Almost done with this review, so don't comment until I'm finished. – zmbro (talk) 16:59, 22 September 2021 (UTC)
- Zmbro Good to see you are done now, I'll look when I get home and have you made your mind up about the other GAN? --K. Peake 17:29, 22 September 2021 (UTC)
- Kyle Peake, Cool Almost done with this review, so don't comment until I'm finished. – zmbro (talk) 16:59, 22 September 2021 (UTC)
Good Article review progress box
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Infobox and lead
[edit]- I don't think the (originally "Diamonds") doesn't appear necessary
Not done it is fine to note original titles in brackets when they are not mentioned elsewhere in the lead --K. Peake 19:59, 22 September 2021 (UTC)
- "With the exception of Brion, the producers served as songwriters for it alongside" → "The producers, with the exception of Brion, are credited as songwriters alongside"
- "who both received credit due to having written work that is sampled." this is worded weird. I'd try something different
Done by changing to their composition, if this works? --K. Peake 19:59, 22 September 2021 (UTC)
- Do you think it's necessary to mention "Diamonds Are Forever" was a James Bond theme? Just wondering
- No, I don't really think this is notable for the lead. --K. Peake 19:59, 22 September 2021 (UTC)
- "A Jay-Z–featuring remix" → "A remix featuring Jay-Z"
Done with changes --K. Peake 19:59, 22 September 2021 (UTC)
- "The remix samples Bassey's "Diamonds Are Forever"" why is this here? To me, this implies the original doesn't.
- Reworded, as it is notable due to making it clear that both sample the song. --K. Peake 19:59, 22 September 2021 (UTC)
- "sees Jay-Z rapping in the second part." the second part of what? Do you mean the second verse?
- The source itself says the second part, so isn't this acceptable? --K. Peake 19:59, 22 September 2021 (UTC)
- Shouldn't it be mentioned in the lead that the remix is on the album while the original appears as a bonus track?
- I don't think info like exact placements on albums is notable for the lead, so not really. --K. Peake 19:59, 22 September 2021 (UTC)
Background and recording
[edit]- Could we add that image of Jon Brion for flair? Section feels empty
- "produced for and while watching 2004 film" → "produced for; while watching the 2004 film"
- "hip hop project, and the decision" feels like a comma splice → hip hop project; the decision
- "for 1971" → "for the 1971"
Done for the above --K. Peake 19:59, 22 September 2021 (UTC)
- "John Barry and Don Black also received songwriting credits since they wrote singer Shirley Bassey's titular theme song for 1971 James Bond film Diamonds Are Forever, which is sampled." This whole sentence should be reworded to read that because of the sample they received credits.
Done but they were not the actual performers on the song so it is hard for this to not sound awkward, though does it work? --K. Peake 19:59, 22 September 2021 (UTC)
- I'm confused, who cleared the sample then if Bassey didn't know about it? The songwriters?
- It is not officially reported who cleared the sample, though the law specialist's mention of West likely gaining permission from one of her representatives delivers significant insight. --K. Peake 08:12, 23 September 2021 (UTC)
Composition and lyrics
[edit]- Add a small description for Dave Tozer. Had to click on his page to learn who he was.
Release and reception
[edit]- Section seems a little quote-heavy. Maybe try to paraphrase a little bit, especially instances where only one word is put in quotes
Music video
[edit]- "He elaborated that the content "gives you a timeless feel, and we're gonna shoot it in black and white"" The black and white part can be paraphrased; it'd probably work better put before the "timeless" part
Done if this looks fine? --K. Peake 08:12, 23 September 2021 (UTC)
- "Contrasting with West having served as the director of numerous visuals around 2005, the music video was directed by Hype Williams." put what's after the comma before contrasting
Commercial performance
[edit]- "On the chart issue dated May 21, 2005, "Diamonds from Sierra Leone" entered the US Billboard Hot 100 at number 94" put what's before the comma after 94; when I started reading the sentence I didn't know what chart was being discussed.
Done with change --K. Peake 08:12, 23 September 2021 (UTC)
- "declining 11 places to number 94" → "declining 11 places back to number 94"
- "The song peaked at number 21" → "The song also peaked at number 21"
Done with change --K. Peake 08:12, 23 September 2021 (UTC)
Live performances and other usage
[edit]- Make sure this section flows well and doesn't read like a bunch of bullet points thrown together (first two sentences especially read this way). One way to fix this, especially if the sentence is just "he performed it here...", combine a few of these a say "He also performed it at this,[1], that,[2] and that.[3]" Make sense? To me, this is easier for flow and doesn't read like "He performed it here". "He performed it there".
- "spray-painted with gold" drop the 'with'
- "West performed the song at 8:56 p.m." is the timestamp significant? If not there's really no reason to have it
Not done it is mentioned that this was part 3 of the set and his last number, which I believe constitute notability of the time. --K. Peake 08:12, 23 September 2021 (UTC)
- "West came out at 9 p.m." same as the above point
- "started his appearance with a performance of the song" → "started his appearance with "Diamonds from Sierra Leone""
Done with changes --K. Peake 08:12, 23 September 2021 (UTC)
- "which began from the set's 1:05:37 mark" again is this necessary?
- I believe so, as it is notable when you have this timestamp from such a long performance and the tempo has been mentioned as going up around then too. --K. Peake 08:12, 23 September 2021 (UTC)
- "mostly referencing the West of the continent." I thought this meant Kanye West at first, not the geographic west side of a continent. I'd reword (west doesn't need to be capitalized here)
Done changed to western area --K. Peake 08:12, 23 September 2021 (UTC)
Remix
[edit]- Shouldn't you mention the remix's earlier placement on the tracklisting of LR?
- Who is Jacob the Jeweler?
- The section feels less quote-heavy than the earlier section, but just make sure to paraphrase when you can.
Done for all --K. Peake 08:12, 23 September 2021 (UTC)
Track listings
[edit]- No lengths?
- The first two are not displayed by the sources, unfortunately. --K. Peake 08:12, 23 September 2021 (UTC)
Credits and personnel
[edit]- Looks good
Charts
[edit]- Looks good
Certifications
[edit]- Looks good
Release history
[edit]- Looks good
References
[edit]- I found one instance of author being used instead of first/last. Make sure every use is the latter
- Is Okayplayer reliable?
- Looking at the site's Wiki article alone, it was founded by a drummer from well known band the Roots and is heavily reliant on recording artists, while there is clearly a separate message board for users to post on that is different from the actual articles published. --K. Peake 08:12, 23 September 2021 (UTC)
- Is Oxford Mail like the Daily Mail or is it actually reliable?
- It is not listed at WP:RSP so is different from Daily Mail, plus it is audited by Newsquest therefore I believe the source is reliable. --K. Peake 08:12, 23 September 2021 (UTC)
- Didn't see any instances of overlinking so I think we're good there
- What happened to that copyvio detector? Can't find it now
- Not sure, but when I checked it was fine. --K. Peake 08:12, 23 September 2021 (UTC)
Final thoughts
[edit]- Overall not too bad. I've always preferred the remix over the original too. Once these are resolved, it should be a GA in no time. – zmbro (talk) 17:07, 22 September 2021 (UTC)
- Zmbro Gone over everything as efficiently as I could; anything else left or is this fine now? --K. Peake 08:12, 23 September 2021 (UTC)
- Kyle Peake, Looks solid to me. Happy to ✓ Pass :-) – zmbro (talk) 13:01, 23 September 2021 (UTC)
- Zmbro Gone over everything as efficiently as I could; anything else left or is this fine now? --K. Peake 08:12, 23 September 2021 (UTC)