Talk:Dayzee Leigh/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Status (talk · contribs) 23:06, 14 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Review

Overview:

1 dab link

Lead:

"...from the American CBS soap opera The Bold and the Beautiful, portrayed by Kristolyn Lloyd. She was introduced by Bradley Bell on October 7, 2010." → "...from the American CBS soap opera The Bold and the Beautiful. Portrayed by Kristolyn Lloyd, the character was introduced by Bradley Bell on October 7, 2010."
"Originally a recurring role, Lloyd was promoted to a contract role shortly after she started with the series." → Too much use of the word "role". Also, the character was promoted to contract role, not her. She's not a character in the series.
"The character was introduced..." → Overusing the word "introduced".
Needs a better introduction of how she got in with the Forrest family.
Marcus Barber Forrester → Marcus Forrester
I'll take a look at this more when the above issues are fixed.

Casting:

"...according to Soap Opera Digest." → Not needed. It isn't an opinion piece.
This doesn't talk about casting too much. How did she get the role of Dayzee?

Characterization:

"Although Stephanie survived, in October 2012 the cancer came back, and she is due to exit the show on November 26, 2012." → It appears we need an update here.
Maybe create a separate section for their relationship? A lot of things have gone on with it. There's no mention of Dazyee's. That could be included in there.

Skid Row storyline:

This section relies too much on quotes. Try rewriting some in your own words.

Relationships:

"Dayzee's first major love interest was..." → No need to say major; there weren't any minor ones before him.
"Although she was a poor black girl, he was a rich white man." → This comes off as a bit harsh to me, or am I just being too sensitive?
"The relationship is approved by all..." → Change to past tense. I suggest changing this sentence to something along the lines of: "Each member of Thomas' family approved of their relationship, with the exception of his sister, Steffy Forrester (Jacqueline MacInnes Wood)."
"The couple split up." → Let's explain why? I mean, why not?
"Soon, Dayzee is in love with Marcus Forrester (Texas Battle)..." → Poorly written

Backstory:

This section needs some major copyediting.

Verdict

It has been 15 days since the review has begun, and none of the issues I have addressed have been adjusted. Unfortunately, I will have to fail this article. I would be more than happy to review the article again at a later date. Cheers and happy holidays! — Statυs (talk, contribs) 05:15, 29 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.