Talk:Dark Magus/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Wizardman (talk · contribs) 04:51, 11 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I'll give this a review sometime this weekend. Wizardman 04:51, 11 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Here are the issues I found:

The album cover is a bit large for a non-free image. Would prefer shrinking it down (300x300 should suffice).

Done. Dan56 (talk) 04:33, 12 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Would like a citation for his health and other issues in the background section.

The first four lines in that paragraph are attributed to citation ^[2] (this article). Dan56 (talk) 04:33, 12 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"Davis was influenced by Karlheinz Stockhausen and sought to avoid individual songs in favor of extended movements that transmuted into succeeding compositions" I see what it's trying to say (the songs kinda blend into each other rather than being standalone), but it reads a bit oddly; could the second part be reworded?

"The first part of "Nne" is Davis' "Ife"" Even with knowing what the track names are I don't get this sentence, reword if you can, or maybe explain what Ife is (like the four tracks are explained). This paragraph's a bit hard to read as a whole, but given what it's trying to say I'm not sure if there's an easier way to write it.
"Near the end of "Nne", Davis played a short blues" I feel like this is missing a word, i.e. "...played a short blues piece."

"A blues" is a singular noun believe it or not (wikt:blues#Noun, seventh definition). There would technically be a slight difference, in that even though "a blues" has a blues form, that doesn't necessarily make it under the blues genre. Dan56 (talk) 04:33, 12 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"Down Beat credited the frantic burbles of congas on "Moja" and "Tatu" for presaging oldschool jungle by 20 years." you mean predating? to me that sounds better.

Kk. Dan56 (talk) 04:33, 12 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"Allmusic's Thom Jurek called it an exaggerated and excessive showcase of Davis' disoriented psyche and felt that, although the rhythm section is historically compelling, the other musicians' playing is inconsistent, albeit enthralling." Is this a quotation? Sounds like the latter part is; if not this can be ignored.

No, just paraphrased Jurek's sentiment. Dan56 (talk) 04:33, 12 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

For the other points I didn't address directly here, I attempted to revise those bits with this edit. Dan56 (talk) 04:33, 12 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I'll put the article on hold and will pass when the issues are fixed. Wizardman 20:10, 11 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Everything reads better now, so I will pass the article as a GA. Wizardman 15:53, 12 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Hello, bear with me because I'm very new to this. Would you mind if I made specific reference to Enrico Merlin in the composition section? His research focused on musical themes which would mark the end of once composition, and signal the beginning of another. [1]. For example, even though Miles plays the theme of Calypso Frelimo at the start of Tatu (part 2), this is the only audible theme of this song, the remainder of the track continues in the same repetitive and groove-orientated manner that forms the basis of Wili. I think it's very important to acknowledge Enrico here. Bill E Bailey (talk) 16:21, 5 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]