Talk:David Zonana/GA1
GA Review
[edit]The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer: Sammi Brie (talk · contribs) 08:01, 17 March 2024 (UTC)
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Consider reducing some quotes here and there; a bunch of copy changes; one copy change suggestion based on my reading of a reference. Your biggest problem is that you may have to suffice with no images in this article, as the copyright status of them appears doubtful. Ping me when done. Sammi Brie (she/her • t • c) 18:11, 17 March 2024 (UTC)
Did you know? If you fancy doing so, I always have plenty of GA nominees to review. Just look for the all-uppercase titles in the Television section. Reviews always appreciated.
Copy changes
[edit]I took this on because one thing I look for specifically at GAN are articles from the Spanish-speaking world. Hablo español y he escrito artículos con casi 100 por ciento de las fuentes en español. Por lo tanto soy calificada para identificar errores comunes al pensar en español y escribir en inglés.
Lead
[edit]- David Zonana (born 22 November 1989) is a Mexican filmmaker. Known for his films regarding social issues portrayed mainly by non professional actors. The second sentence is incomplete. Consider David Zonana (born 22 November 1989) is a Mexican filmmaker known for his films regarding social issues, primarily featuring amateur actors.
- Zonana has premiered his films on several international film festivals that should be "at", not in or on (though en would be correct in Spanish)
- Be consistent in date format
- Could you be more specific?. Javier Espinoza (talk) 05:01, 18 March 2024 (UTC)
Early life
[edit]- He explored with poetry, photography, painting and music, before choosing studying a career in finance, which he abandoned wanting to travel to South America planing on surviving by playing music in bars. This sentence is a bit long and has some preposition errors. It also has a typo. Try He explored poetry, photography, painting and music before pursuing a career in finance. He then abandoned his studies, seeking to travel to South America and planning on surviving by playing music in bars.
- as he stated to El Financiero the "as" here is not needed in English
- Zonana told about his relation with Franco try Zonana said of his relationship with Franco. This fixes two errors: the awkward "told about" and "relationship" being more idiomatic.
- "on set supervisor" should be "on-set supervisor"
Film career
[edit]- The film was filmed in his family house, a borrowed camera from Franco's office and had her mother as one of the actresses due to budget constrains, which would be his first experience working with non professional actors. A bit long, and the "her mother" is wrong — yes, su madre, but "his" because it's Zonana's mom and not a woman's mom. Try this. The film was shot in Franco's family home using a borrowed camera from his office; due to budget constraints, Franco's mother doubled as an actress, marking his first experience working with non-professional actors.
- It starred Naian González Norvind and Darío Yazbek Bernal, and was selected for several film festivals, including Guanajuato, Morelia, New Orleans and Indie Grits. No need for the comma after Bernal because there is only one subject ("it"). This is a common error, common enough that I wrote an essay on it: WP:CINS.
- The fight for justice, combined with other incidents involving his coworkers, led him to lead an uprising which ends with the workers taking possession of the house. This is a film summary, so present tense. The fight for justice, combined with other incidents involving his coworkers, leads him to head an uprising which ends with the workers taking possession of the house.
- "told to" should be just "told"
- Hyphenate "first year" as an adjective
- the military institution you probably mean "the institution of the military"
- President of Mexico, Andrés Manuel López Obrador Remove the comma and delink/shorten President of Mexico (to avoid redundancy and a "sea of blue" in two touching links): President Andrés Manuel López Obrador
- While others, like known government opposer and journalist Carlos Loret de Mola, utilized the trending topic to criticize the military institution, releasing a series of real-life self recorded videos by military cadets that exposed the brutality of life inside the military. Another incomplete sentence. Join this with the one before it. President Andrés Manuel López Obrador denounced a smear campaign against the institution of the military, while others, such as opposition figure and journalist Carlos Loret de Mola, utilized the trending topic to criticize the armed forces, releasing a series of real-life self recorded videos by cadets that exposed the brutality of life inside the military.
- as "the boldest swing against an institution that we’ve seen in quite some time." You're quoting part of a sentence, so MOS:LOGICAL still applies. The period should follow the quotation mark.
Further work
[edit]- And due to his creative interests being located in art in general, he started writing a novel following Heroico In English, it generally isn't common to start a sentence with "and". The first half is verbose. Try As a result, after Heroico, he started writing a novel.
- as quoted by El Financiero try he explained to El Financiero.
- The novel will also deal with social issues as he did with his previous work. Remove "he" and add a comma after "issues"
Sourcing and spot checks
[edit]- 1: Birth date cited to the Diccionario de Directores del Cine Mexicano. I'd have asked what makes this an RS, but it apparently is backed by the Cineteca Nacional. That assuages any concerns I had.
- 6: Excélsior article:
En febrero pasado "600 Millas" se alzó con el premio el Oso de Plata a la Mejor Ópera Prima de la Berlinale y representará a México en busca de una nominación al Oscar en la categoría de Mejor Película Extranjera
- 10: Confirms the film's actor and that it screened at the FICM in 2017.
- 18: Quote is in the El País article and accurately translated.
- 19: Gatopardo story. The article says that it follows a "first-year cadet at an unnamed school that resembles the Heroico Colegio Militar". I think the article needs to read "at an unnamed school resembling the Heroic Military Academy", not "at the Heroic Military Academy", to conform to the information in the reference.
Images
[edit]The images concern me. Both were uploaded by User:Art2233 to Commons. Unfortunately, I doubt they had permission to use the image. The Berlin Festival image, currently in the infobox, has EXIF metadata indicating © Berlinale Panorama / Ronny Heine
. It looks like the San Sebastián image is cropped from something, but I am not sure what. To obtain rights to use the former image correctly, the Berlinale would have to fill out what is known as a VRT ticket (commons:COM:VRT). I have initiated a deletion proceeding for the Berlin image on Commons. Pinging Jaespinoza to make him aware of this early. Sammi Brie (she/her • t • c) 08:30, 17 March 2024 (UTC)
- Also found and started a deletion proceeding for the other image, which first appears on an IBERCINE page. Sammi Brie (she/her • t • c) 18:11, 17 March 2024 (UTC)
- Do you recommend me to remove them?. Javier Espinoza (talk) 05:01, 18 March 2024 (UTC)
- Thanks for taking this article and your imput. I will be waiting to continue Sammi Brie. Javier Espinoza (talk) 05:01, 18 March 2024 (UTC)
- @Jaespinoza It is unfortunately necessary to remove them to continue. Sammi Brie (she/her • t • c) 05:06, 18 March 2024 (UTC)
- Do you recommend me to remove them?. Javier Espinoza (talk) 05:01, 18 March 2024 (UTC)